Some people certainly do this. It’s not as easy for them as you think though, because if the unemployment people suspect you’re fucking around, they’ll start to require signatures from potential employers stating you have applied for a position.
You really think I would work for someone like you? :rolleyes:
Have fun shoveling your own snow, Mr. Congenial. I suspect any company YOU run will have quite a high employee turnover rate, with all the ensuing costs incurred. But I guess that wouldn’t be any fault of yours, now would it? Better hope your boss is as ignorant as you are.
1 - And you, “sir,” need to learn the definition of a strawman before you run your mouth about how “unintelligent” other people are.
2 - I wish I could be around the first time you ever lose a job. Clearly, you think you are master of all you survey, and employment struggles are things that only happen to people less intelligent and lazy than yourself.
3 - You know where a “liberal douche” goes? Right up your girlfriend’s pussy, 'cause her conservative cock doesn’t give out enough juice.
4 - You can always tell an SDMB rookie. 
Lizard, who will probably be reported forthwith.
Mailing in a crappy resume for a job you are not actually qualified for counts as a good faith effort. I apply to Company, I tell the welfare people where I applied to, welfare mails me a check.
The “unemployment people” don’t suspect shit. They rarely have the time, or the inclination, or the incentive, to do anything other than mail a check.
Once a Millennia, they will call the Company to ask if I actually applied (generally months afterwards). If company says yes, that’s the end of it. They are never, ever going to check the quality of my application.
Rand, I totally agreed with you to begin with… and then you starting acting like a tool. Knock it off.
I have carpetbombed the HR office of our school district for every non-degree type job that has opened up for months.
I have had several eyes go over my pathetic life on a peice of paper and say, " It’s fine. Send it."
So, I hand deliver it.
I have not received one phone call at all. ( I take that back, I’ve had one interview and it was down to two people for the role of Lunch Lady. My friend, who I didn’t know was apply for it, got it. )
My self esteem has been in the crapper like you cannot imagine. until I decided that the Old Lady ( in her 70’s) who runs the front desk at HR for the School is probably inserting any resumes that are not family directly into the shredder.
I mean, it is not like I wrote my resume out in Wing Ding Fonts and gave GOD as a reference. I just want to be a fucking lunch lady or something.
Many, many years ago I had a temp job at TWA’s flight attendant recruitment office in St. Louis. There were a couple dozen of us and our job was to open mail that contained requests for applications and send them out in a self-addressed stamped envelope they were supposed to include with their request. Any other information they provided, such as cover letters, photos, etc., were to be discarded in these gigantic trash cans. In fact, the ads they were responding to specifically said not to include photos.
We also had to process the applications when they were returned, phoning the applicant to set up a date for them to come in for the group interview. We weren’t supposed to be allowed to save any of the things that were sent in, but I simply couldn’t resist sneaking out a few of the more hilarious and outrageous ones. Here are a few samples. . .
Addressed to Transient World Travel Academy
I will like for you to sended me another application. . .
I wanted to do this when I was 18 but my mother was afraid that the plane would crash. . .
Will my naked butt get me a job? (SFW - very blurry scan)
This person. Loves. Punctuation and, Capitalization.
Iam extremely interested in becoming a Flight Stuart
Hello! . . . I would be very please if Trans World sented me an application. . .
This person makes all their cloths
This person was concerned about caring too many suite case and lugguges at the same time.
There are many more, but this was all I had time to scan for now. Enjoy! 
That one was kinda cute!
Priceless! I particularly liked “Handeling emergency situations” (I was picturing an aircraft going down while the flight attendant sings selections from Handel’s Messiah); and “fling over seas.” Hey, why have an illicit home-based affair when you can have a fling overseas?
Thanks for the smiles!
The type of job I’m looking for is, unfortunately for me, the type that only accepts on line apps. Administrative Assistant Jobs. I have just spent a couple HOURS dicking around with Walgreen’s page. You know, if you’re going to use some outside company’s software to get applications in, make sure the shit WORKS. :rolleyes:
As a lowly University departmental Admin, I get to review & log all the applications.
Although the logging of vast volumes of paperwork is tedious, it can be entertaining (especially for a high school dropout like yours truly).
Recently, during a search for a tenure-track Assistant Professor, I encountered one that was poorly laid out, full of grammatical errors & misspellings…lo and behold, he’s a Ph.D.! From This Very Flagship University! WOO HOO way to educate!!!
Oh believe me, verifying that claim was the first thing I did. Sadly, it was true.
