Japanese Translations, please

Can someone please give approximate translations of these signs? Thanks!


Seems to be saying “No Yakuza gangsters allowed!”


Seems to be saying “No laser-weilding magic ninjas” (and yes, I see the “No laser beams” bit in English at the bottom, but I’m not sure I’m buying it).


“This remote doesn’t give you control over attractive women”?
“This remote doesn’t function as snorkeling gear”?

You already gave approximate translations. They’re correct (and you can probably guess the remainder for all the remaining ones in the third picture).

It’s not a magical ninja though, it’s Ultraman.

I love 'em. Are any of these signs legit, or are they all “joke signs”?

If you look at the Ultraman one, the English-language font is different from the bit you can see on the left. The red circle also appears to be slightly higher. To me that signifies that it is most likely a photoshop.

The first one sure looks real, though it’s awfully peculiar. No idea.

The last one is probably an advertisement, so yes, it’s a joke.

I see signs like that in onsens and sento all the time. What seems peculiar about it?

The first one is a sign prohibiting gangsters from entering a public bath. The translation would be something like “Tatooed people and persons affiliated with yakuza may not bathe. (In case such a person enters while bathing, please leave quickly. -Manager.)” Not completely certain about the part in parentheses, though. Such a rule is pretty much the norm at public bathhouses, as I understand it.

The second one translates pretty literally as “Please refrain from discharging (laser) beams.” It’s a joke sign.

Man, I was hoping it was really about those little laser pointers. Those things can be annoying.

Garula-- does the stigma attached to Yakuza and the tattoo connection extend to tattooed foreigners, or is that understood as “other”? I have known Japanese college students to look at American college students with some shock: “Why on EARTH do you have a gigantic dragon tattoo?” [backing away slowly], but that was back in the early 90s.

In the third link, what does the bit with the guy kneeling say?

It says “chonmage ni wa narimasen”. It can’t be used as a chonmage.

Wouldn’t your average arrogant Yakuza just walk right in, get in the water and enjoy a private bath when everyone else left?

Well, a Japanese person is unlikely to assume that a non-Asian foreigner with a tattoo is a member of the Yakuza. I think they are pretty likely to assume that this tattooed foreigner is some type of lowlife, though. Probably not a Mafia member or anything like that, but a junkie, crack whore, member of an outlaw biker gang, etc. There are of course some younger Japanese who think tattoos are cool, but they’re still pretty strongly associated with people who are at best trashy.

I don’t have any tattoos myself, but when I was working in Japan we were warned during training that if we had any tattoos we should keep them totally covered while at work and that we should expect not to be allowed to visit public baths.

It’s my limited understanding that this does sometimes happen.