I work in a hotel in systems. But my office is in the sales department. I heard the banquet servers constantly whine how they hate Jewish weddings as they are hard to deal with. They are so tough is what they would say.
Then the catering director said “It’s hard to find a wedding / social director as we get so many Jewish weddings and events.”
I asked why he said. He said “they’re just tough.” When I asked what he meant. He said that you have to learn how to handle them as their functions are so different.
Any one know what is meant by this? There doesn’t seem to be a prejudice, just that there is much much more work involved.
Well, there’re Jewish weddings, and then there are Jewish weddings. What’s tough about them depends a lot on the specifics of the surrounding community, the facilities and staff available, etc.
Depending on how observant the families involved are, and on how, um, strict their practices are, a Jewish wedding can be nearly indistinguishable from your typical nominally Christian but mostly secular conventional weddding, or it can be unlike anything most people in our culture have ever seen.
Generally, there’s a hell of a lot more for the facility to do in a Jewish wedding than most others. For one thing, it’s likely that the wedding itself will take place at the hotel instead of at a synagogue, particularly if the individuals involved are Orthodox. Unlike Christian weddings where the ceremony is performed at a church and the hotel handles only the reception, a lot of Jewish weddings can occupy the facility and its staff for the better part of a whole day.
It will also likely require more room and a lot more setup and preparation for the staff. In most if not all Orthodox communities, for instance, it would be necessary to segregate the male and female attendees with some sort of barrier (this is the origin of the custom of holding the bride and groom up on chairs – the intent was to allow them to dance together, after a fashion, by holding them above the barrier). There will also be a chassan’s tish or “groom’s table” where the ketubah (marriage contract) will be signed, and likely some area where the women can entertain the bride until the ketubah has been signed and the ceremony proper begins. As has been suggested, in a hotel without a dedicated kosher kitchen facility, accommodations may have to be made for a kosher caterer with tons of equipment, utensils, dishes, etc., and most hotels are very reluctant to allow any caterer other than their own kitchen to operate on their premises.
It all adds up to a lot of work. If there are a variety of Jewish communities that might be using the facilities, you’d have to learn your way around a different set of rules and expectations for each one. And Jewish brides, grooms, and families are no different from any others in wanting everything about their wedding to be “perfect” and having little patience for mistakes.
“Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.” –Satchel Paige
I would add that Jewish Weddings are often messier than others.
Let me explain:
Jewish law commands wedding-goers to entertain a bride and groom. This is a Mitzva (commandment), akin to giving charity or prayer. If you attend the wedding, you’re obligated to make sure they have fun.
What this means is that a great deal of time is spent on the dance floor (which is usually divided into men and womens’ sections), the band playing long sets of jewish dance music while the party-goers dance and perform for the guests of honor.
This is not your run-of-the-mill ballroom dancing; this is sweatstained-tuxedo, cummerbunds-hanging-from-the-chandlier kind of dancing. At my wedding, there was juggling, a ton of dancing, people jumping around with flaming hats of their heads, a pinata, a limbo, etc, etc, etc. The band (6 pieces) played for over 6 hours. I didn’t see my wife for most of the party.
The affair began at 11:00 or so and the party didn’t end until past 3:00 am. I don’t even want to think about what it must have been like to clean up the food, confetti, silly-string, etc.
I attended the Jewish wedding of my neice and it was over twice as long as the two other weddings I attended last summer.
The ceremony was about the same length, but the prayers and dinner and prayers and reception and prayers and dancing were hours longer than we were accustomed to.
I’d wager the guy was complaining about how tough it is to turn the entire kitchen Kosher for an Orthodox Jewish wedding. It is a pain in the neck, and I certainly appreciate the struggles of any hotel manager who deals with it.
And, depending on just how strict the family is about certain modesty details, the hotel might have to provide seperate rooms for the men and women’s eating, dancing, etc.
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
I never even thought about the kitchen. Our hotel has a kitchen on the 16th floor. And most of our weddings are held up there. I wonder if it is kosher???
Or it is turned kosher for the sake of the wedding. It’s an involved process (bathing the pots, dishes and silverware in high-temperature boiling water; burning out the ovens), but not an impossible one.
Well, I work for a swish catering company, doing $40,000 + events. We do it all, Hindu weddings (much more set up and fuss), Muslim (talk about your food rules), Baptist, etc, etc.
We all complain about the Jewish events, barmitzvahs, etc, etc. And it has nothing to do with the work itself. It has to do with the interaction with the people.
They are tough people to deal with, hard to please. They can be harsh in their often unending and/or unrealistic demands. When there are children it’s left to the caterers to tend them. They are loud, you WILL get hollered at, and in many cases, not politely. It’s just tough. We do it, with a smile on our face, because that’s our job. But I’m sure they are charged a premium because it is sooo much harder for the staff to remain composed and personable after any length of time. I’m not saying they are not nice people, that has not been my experience. And like all generalizations there are exceptions, I’m the first to admit. They can be very challenging customers to please. There are several caterers in this town that just say no because of this.
I don’t think this is different, substantially, than any other business. Every business has some sector of challenging customers. Cab drivers have little old ladies, waitresses have teachers. It’s just that. Your friend was very acurate when he said they are just tough. That’s the truth.
Wisdom is the boobie prize,they give you when you’ve been --unwise!
Man, just when I was getting really annoyed at elbows3’s “Jews are pushy” stereotyping, along came Eve, who once again, made me laugh out loud.
BTW–I’d rather deal with Jews who tell you what they want than with WASPy types who tighten their already thin lips and say “everything is fine” and then stiff you on the tip!