Regardless, he instantly disqualified himself by 1) not including the requested letter of introduction to the search committee chair and 2) when I politely reminded him via email to submit said letter, he replied thusly (and I quote):
Dear Ms. Orderfire:
It is felt that I qualify for this position since I have over 18 years of actual classroom teaching experience, 5 years of educational administration experience and have over 12 years of interacting with students who have disabilities.
Along with my educational preparation, I feel that I am more than qualified for a fair shot at this position in terms of at less being granted an interview to discuss my qualifications in greater detail.
Attached please find my letters of reference.
Regards
(“Regards” no less! Do you believe this guy??)
Well, shut my mouth! Why didn’t you say so! In that case, you’re hired! Never mind that posted minimum qualification about good interpersonal and communication skills. Or the other one about proven ability to work effectively with diverse populations.
I shared this bundle of joy with my brother who remarked:
“You know, that PhD probably had a problem with an unsupportive admin just like you. She wouldn’t proofread, neglected to include those supporting docs and stood aside when he wrote retarded, defensive notes to higher-ups! God it’s so hard to get good help these days. Out of my way, underling!
It is felt that that I know what I am talking about. It Is Felt that this is one of many functionally illiterate douchewads who has spend way too much time in academia.”
And I’m sure he said to himself:
“Personally, I find it insulting that any employer thinks I should spend my time seeking out generic letters of introduction. Obviously, they don’t want to bother actually looking at resumes, so they shift the work of sorting potential employees into a format that allows them to eliminate people based on pre-determined criteria. I’m sure this works out quite well for them, but not for any intelligent person out there looking to get ahead by learning something new, or trying a different field than the one they’re in. Companies looking for people this way are sending a clear message at the outset: Our employees are interchangeable, and we don’t care to work very hard in finding them.”
Uhm, wow. That seems like a really good way to piss off the potential employer and guarantee the job seeker doesn’t get the job they applied for.
True story, a few years ago I was on unemployment, but picking up whatever work I could find to get by until I found something more permanent. A lot of freelancing, but not enough to pay the bills. I got some freelance work with a company, which paid well but wasn’t going to be consistent. So I had one week where I worked enough that they closed my unemployment claim, and I had to reopen the next week because they didn’t have any work for me then.
Now, these people liked me, and liked my work. It was also a direct freelance, no agency playing middleman. So, for legal purposes, I was self-employed, this company was my client. They’d be filing a 1099, not a W-2. I was not, in any way, their employee.
So when I tried to reopen, the Unemployment guy asked me who my employer was last week when my claim was closed. I told them, repeatedly, that it was me. I had been freelancing. I was self-employed. I was working at this company but they were not my employer. They were my client.
We go around like this for five minutes, with me insisting that it’s ME who was the employer here, and he insisting that he couldn’t put that down. (What, no one freelances in unemployment land?) Finally he says “I just need something to put on the form.” Silly me, thinking he meant what he said, finally gave up the name of my client, again reminding him that they are my client and not my employer.
And you know what happened? The unemployment office calls this company up, and starts asking questions, and wants them to pay out that payroll/unemployment fee on my paycheck. And I never worked for them again. I even tried leaving them an apology on their voicemail, telling them that I’d told the unemployment people that they weren’t my employers, but it did no good. They never even spoke to me again.
Goddamn fuckers. I can’t even begin to tell you how many thousands of dollars that cost me. That was going to be an ongoing, open-ended gig, and I probably would have had work with them for as long as I wanted. Certainly long enough to find a full-time job. And when I called the Unemployment office and told them that they’d just guaranteed I’d be back on the dole for several more months instead of working, they didn’t care.
Since he didn’t proofread his application, I’m guessing not.
Anyway, any intelligent person would probably assume that somebody who can’t follow one-sentence instructions is a complete fucking idiot and not worth their time.
They do. They just don’t tell Unemployment. 
Okay, Hiring Professionals, if “Dear Mama” doesn’t cut it as a salutation, what do you suggest? “To whom it may concern” is too 1930s (so you can bet I use it, and continue to be unemployed) and “Dear hiring professional” is too clinical.
This assumes you don’t have the company’s name so you can’t call them up and ask, “What’s the name of your head of HR?”
I use “Dear Sir/Madam”; that was the salutation my Business classes at University taught me to use in the “Specific Recipient Unknown” situation.
Well played sir. I doubt Lizard et al will understand though.
If I don’t know a name, I usually open with “Ladies and Gentlemen.”
Oh snap!
We were also half expecting to hear from Diversity & Equity with a complaint from this self-important tool. It is felt that he deserves an interview, damn it!! Isn’t that justification enough???
:rolleyes:
Pretty tough competition for the other 57 applicants who were actually qualified.
I prefer “WHUTUPP YO!!!” - a real attention-grabber.