Scylla wrote:
Her Most Holy Pinkness does not need this “traction” of yours to walk on fish. Or water. Or any other substance. Her Blessed Hooves[TM] bless the crap out of anything she steps on. The fish would turn into … um … oh, I don’t know, blessed fish or something. Yeah. That’s it. That’s the ticket. Blessed fish. With, um, those no-slip strips stuck on their outsides! Yeah! Just like those black pieces of sandpaper they glue onto staircases. Ya can’t unbalance the IPU!
Twweeeettt!!!
PETA official throw yellow flag at Jesus. Official pats right buttock and left shoulder simultaneously, then extends right hand out at shoulder hight and left hand straight up. Officials then huddle.
TV announcer: Looks like we have a foul on JC. Preliminary signal is cruelty to fish. Either that or he’s doing the macarena…
Head PETA official leaves huddle, faces camera, and turns on microphone: “five yards for each fish or 2000 miles, whichever comes first”.
TV announcer: This is going to put JC in a deep hole. Can he get out of it. We’ll see after SDMB at the half…
Thanks, Andros. I have a feeling I’ll be using that one in future RL debates.
I suppose Eris won’t mind if I pick up another goddess (for somewhat Eristic reasons, after all).
********___
But, Scylla, um, is Jesus plucking his beloved Ma out of the timestream? Mary wouldn’t still be a virgin–haven’t you seen Dogma?
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s the perpetually unsullied Mary of the Acts of Mary, but I’m gonna pull Protestants’ and Other Heretics’ privilege and declare a foul (a citizen’s foul, me not being a PETA-nik). Try again, Scylla.
meantime, here’s a link you may enjoy:
ACTION JESUS!!!
http://ape-law.com/wustudio/sketchbuk/sketch172.htm
You fools! Don’t you know that the Great Pumpkin will squash you all.
Pumpkin! Squash! Get it?
Let’s not forget Her Pinkness(may her hooves never be shod)
has the ultimate defense, invisibility. JHC can’t fight what He can’t see. Also, filling the stadium with fish will do no good because the IPU (pbuh) can FLY! I read it in the Gospel of Grabowski, chapter 3 verse 19. Jesus is a goner in 2 rounds.
I ONLY POST HERE TO PREVENT MISUNDERSTANDING.
( Well, also it is my HOLY OBLIGATION of WITNESSING - and as such totally tax-free. )
THE COMMENTS MADE BY DAVID B,** THE GOD MOST HIGH**, SHOULD IN NO WAY BE INTERPRETED AS IMPLYING AN ENDORSEMENT OF THE 1st church of DAVID B. THIS COULD SEEM CONFUSING TO THE UNINITIATED. THE 1st church DOES NOT FOLLOW THE GOURD SO THEIR INTERPETATIONS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED. ALSO THEY ARE SCHISMATIC!
IF YOU WISH TO LEARN MORE OF THE TRUE VOICE OF DAVID B, WE HAVE INTODUCTORY CLASSES AVAILABLE THE 1ST SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH ( EXCEPT DURING THE NFL REGULAR SEASON ).
I CAN GET YOU THE DISCOUNT RATE ONLY IF YOU ACT NOW.
-2SENSE-*PROFIT OF THE 2ND CHURCH OF *DAVID B
If DavidB’s church talks in CAPS all the time count me out. I’ll just accept the smiting.
You know, when I came here I expected adult discourse & debate. Well, it was not all as I expected, but there did seem to be a sense of community. This was strengthened by my 1000th post party, and then by our recent tragedy.
But now you have ruined it all. I could expect this kind of ignorance & childish mocking elsewhere, or by some of our less intelligent posters, but this is ridiculous. Why do you persist in mocking and insulting every poster with any sort of faith? And, worse, when the Fundies do this sort of thing, you all attack their arguements as non-logical & emotional. Hypocrites. You mock what you do not understand, can not understand, and worse, do not even WANT to understand.
