The wackiest story in the local news today. (Obligatory link to the only online offering I could find, but that story is sparse on details, and the few details that it has contains some spectacular misreporting of the basic facts, in addition to the spelling and grammatical errors that you expect from CKNW’s stellar journalism. Sorry.)
Anyway, here’s what my sieve-like brain retained from broadcast news coverage of this bizarre incident:
Early this afternoon, a twenty-four-year-old truck driver for a local meat company blew through a toll booth just in time to miss a sailing from the Horseshoe Bay terminal. The ramp was up, and the ferry was just under way. The driver apparently decided that anything the General Lee can do, his five-ton truck loaded with pig and cow carcasses could do better. By god, he’d make the ferry!
He stomped on the accelerator, narrowly missed a terminal employee who had to run to get out of his path, and headed straight for the ramp. A combination of the steepness of the incline of the ramp in its raised position (something like a 60 degree angle) and the unfortunate choice of stunt vehicle meant that the front wheels never even touched the raised ramp – the truck hit it head on like it was a concrete abutment.
The driver then got out of the truck, ran up the ramp on foot, yelled “I am Jesus Christ!” and jumped into the bay. Then our Lord and Saviour taught us a lesson in humility by changing his cry to “Help! Help!”
His plea was answered about four minutes later, by a rescue boat. They, at least, were truly made Fishers of Men.
There’s no word yet whether the man is ill, was under the influence of non-Horton’s stimulants, or what, but this poor guy is so fired – not just because that’s generally the kind of wrinkle that supervisors really hate, but…
Shots of the crashed truck, screen-printed with the company name (“So-and-so’s Fine Foods,” I forget the exact name,) were of course all over the news, as well as pictures of the charnel in the back of the truck, which looked all the more gruesome after being in a crash, but appeared to likely be in violation of the law when it was loaded. Health Canada is investigating code violations, the talking heads say.
So the TV coverage has the company name in frame for nearly the entire story, they work in the Spectre of Health Code Violations at the end, and wrap up with location shots at the company premises, of management declining to speak to the media, heads down, as they take the step of closing and locking the chainlink fence that surrounds the yard (in the afternoon, while the place is still operating) to keep people (okay, reporters) from approaching workers at the loading bay.
Great optics, eh? :smack:
So, so fired.
