Job Interview Advice

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, I’ve been looking for a job now for a little over six months. I’ve had a grand total of three interviews and none of them panned out even though I was well qualified for them. I know a lot of the problem is the job market and the fact that I haven’t worked in four years (being a mom). And I also have a sneaking suspicion that my reason for leaving my last job is coming back to bite me in the butt. So I was hoping for some advice on how to best answer some of the questions regarding my job history.

Normally, when they ask why I haven’t had a job in four years, I reply that I took time off for family obligations. I feel that it’s better to not get into too much detail and it also doesn’t make them suspicious about the gap of unemployment. This is what I put on my resume as well. Unfortunately, in at least one instance, they asked for a bit more detail and I revealed that it was for raising a child and the whole tone of the interview changed immediately. And I’m concerned that by me putting that on my resumes and cover letters that it might be costing me potential interviews. How else could I explain four years without working?

And the there’s the fact the last job I had, I quit because of stress. It’s the same industry as the jobs I’m applying for now but it was so much more stressful than anything I had before that I had to leave for my own health. I’ve been truthful, saying that the stress levels at the job were too high but it just makes me feel that there must be some better answer that’s not outright lying. Or maybe I can word it differently? I’m just getting pretty discouraged right now with job hunting and trying to do what I can to improve any future chances.

2

With the four year job gap I don’t think you can avoid explaining that as you’ve explained it. You have to learn how to respond to questions in a tone appropriate for the interview but I’d say something like:

“Early in my child’s life I felt it was very important to take time off to raise him/her. But now I am able to commit to a working schedule as my child is older.”

You have to explain that four year gap, but it’s good to indicate that you’re ready to come back to the work force and really take work seriously and not be an employee that is going to need excessive time off (above and beyond what other employees would have), special treatment with scheduling and et cetera. If you are going to need those things, I hope you are applying at companies or work places that allow that.

I’m a bit confused on the chronology though.

It has been four years since you held a job because you took time off for family obligations? So I would say you left your last job to fulfill family obligations…not because of stress. You don’t need to bring stress up at all and shouldn’t.

3

Martin Hyde, well technically I quit my job THEN found out I was pregnant. I’m just worried that if I tell them I left because of that, and my former employer contradicts me, it’ll look even worse.

4

I would generally not be concerned about that too much. What sort of operation was your former employer? If they are a large company or a government entity, most of those types of organizations have, due to litigation concerns, adopted fairly standard job reference responses in which they will basically say, “Yes this person worked here during the indicated dates” and scant more information than that.

Either way I think it is plausible and acceptable to say you “took time off for family”, you don’t need to get ultra-specific and there are ways to avoid that. If they ask for more details just say, “well I was having a child and I needed to focus on that and I felt that being a stay at home parent for the first few years of the child’s life was very important, but am now ready to enter the workforce.” The chronology is such that I think there’s no way a prospective employer would really conclude you’re a liar if you omitted the fact that you left due to “stress.”

Finally, if you ever leave a job over stress in the future do not give that as your official reason. Just say you have “decided to pursue other opportunities”, you do not want this being something that could ever be traced back to you.

Be as vague and uninformative as possible in exit interviews, in fact avoid them if possible, they serve only your employer and not you.

5

Tell more about this. How did the tone change?

6

Martin Hyde, it was a privately owned veterinary clinic, but they’re quite large so you’re probably right in that they’ll stick to that sort of answer. I have an interview this Thursday so I think I’ll do as you suggested if the question comes up. Thanks for the advice :slight_smile:

Well, when it first began, the man who was interviewing me (owner of the clinic), was all smiles and laughs. He would ask me side questions about my experiences in other clinics, a really relaxed interview. But once it came up that I had a child, it suddenly became much more tense. No more smiles or easy going nature from him. His final few questions were terse and almost sounding annoyed and he quickly ended the interview. I normally wouldn’t be one to assume it was a biased situation, but in my mind it clearly was that time.

7

What sort of position are you looking for? Are you a vet tech? A veterinarian? A support person?

Honestly I would just say that you had been a stay at home mom (dad?) for the last four years but now that Junior was starting school you were keen to rejoin the work force. If one person was biased because you have a child that’s a shame, but I can’t imagine that is what is hindering your other applications. I worked at the Vet School here for a few years - almost all of the vets had kids of their own so I can’t imagine them being anti-child as a group.

8

Generally, a former employer cannot reveal the details of your leaving, only whether or not you are eligible for rehire (are you?). If you didn’t give notice, or violated some other company rule for leaving, then you may not be. They can answer questions about such minor things as promptness, but if they get into personalities or opinions, they open themselves for a lawsuit. If you are putting a phone number on the resume, I’d make sure it was for the HR department and not your old bosses number. If pressed, you can say that it seemed like it was a good time to move on to something more challenging (pick a word), but then, in the process of looking for another opportunity, you found you were expecting and decided to stay at home until the child was of school age.

