Yeah, okay. But how did I do with the mise-en-scène?
Wow, I think someone needs to explain the concept of satire to Danielinthewolvesden.
Long live the IPU!
Where, pray tell, can I get more information on this Church of the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
What does she offer, what does she require of her flock…uh herd, uh whatever?
I mean, if she can help me out of a traffic ticket, or shorten the line at the DMV, I just might be interested.
Jack
THIS JUST IN!!!
Jesus wins the battle of the Google search engine!
“Jesus Christ” found 477,000 matches.
“Invisible Pink Unicorn” found 316 matches.
More on this at eleven.
All right Libertarian! Jesus 1, IPU 0.
Now I’ll bring up a new Google challenger:
“hot young chicks” vs. anyone you care to mention.
Anyone care to bet against me? Here’s a twenty that says I’m right.
Kingpin wrote:
Since when?
A bunch of letters from Paul trying to build up a church out of some “Jesus” martyr, and a passage a scribe slipped into Josephus’s history that passed under Josephus’s editorial radar, hardly count as “proven history”.
Yet you believe in Paul and Josephus?
Of course! Is it not written in the Book of Whom To Believe In, chapter 13, verse 4, that the Fourth Holy Commandment is “Thou shalt believe in Paul and Josephus”? And we all know that the Book of Whom To Believe In was divinely inspired!
Oh yeah? Well, how 'bout this: our Christmas carols are prettier than your um, Invisiblepinkunicornmas carols! So there!
2sense, you didn’t have to take my (current) sig quote so SERIOUSLY!
Go to Hell. And of course that is meant purely in the spirit of religous debate.
Michael Jackson blow hot young chicks out of the water! HA
Libertarian writes:
Actually, that particular scene never happened. This has been bandied about on Urban Legends discussion groups for years. Someone made up this story about the tar-tar sauce, and it has spread so widely that now people who have heard of the story even subconsciously believe they have witnessed this (non-existent) portion of The Simpsons.
For more information, look up “Simpsons” at http://www.soapes.com
hot young chicks: 418
adolf hitler: 67,200
chicks: 298,000
hitler: 347,000
Have I godwinized this thread?
I meant “hot young chicks” without the quotation marks around them. Even then, I vastly overestimated the Google power of those three words. I hereby withdraw my bet and keep my $20. (My mama didn’t raise no fool!)
T’heck with the L.A. Coliseum, ladies and gents… I’ve hired Vince McMahon to put this match together, and here it is:
The lights in the arena brighten, and through the sound system is heard the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing “Hallejujah!” over and over and over until everyone wants it to stop. Jesus walks out underneath the Titantron, waving to the audience. He climbs into the ring, leaps up onto the turnbuckle so everyone can have a look at his divine countenance. He then raises his eyebrow, then leaps back into the ring.
The lights dim, and “Pink Unicorns on Parade” (the original version that Dumbo ripped off) blasts through the speaks, and the IPU clops down the ramp, clutching a chair. She leaps into the ring, adjusting her very revealing (and very invisible) wrestling outfit.
The bell rings, and the two go at it. Jesus runs forward for the clothesline, catching IPU in the chest. She falls to the floor, then leaps back up again, swinging at Jesus with her folding chair. Jesus ducks, then kicks IPU’s hoof, making her drop the chair. She swings at him, clipping him in the jaw. He drops to his knee, then rolls out of the ring, nursing his jaw. IPU bounces against the opposite ropes, then runs forward, leaping out of the ring and coming down on top of Jesus hard, stunning him. She goes for a pin (it’s a hardcore, no-DQ, falls-count-anywhere match, incidently), and the referee begins counting. 1… 2… Jesus manages to get a shoulder up, just in time!
IPU jumps up, arguing with the ref about the pin. Jesus, meanwhile, has reached under the ring and grabbed a steel pole. He waits until IPU turns around again, and he clocks her a good one right on the nose! She stumbles backward, and Jesus runs forward in an attempt to clothesline her again. IPU jumps out of the way! Jesus crashes into the steel steps! IPU grabs him and lifts him onto her shoulders, then brings him back down again for a powerbomb onto the concrete! She goes for the pinfall again… and Jesus barely kicks out!
IPU pulls Jesus up by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. She then climbs in after him, pulls him back up, and throws him into the ropes. As he’s rebounding, he jumps up and catches IPU with a dropkick to the head! IPU falls, slowly rising to her feet again. Jesus grabs the steel chair she had dropped earlier and delivers a smashing blow across her head! IPU goes down! Jesus goes for the pinfall!
As the ref is counting… what’s this? Someone’s running down the ramp! It’s… it’s… it’s Judas! He’s holding a small cloth sack! He slides into the ring and hits Jesus over the head with it! Jesus is out! The ref didn’t see it! Judas is pulling IPU over Jesus! The ref is counting… 1… 2… 3! IPU wins! The crowd is going crazy!
Her music starts blasting through the arena, and the Invisible Pink Unicorn stomps triumphantly back up the ramp, clutching the WWF Heavyweight Religion Champion Belt.
Let’s go to a commercial…
[… so git on down here t’day! Yessiree! We’re dealin’!]
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re back at the arena, and there’s been a startling development. Where’s Jesus? Just moments ago he was lying flat out on the mat, and now he’s gone.
[switch to snaggle-toothed drooling teen punk]
Well, I seen somebody walkin’ past me. It coulda been Jesus, but I don’t know. Am I on TV?
[switch to fat little girl with finger in nose]
Some man came up to my mommie and said sumfin’. But she fainted.
[switch to fat old man with finger in navel]
I want my damn money back.
[switch to ringside]
Vince, nobody’s really sure exactly what happened. There was a lot of confusion, and I’m afraid the replay camera hasn’t been much help.
[superimpose replay camera in corner of screen]
There was a lot of commotion in and around the ring. In these frames, you can clearly see Jesus lying lifeless, flat out on the mat with several women and one man kneeling around him. But notice all the flashes from the press cameras. Now, if we stop it right here, we can see a flash that completely whites out the next five frames. Okay, stop right there. There it is. After that flash, Jesus is no longer in the picture.
We don’t know what to make of it, Vince. It’s especially confusing because several people in the crowd claim that he stopped and talked to them.
[switch to little old lady with radiant expression]
He is risen! He told me not to be afraid, and then when the tears cleared from my eyes, he was gone!
[switch back to ringside]
One thing, though, Vince. Most of the people who claim to have seen him admit they’re his fans. So I don’t know how objective they might be as witnesses.
I guess we’ll know more after security finishes its search of the arena. Back to you, Vince.
Vince? Vince! Hello, Vince? Can you hear me, Vince?
Outside the arena, Vince is talking to a young man.
“But you don’t even look like him! How do I know you’re telling the truth?”
“You must search your own heart for that answer.”
The young man turns to walk away, and Vince follows him.
“Where are you going?”
“Everywhere.”
“Can I go with you?”
“As you wish.”
[switch to camera outside, cop pointing toward South Street]
Vince? Last I saw him, he was walkin’ that-a-way, talkin’ to himself.
[Moderator Hat: ON]
Danielinthewolvesden said:
Go to the BBQ Pit if you want to act like this. And that is meant purely in the Moderatorial way.
David B, SDMB Great Debates Moderator
[Moderator Hat: OFF]
douglips replied to Libertarian:
Doug, you’re going to Hell for that.
Or worse, you’re going to Heaven, because in Heaven no one has any free will anymore.
Actually, free will is what Heaven (and Hell) is.