And then I complain to the Moderators, and they join in, when we expect them to set an example. I am not really surprized, as the Moderators here (& Slythe) seem more interested in joining in, than keeping strife out.
I can sympathize that Danielinthewolvesden feels that the dignity of his faith is being trod upon.
However the ‘dignity’ of his faith is not an issue. In medicine, that’s like a pharmaceutical company trying to claim that its size and research budget give its drugs credibility.
To which I say “Bah!” Credibility (and the utmost confidence of the Board) isn’t the issue, efficacy is. And safety. If it can’t beat a placebo, by a fairly decent margin (and without too many people injured or killed) I’m not giving it to anyone.
It’s called a clinical trial (regrettably we can’d conduct a double blind). I’d expect someone calls themselves danielinthewolvesden to appreciate this sort of trial of faith
(BTW, in what version is it ‘wolves’ and not ‘lions’?)
Hang around, Daniel. Trust me, you’ll develop a thick skin. Right, David? 
Besides, Jesus wins easily over the Invisible Pink Unicorn. He made her, after all. Who knows? Maybe they go out together from time to time for joyrides through the heavens.
Daniel complained:
Gosh, and here I thought that a community was allowed to have some fun, even in Great Debates. Apparently, I am wrong. We are not allowed to have any fun whatsoever.
And you just plain do not understand. While I’m sorry to see that, the fact of the matter is that other people are not going to stop enjoying themselves without hurting anybody just because you want to complain about it. Get over it.
Actually, we joined in before you complained. And we’ve been known to occasionally actually have fun even before you came to the board. Amazing, eh?
Look around this thread. You know who’s causing “strife”? You. The rest of us are enjoying ourselves. If you don’t like it, don’t read the thread. Or go buy yourself a sense of humor.
What do you mean, the Moderators and slythe!?!
What am I, chopped liver? BTW, it’s “slythe”, not “Slythe”.
I do believe that my posts in this forum are aimed towards finding out what constitutes a “real” religion. Is the the age of the religion? Is it the number of followers? Is it how many people have died for it? Is it how many people have killed for it?
Who gets to decide on the seriousness of a religion-the followers, or the outsiders?
And how serious should a religion be?
how serious is bob dobbs?
David B, you coalesced the vapors of my thoughts while reading Daniel’s post into a viable and meaningful comprehension far better than I ever could have. Thank you.
Did it ever occur to you that the reason no one has sided with you is because your assertions that we are childish, divisive, ignorant, stupid, hypocritical,and hateful are inaccurate and offensive?
soulsling wrote:
That’s “Bob” Dobbs! Do not omit the Holy Quotation Marks!
Wasn’t the quote “Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce!”? I’m amazed anyone else remembers this one…
I also always liked “Dammit Smithers, it’s not rocket science, it’s brain surgery!”
Has anyone taken into account the fact that Jesus is a proven historical figure whereas the pink unicorn is a creation of the imagination? Therefore, while Jesus is limited to his miracles, the pink unicorn has endless capabilities because they merely need to be tacked onto her already impressive resume’. I think Jesus should be considered the resurrected Jesus, not the human Jesus, to even the playing field. No one has a clue what resurrected Jesus can do.
Lux Fiat wrote:
Announcer: “Uh-oh, it looks like Jesus is using his ‘martyr play’ again. Will the IPU fall for it? Ooo, no! She saw that one coming a mile away! She’s stopped and rolled onto her back, offering her belly to Jesus to scratch! That’s gonna cost him…”
Scylla wrote:
The main downside for JC here is that he’ll have to preach next Sunday in an embarassingly effete robe.
THis might even be an advantage as it would give JC appeal amongst the gay community.
[/quote]
Doubt it - as you aid, it’s “embarassingly effete.” Unless he’s in the SCA, I think we’ll pass. We prefer those gods that emulate mythical beasts, like unicorns or fairies…
Kingpin wrote:
“Jesus II: The Resurrection! Coming to theaters this summer! He’s back, and this time he’s not turning the other cheek! (This film has not yet been rated.)”
Esprix