After biding my time and thinking for the past day, I see that my opponent is trying too valiently, and distracting himself with housekeeping matters. Now, when he is otherwise occupied and while the tide of public support is rising at least somewhat for me (Thanks, Hamlet), it is time to strike.
You are rash, young one, and must be taught a lesson. I have spent over a year wandering this board, studying the fighting styles of a number of the board masters. Now, I fear that I have no choice but to unleash them upon you.
First, as a diversion, I invoke the song-fighting art of Fenrate, inspired by a true board legend.
<ahem>
Saepiroth, a song by Jester.
(Sung to the tune of “Buttercup”)
WHY do you think you’re tough,
(Think you’re tough),
Saepiroth, baby
When it’s clear you’re not,
(Clear you’re not)
You must be on pot.
I wonder if,
(Wonder if)
You’d be talkin so fast, hey
If my shoe was shoved
(shoe was shoved)
Up your lily ass.
Hey you’ll lose
(Yeah you’ll lose)
If you piss me off saepie,
I’ve known this fact right from the sta-art,
So don’t think you’re tough,
(Think you’re tough)
Sae-pi-roth,
Else I’ll rip out your hee-art,
(Rip out your heart!)
<bows shortly>
But there is no time to waste. While you are still stunned by my Fenrate, I shall unleash a flurry of attacks learned from masters the whole board over!
First, the chocolate-fueled power of the Tubako and Lynnkate arts of fighting!
Next, jab after jab of cunning witticisms in the style of Ukelele Ike-Kwan-Do!
Followed by the deadly Forskin-do slices of the dark master Taylor-san!
And finally, the discipline which I swore I would never use except in the direst of circumstances. I find myself forced to unleash the pure destructive power of the…Jarbaby-lotus method!
You cockwrenching assgoblin, I should take you out back and fuck you with the nearest pubemower! I swear to God, I’ve never seen a pusrivet as truly revolting as yourself since Mark Wahlberg in “Planet of the Apes”! Why don’t you just scoot down under the nearest pile of feces, you fucking cum-sucking silly straw!
<Stands in the wake of the destruction, thinking of an appropriate finishing move>
There is only one way that can end this. One move so secret, so concise, so precious that it can disable an attacker in one strike.
In the spirit of the great Wally-san, I finish you with the single-strike method handed down over the ages…
:wally
You have much to learn, grasshopper.
<performs a bow to his fallen opponent, turns and walks out of the ring>
<stops to look at Bad News Baboon>
Would you like to be next?
