You don’t like those opinions? He’s got others.
My abilities have been exaggerated. I was just this obscure rabbi. I did some normal healings and preaching and whatnot, and made a dime here and there. Then one day this dude comes up and says his kid is dead. So i go, and there’s the sick little girl, and she’s asleep. but not dead. I said, "Hey, she’s not dead, she’s just asleep (those dumbass followers of mine actually got this part right - Mk. 5:39 - but, as usual, they exaggerated the fuck out of everything else), So then I said, “get up, little girl.” and she gets up, then that idiot dad of his started running around telling everybody I brought his kid back to life.
Then the next thing I know, I’m getting mobbed by people wanting me to cure their rickets and their syphilis and falling down and calling me “Lord,” and shit. It was really embarrassing and awkward, and the bitches were THROWING themselves at me, and hey, it’s true I wasn’t married, if you know what I mean, so that part was pretty good, but the rest got out of hand.
Next thing I knew there was a backlash from the D-bags running the Temple, and they started sending scribes to give me flak, and a mob tried to throw me off a cliff and all kinds of other crap happened. I went to Jerusalem for Passover, and accidentally knocked over a table in the courtyard (I was a little bit lit. I was partying with my bros. it was a holiday. don’t judge me), so then the Temple D-bags sent the pigs in, and I ran away. One of my bros sold me out to the Man. Judas said I was getting too Hollywood. Said I was getting too much into the pussy and not enough into the healing (That chick that was supposedly washing my feet? Well, she was on her knees, but she wasn’t washing my feet, if you know what I mean) I told him waht a huge dick he was, but he was pretty much right. I was starting to think I was pretty hot stuff by then, thought I was like Tom Cruise or some shit.
The pigs came and got me, and the Temple D-bags told the Romans some bullshit about how i was going around saying I was the Messiah, which was total crap, and I told my bros to quit saying that shit, but they said it helped with the babes and kept doing it. So then get this - they fucking CRUCIFIED me. Like literally, not figuratively. Have you ever been crucified? That shit HURTS. Get a hammer and a big-ass nail and nail your fucking hand to the table. It feels like that, but in both hands and both feet too. That shit SUCKS. I don’t recommend it. And please don’t wave crosses at me, by the way. Do you really think I want to see a fucking cross? And yes, I stole that joke from Bill Hicks.
So anyway, all that stuff you heard about me was like 3% true and like 97% hysterical horseshit. Basically about the same as Fox News.
I was just a guy. I admit I got a little full of myself for a while. Got a little up my own ass. I don’t really have any superpowers, though. Sorry.
I know a secret about Batman, by the way. Let’s just say…the rumors are true. I know, I know, everybody already knows…old news…but I bet you didn’t know about his thing with Green Arrow.
Actually, it was quite easy.
Ha ha ha, very funny. I couldn’t jerk off for like a year after that.
Liam Neeson.
Me, I worship at the Church of Ceiling Cat.
“Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly”
And I doubt that we will learn anything of it from “your” participation in this thread.
The rules regarding sock puppets are applied equally here, irrespective of the usernames chosen. If you are in violation of those rules, you might consider getting in contact with an Administrator of the board to resolve the matter before it becomes an issue.
[ /Moderating ]
For shits and grins I looked this up:
This really is a classic biblical example. It actually all but says the girl was really just asleep, doesn’t it? Or was Jesus lying when he said "The child is not dead but asleep”? Was he mistaken? Or maybe he was being sarcastic? What other things did he say was really just sarcasm? Was he rolling his eyes and using air quotes when he said that stuff about selling all your belongings and giving the money to the poor?
And good for the villagers to take a moment from their wailing and weeping to laugh at Jesus. That must have really lightened the mood.
And hey, good job on the instructions that you still have to feed the girl! Maybe the moments after resurrection (or waking from nap) it’s vital to give the person some food, or that’s how they start craving brains. Maybe Jesus paraphrased Homer Simpson: “a girl like this you have to feed every day!”
There goes the neighborhood! And probably the district.
Clapton is Joe Pesci?
That’s weird.
He practices law under his stage name, Jerry Callo.
Question:
If His other usernames were God and the Holy Spirit would it be sock puppetry?
Technically they’re all the same person.
That’s what a sock puppet is - one person, multiple user names.
Christians worship a sock puppet.
I’ve always wondered how long it would take for the real Jesus to get pitted if he was a Doper.
Guess he’d get banned right out of the gate.
He’d be unbanned in three days though.
Stinky is the Messiah!
No he’s not, he’s just a very naughty boy.
This is my understanding of it.
God is Love, therefor Love is a all powerful creative living being and not a emotion as we understand them. There is nothing created without God, there is nothing created without Love. But God, But Love, can only be one with Love (though God, though Love can correct for apparently non-loving creations but that seems to take time and healing). If and when we are one with Love we are one with God and we are God and have all the available power of God. Jesus achieved this and was one with God and is God, others too have achieved this and also one with God and equally God as Jesus is God. This is why Jesus gave His name for us to use, because there is no difference between Jesus and us (who are one with God, who are one with Love). When the Father looks at us (people who are one with Love) He sees His child.
If Jesus can be God’s child then anyone can be, if Jesus is not God’s child then we are all screwed eternally as no one can be God’s child or at least you can’t be God’s child and you are screwed. So Jesus being God’s child opens the door for everyone to be God’s child.
I have risen.
let alone - HE (capital HE) told them not to speak of it OR tell anyone else - so, assuming they believed he was indeed HE - how did this story get recorded.
“I can raise the dead, damn sure I can make you dead to”
I’m confused, is Morgan Freeman God or Jesus?
He’s my dad. I’m adopted.