I’ve been in Ohio [location: undisclosed for the protection of Happy and McCain] for two weeks, and will be here until the morning of Nov. 5, doing campaign work with my union for Barack Obama. I’m here with about 10 other union brothers and sisters. We just found out today that McCain will be staying at our hotel later this week.
So, anything you want me to ask the old man as we shuffle through the complimentary breakfast bar together?
No, but if you’re anywhere near the Columbus area and would like the Whatsit family to make a Tim Hortons run for you (will provide coffee AND donuts!) that can be dropped off at a particular time and location, pls PM me. We are a pro-Obama and pro-union household over here.
Ask him if he will offer Obama a cabinet post!
Count the sheets and towels after he leaves. But try not to touch them.
Ask him if he regrets picking his idiot running mate. Or, ask if she gives good blow jobs.
Introduce yourself as Bill the Electrician and ask to join his staff.
Something tells me the answer to these two questions will be related.
What was it that Jack Nicholson as the Joker asked Batman? Something about the devil and moonlight? Ask him that. (And then brace yourself for being tackled by swarms of SS agents. ;))
Seriously, though, I doubt if you’ll actually be able to rub elbows with the guy. They’re probably going to be keeping him pretty isolated, for reasons of security (SOP, not because they’re worried about you or your friends going after him), but if you do have any encounters with him, let us know how they turn out.
Ask why he couldn’t afford a better place to stay? 
This!
We’re staying in an extended-stay hotel, a very nice one mind you, but it really surprised me to hear the senior senator from Arizona, husband of a beer heiress, and Republican candidate for president is staying here.
Ask him about the kind of security detail he has, that you would get unfettered access to him
I just pulled up and was greeted by the “Straight Talk Express.” Very shiny and Republican looking.
I also happened to mention at the local Obama office where McCain was staying tonight, if anyone wanted to come watch Obama’s infomercial in the lobby with us tonight.
You, uh, gonna stick an Obama/Biden 08 sticker on it? (Yeah, I know, its been done, but its the kind of joke that never gets old.)
Put a black mamba in a suitcase filled with money and tell him its a campaign contribution.
No, don’t! (How do you think he got stuck with Palin…?)
Short sheet him.
Say “Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?”.
Well, his caravan arrived at around 10:15 last night with much fanfare and police sireny goodness-- the Straight Talk Express followed by four other buses, and 20 or so SUVs. He left to go give his speech in Defiance, OH a while ago. They’re still loading up the U-Haul with his suitcases out front though.
When they got here last night, I went down to the lobby to hang out with his staffers wearing my Obama t-shirt. Honestly, if looks could kill…