Jesus, the video

Have you gotten your copy in the mail yet? I did, about a week ago. sigh

Believe it or not, I’m not going to complain about WHAT they’re doing so much as HOW they’re doing it.

Somebody put up lots of money, probably millions, to have this turkey produced and distributed. If I were them, I’d be in court demanding my money back.

Technically, the film is okay, the cinematography is passable, it’s certainly not inspired. The special effects are passable or at least believable. There are angels appearing and a storm on the Sea of Gallilee (I believe) that looks good. That’s about the best I can say.

Otherwise, the films sucks, BADLY!! I’ve seen better acting out of highschool productions. The actors give no presence on the screen. They’re there, they say their lines, they move around and that’s it. There’s no emotion, no presence, nothing to indicate they’re feeling what they’re expressing thru words. Their faces are bland and lifeless. Their actions are minimal, either thru lack of inspiration on their part or criminal abdication on the part of the director.

The dialogue was taken from the Gospel of Luke. That’s fair enough, but while the Gospel of Luke makes for fine reading, it’s terrible as a screenplay or even a script for a movie. If the abdication on the part of the director with the actors was bad enough, the abdication on the part of the screen writer deserves banishment to the Lower Levels of Hell! Instead of seeing Jesus thru the eyes of Luke, a compassionate and learned man who relays his story to a friend thru letters, the movie turns into a set of disconnected vignettes, mainly Jesus’s parables and stories. There’s no connect or flow between the scenes. The actor walk into view of the camera, say some lines and nod sagely as Jesus says something, then walk off. There’s no impact or “umph” with the dialogue. Nothing conveys the importance of what Jesus is saying. The same scene could be done with the characters quoting the daily stock market report and we’d get the same emotional impact.

That’s probably the greatest sin of this movie. There’s nothing engaging about it, nothing that makes one ponder a moment and consider what’s being said. For a movie what was supposedly sent out to get people interested in considering Christianity as a religion, this film fails miserably. Anyone on the planet who was totally unfamiliar with the story of Jesus would probably view the film as; Jesus said some interesting things; some others got mad at him and then killed him; Jesus came back from the dead and said more interesting things; THE END. And that sums up this movie.

First thing I thought of as soon as I saw the title…

Jesus, the FLAMETHROWER! The kids love this stuff. :smiley:

I mainly posted to this because making my 100th post about Jesus has to have some sort of cosmic significance. That and to point out that Jesus doesn’t seem to get a fair deal when it comes to movie portrayals.

Another Jesus movie post

Is this the same movie you’re talking about?

Yikes! You reminded me of an awful memory…my senior year of high school, I had a tremendous crush on this good friend, Joel. Well, we exchanged Christmas gifts that year and I spent hours deliberating over his. Guess what he gave me, knowing full well that I’m an atheist/agnostic (undecided?), depending on whether the sun is shining or not?

That’s right, the Jesus video.

Even worse, I watched it, three times, trying to understand what he was trying to tell me. Would he love me if I converted? How could people convert to this horse’s ass leakage? Why the hell would he give it to me?

Three weeks later, the answered arrived in the mail: it was free.

The horror, my friends. The absolute, unrelenting horror.

It may sound like a pilot episode of a horrible high school dramedy, but it is actually my life.

And another thing… I am quite sure that Jesus didn’t call his followers “homies”, nor did he cruise down to the “'hood” to pick up some “honies” like Mary Magdalene.

However, most Biblical scholars agree that the part about Jesus feeding an entire block party with half a forty and a chicken wing is totally accurate.

Also, you have to love the drive-by on the moneylenders in the temple. Although turning water into malt liqour was a little over the top.

mighty_maxx, not that’s not the movie I’m referring to. However, porcupine, YOURS is the movie I saw. sigh I didn’t know this a previously released movie and they’ve simply did a repackaging job on it.

However, porcupine, did the movie you see have the bad trailer at the end, where the narrator implores you get on your knees and pray for forgiveness while scenes from the movie flash by? He even leads you in prayer, doing the basic, “oh Jesus, save me 'cause I’m such a terrible person!” and he does it twice? big yuck

Nacho4Sara, you, of course dumped this turkey of a boyfriend, right?

Copy porn on it.
That is all.

Freyr, of course I didn’t actually watch it. I’m very insecure in my hedonistic atheist bitch ways and am afraid that it would instantly convert me to being “born again.” Especially from your desrtipion of the trailer at the end - how could I possibly resist?

Freyr, of course I didn’t actually watch it. I’m very insecure in my hedonistic atheist bitch ways and am afraid that it would instantly convert me to being “born again.” Especially from your description of the trailer at the end - how could I possibly resist?

So I follow Porcupine’s link, and what do I see? That the 1979 Jesus flick - the one we’re talking about - was filmed in Israel, with a largely Israeli cast. Now, I don’t expect any of you to know anything about the Israeli entertaionment industry, but the cast to this movie is, well… mind boggling. I mean, Rivka Noiman? Eli Cohen?Talia Shapira? Yosef Shiloach!? Yosef Shiloach - the Israeli Jim Varney - as Joseph!

I must have this movie.

**particlewill wrote:

Copy porn on it.**

I would, but I don’t have the computere/video technology to make it show Jesus with Al Parker. sigh

**porcupine wrote:

Freyr, of course I didn’t actually watch it. I’m very insecure in my hedonistic atheist bitch ways and am afraid that it would instantly convert me to being “born again.” Especially from your desrtipion of the trailer at the end - how could I possibly resist?**

It’s easy to resist, I just did my “Mr. Bill Show” voice, with Mr. Bill as the innocent and Mr. Sluggo as God and Mr. Hands as Jesus. :smiley:

**Alessan wrote:

So I follow Porcupine’s link, and what do I see? That the 1979 Jesus flick - the one we’re talking about - was filmed in Israel, with a largely Israeli cast. Now, I don’t expect any of you to know anything about the Israeli entertaionment industry, but the cast to this movie is, well… mind boggling. I mean, Rivka Noiman? Eli Cohen?Talia Shapira? Yosef Shiloach!? Yosef Shiloach - the Israeli Jim Varney - as Joseph!

I must have this movie.**

Tell you what. Send me money to cover shipping costs and it’s yours. You mean the Isrealis have someone who’s the equivilent of Jim Varney? GACK