9

Have you called your former employer to let them know you are looking for work and ask for a reference? Even if the relationship ended badly you need to do this. Sucks, but facing up to it will make a big difference. Then have a friend call your former employer and ask for a reference. You need to know what they are saying about you.

Never, never mention the stress. You were planning to start a family and wanted to be there for the early years. Now you’ve got this down, the child is starting school and you are raring to go.

The change was probably due to his having lost employees to maternity leave. If you are definitely not planning to have more children, there’s nothing wrong with saying so. If you might be planning to, then you need a supportive environment, and as unfair as it is, that’s not who you want to be working for when it happens.

In my last job search I was very clear with each potential employer that Celtling comes first, I’m a single Mom and I’l be out of there at 5:30 on the dot. I can work late at night and early mornings from home, but I have to be at daycare for pick-up -> no exceptions. I didn’t get a lot of call backs. But the one I did get turned out to be the boss/company who have stood by me through hell and highwater. The extra month of searching was horrible, but I’m glad I was honest.

Only you can guess at whether in your case that would be the difference between having the right/wrong job or getting/not getting any job.

10

If you mentioned you left the last job due to any kind of stress (hey, animals will always be unpredictable, bite you, and may stress you out), AND you have a child (another source of stress), then I as an interviewer would view that only one way. And that is: “oh man, this candidate is already possibly going to be missing work due to a sick child at times, but on top of that, may randomly miss even more work due to stress caused by that child or the animals. I don’t want her”.

The trick here is that you left the previous job because you got pregnant and felt it was important to be there for your child. Stress NEVER factored into it. At the time, your finances were such that it made sense for you to stay home and it was what you wanted to do anyway with a new child as any mother would. Now that Junior is older, he/she is starting school/ daycare/ whatever, and you have an established network of family members, friends, etc. to help that you didn’t have at the time, who can also help at times if Junior gets sick, etc. while at this job (this may be entirely fiction but it defuses that fear from the employer). I would also mention that you have no plans to have any more children (even if you’re unsure), because you want to let them know that the job is important to you, you love animals and love the work, and miss being in the workforce. If whatever problems surface again that caused you to leave the previous job, as far as this employer is concerned, it’s the first time it has happened…

Honestly, after four years I would be surprised if anyone in HR at your previous employer even remembers you, let alone wants to take the legal risk of telling your employer why you left. If they just say you quit, well that’s in line with your story. If they say something about your “stress” and you are asked about it in a follow up interview, I would spin it as "I knew I was pregnant and had a very stressful pregnancy with morning sickness, etc. I was, however, dedicated to the job even though the hours were far longer than they are here. Eventually, I felt it was better for everyone there if I left, as I knew I would be leaving anyway once I had my child, and the timing was right because they already had <person X> who is great and I knew could take up the slack with me being gone.

As a side note, I have found being complimentary of a random former co-worker (rather than trashing them like so many people traditionally do, and which may be completely justified) really stands out in an interview. After all, if you liked <person X>, and liked your job, it must have been really tough for you to quit - hence some of the stress of the situation at the time.

11

In addition to the great answers you’ve received here, I would suggest that you structure your resume so that it’s functional rather than chronological. This type of resume highlights your SKILLS before your chronological work history.

I have left many jobs - it is very hard for me to stay somewhere where I’m unhappy, and I am always on the lookout for something better. Whenever I’ve been asked why I’m looking for a new position, I find a way to put a positive spin on my answer - e.g. “I am looking for new challenges.” or “I am looking to work with a bigger team so I can learn from my colleagues.” … something like that.

Please do not ever mention stress again - although it is honest, it is also a “weakness” that can eliminate you from serious consideration.

Good luck in your job search!

12

When I’m trying to fill a job, it is hard to decide among good candidates, so I (and others) look for disqualifiers to winnow the field down. Quitting because of stress is a big one, because how would I know that your stress isn’t my normal situation? Or, I might be worried that if we hit a really busy period someone with stress issues would be a hindrance, not a help. So, don’t mention that any more.

If and when they ask, just say that you decided it was time to have a family. That is plenty of detail, and it doesn’t even say that you were pregnant. There are strict limits as to what can be asked at an interview (I don’t think marital status is a fair question) so don’t volunteer too much. BTW, the guidelines for my company are exactly what Martin said.

Don’t worry about the person who turned off when you said you had a kid. Some jobs are better not to get, and if he gave you trouble every time you had an emergency you’d regret taking the job.

When you interview, don’t give them any reasons to reject you, but also be upbeat, positive, and answer questions in the context of how you can help them be more efficient and more profitable, not about how they can help you.