How would this epic battle progress? What strategy would Jim Kirk, the ultimate tactician, choose to employ against a woman with vastly superior combat skills? A woman who is his intellectual superior in every possible way?
What would Jim Kirk possibly do? How can he hope to prevail?
Any guesses? Anyone?
He would fake struggle with her for awhile, let her pin him to the ground, then she would be unable to resist his masculine wiles and start kissing him.
Implied sex would ensue and then Kirk would send her out an airlock.
Don’t be daft, theyed just Bonk. And Emma Peels feminine wiles are just as strong as Kirk’s masculine wiles. Emma Peel = Man Apeal don’t you know.
Since all of Kirk’s fighting skills seem to rely on combating being bearhugged, crushed, or otherwise mangled by creatures who are much stronger than he, I think he would be screwed against Peel, or have to relate to screwing.
There would be no situation in which he would be able to use his signature moves; the slow agonized grimace, followed by either the double handed ear chop or the double handed head club.
Well, I don’t even think a Prepared Batman could handle Ripped Shirt Kirk, so ordinarily I’d say Kirk would soon have Emma tied up and helpless.
However, all bets are off when you consider this possibility:
Ripped Shirt Emma!!
I don’t even think Godzilla would stand a chance against that.
Bah.
Peel with her shirt torn is no match for the guy who knocked out a genetically-enhanced Khan Noonian Singh with only a hollow plastic baton.
They would not. Kirk would try, but a ruffian such as Kirk would be beneath Mrs. Peel’s notice.
A gentleman like Bones, on the other hand, would stand a fairly good chance.
I see a smiling, post-coital Kirk congratulating himself on how he totally seduced that enemy agent, then wondering where his communicator went… and his phaser… and his top-secret code book… and technical plans for the Enterprise… and
Dude, a fine lady such as Emma Peel would never resort to such tawdry tactics.
Unless, of course, we’re talking about the Uma Thurman version.
As JTK and Ms. Peel trade innuendoes, Mr. Spock sneaks up behind her and applies the Vulcan Nerve Pinch and Peel moans and slides to the floor, unconscious and helpless.
I must be alone now.
Mrs. Peel (that’s right, it’s Mrs. Peel to you and to you and to everyone, if you dare take the liberty to call her ‘Emma’ one more time, I shall use my words to destroy your soul) would undoubtdedly show up to get Kirk’s signature on some report.
Kirk: “Thank-you yeoma… you’re not Yeoman Janice.”
Peel: “No, captain, I am not.”
Kirk: <waiting for further explanation, but upon getting none, is both annoyed and amused at Mrs. Peel’s lack of awed-by-your-presence ass kissing> “And where is Yeoman Janice.”
Peel: “Indisposed, Captain.”
Kirk: <because Kirk is so turned on he can’t think straight, ‘Rocket Man’ is now doing all the talking> “And from where… how did you come to be so… disposed?”
Peel: <so amused that Kirk is already wrapped around her finger, she just can’t bring herself to roll her eyes at his stupid attempt at innuendo> Forward B deck, Corridor C, Cabin Twelve. <walks away… slowly>
Later, Kirk walks in with a bottle of Orion Brandy only to have Mrs. Peel walk up behind and karate chop him into unconsciousness.
“Captain Kirk, please respond. Bridge to Captain Kirk, please respond”
Kirk wakes up from his stupor and lurches to the comm, “Kirk”
“Captain, a shuttle pod launched ten minutes ago. Our long range sensors and warp drive are disabled.”
Later, Kirk, by himself, catches up with Mrs. Peel and subdues her. But some event gets them trapped together in a cave or shuttle. They do the vertical tango. As the Enterprise is about to arrive to pick up the two, Peel vanishes, leaving a message for Kirk, something to the effect of “it took awhile for my backup escape plan to extricate me; until next time, Captain…”
This cat and mouse game goes on ad nauseum.
Tangos are vertical most of the time. It’s when they go horizontal that things get especially interesting.
Umm… I meant to say the vertical tango…in zero gravity! Yeah, that’s the ticket!
Kirk is a tough guy; he survived Khan and he even survived a fight with Spock during a full blown Pon Fahr rage. Anyone else would have been splattered like a bug. What he may lack in advanced fighting skills (Emma has the skills), he makes up for it by having a near immortal constitution. But Emma always seemed to prefer the witty brainy guys, she hung around with Steed for years. Spock has the brains but no sense of humor. For brains and humor, she would be more attracted to Bones or Scotty. Scotty has the upper hand though, because he always keeps a stash of good Scotch whiskey handy <wink win>. So, I bet Emma would consider Kirk for his good looks, and then toss him over for the other two. After stringing them all along she’d use Kirk to get the battle codes, pump Scotty for the blueprints of the ship, and then vanish.
Everyone knows the harder Kirk gets the weaker he gets.
Emma will make him her bitch in seconds flat!!
And a hand phaser.
Mrs. Peel doesn’t have a hand phaser.
Mrs. Peel doesn’t need no steekin’ phaser. So there.
Is that a hand-cutting phaser or a phaser shaped like a hand?
Ripped Shirt or not, Kirk would as usual be Victorious.
The last Avengers I saw, the electrically charged guy easily overcame her and had her shrouded in tin foil. (Don’t they call it something else over there?)
Steed had to rescue her. He was wearing galoshes.
I can’t even spell galoshes. Hell, I don’t want to know how to spell galoshes.
Kirk has data banks to check spelling, but I digress.
Bah. Mrs. Peel rescued Steed just as often as he rescued her.
And Kirk only uses the databanks to keep track of how many alien babes he has bagged.