C’mon, Guys!
You know he fucked that couch! 
Oh my Bob!
FWIW, Snopes has both versions, and notes that the story has been around long enough it used to be about Clara Bow.
We think he did, but so far all we know for sure is that he refuses to say he didn’t.
Trump wants to be a dictator, while Vance wants to rule the Ottoman Empire.
Ha!
(Fuck off with your five characters, discourse. )
He was excited about campaigning in Iowa because he heard they’d be spending the night in Davenport.
The Pillow Guy is a different fucker.
I hear he likes smokin’ Chesterfields.
When JD was asked how the campaign was going, he replied…
Sofa, So Good!
I hope he doesn’t have Futon fetishes.
Ottoman Onanism
Vance’s campaign song, courtesy of French band Plastic Bertrand
Allez hop, la nana, quel panard
Quelle vibration
De s’envoyer sur le paillasson
Limée, ruinée, vidée, comblée
“You are the King of the divan”
Qu’elle me dit en passant
Ouh-ouh-ouh-ouh
I am the King of the divan
You just know that now that he’s pondered the rumor long enough, he’s gone ahead and fucked the couch just out of curiosity’s sake. Hopefully, he used the glove.
His favorite furniture store is Sofa King.
I move that “fucked the couch” should replace the expression “screwed the pooch” in the English lexicon.
YES!!!
ETA: Let’s make that “screwed the couch” so it can be reported unedited by more media and used by more genteel folks.
What happened to the backseat of the Chevy?
Not all boys got prom dates, you know?
IIRC, “screwed the pooch” was originally a Bowdlerized version of “fucked the dog”, so I suppose the PG-rated version works.
Podcaster David Pakman has started referring to him as J. D. Lindell.
I had to think about that one for a second. I also feel bad for the Vance kids, because they will eventually hear this story.