John Paulk, the former openly gay drag queen turned “ex-gay” Dobson acolyte turned husband to ex-gay woman turned “I was just in that gay bar to have a drink” scandal figure turned ex-Dobson but still ex-gay is now ex-ex-gay and ex-Dobson.
While it’s hardly surprising that the “reparative therapy” he used to advocate doesn’t work, I am surprised that he’s admitting it and that he’s issued a formal apology.
I wish him happiness.
I wish him well also
Sampiro did you edit his Wiki? The coding that links to his apology through Wiki has the SDMB in its body.
Capt
Well, I think that’s just exfabulous.
I believe that would be ex-ex-fabulous.
Are any of the original founders/poster children of the exgay movement not saying its all bullshit? Seems that most of them have come out. Again.
I knew I should have invested in that revolving-door company.
Good for him and interesting story. It’s ok to be takei… I mean gay!
Apparently he ensures that his “next actions come from a place of thrush and authenticity.”
I’d wondered which side of the fence his ex-gay ex-wife to be was on, and she’s still holding on to the “pray the gay away” mission, but does say she’ll pray for him.
I have mixed emotions of pity and anger for her and those like her, the pity being that life’s too short for people who aren’t unnecessarily harming others to be self loathing over something they can’t help, and anger over seeking company for their misery through organizations like herRestored Hope Network, “a membership governed network dedicated to restoring hope to those broken by sexual and relational sin, especially those impacted by homosexuality”. (You might be broken, hon, but I don’t think it was the homosexuality what done it.)
And of course more than anything I’m reminded of a 15 year old The Onion article.
Though when God slams a door he opens a closet somewhere, and it’s amazing how the universe balances.
Antoine “They’re Climbing in Your Window” Dodson is now straight.
He claims he’s always loved “the art of a woman”, marking that phrase’s debut as a synonym for ‘penis’.
I think in the case of one organization two of the founders renounced it and ended up together. Talk about irony.
Technically, I suppose I could be called an “ex-ex-gay”! I was actually involved in the so-called “ex-gay movement” and “reparative therapy” for almost five years. I met John Paulk at a conference in San Diego in 1995. I knew he was living a life of denial, just like the rest of us!
I was the youngest person to be involved in the ministry because I lied about my age. I was only 15 when I started attention counseling and group sessions, but I was also a 6’2" 275# high school football player that could pass for 21+. I didn’t confess my true age until a few months after I turned 18, when I graduated high school.
Shortly after the 1995 conference I mentioned above, at the ripe old age of 20, I finally threw in the towel. You can’t PRAY OUT THE GAY, no matter how hard you try! Over those five years, I lost 11 friends/acquaintances to suicide and heard of many more that I didn’t personally know! Everyone else that I knew from those days gave up trying to change what couldn’t be changed. Some chose to be ‘openly gay’ and embraced the stereotype and all the self-destructive behaviors that it entails. But a quite a few of us are happy, or at least content, living as regular folks who just happen to be gay…
I’m amusing myself picturing how awkward the sex must be between a gay guy and lesbian woman, both feverantly Christian, trying to prove to themselves and one another that they’re in fact really into heterosexual sex.
Anyways, I’m glad Paulk has stopped torturing himself.
At the 1995 conference of Exodus International (the parent organization that united 100+ individual ‘ex-gay ministries’ located across the country and in several foreign countries), the men were required to play softball and the women were taught how to style their hair and apply makeup…
I swear to God, I couldn’t make this shit up!!! And the men were given t-shirts that everyone thought was hilarious, but it was even funnier when you realize that Exodus was unintentionally mocking itself…the t-shirts read- “I once was lost, but now I play softball!” =)
It was hilarious and heart-wrenching at the same time to watch some of those guys try to hit a ball…one frail little guy knocked himself out with his own bat…
Because I had been a high school football player, I was exempt from playing softball…they made me the freakin’ coach! Imagine coaching Nathan Lane from Birdcage, Jack from Will & Grace and every other over-the-top uber-gay you’ve ever seen/met and you will have an idea of the hilarious nightmare that I was forced to participate in! :smack:
There’s something unsettling here, at least in the way you phrase it. “Who just happen to be gay” sounds like you’re trying to minimize being gay.
When I was growing up, I didn’t realize you could be both gay and “regular folks,” and coming to that realization was an important part of the coming-out process. It sounds like you are still stuck thinking that “openly gay” means “flamboyantly gay.” I’ve encountered other people who think that gay is okay in its place, but that your sexuality shouldn’t be a part of your identity and it isn’t something that your casual acquaintances and co-workers should even know about. Apologies if I’m wrong to read this into your message.
Your sex life is nobody’s business but yours and your partner’s (or partners’, up to you). Being gay, though, is more than that: it means you date men as well as sleep with them, and might want to feel safe and secure in doing so and even engage in (very chaste!) public displays of affection without worrying about it, the way straight people do. In the interests of educating the straight public and allowing a safe climate for that, how about revising your definition of “openly gay” to include "regular folks.
Sounds fabulous!
I apologize for not clearly explaining what I was trying to say! Certainly, openly gay people can be regular folks and millions of them are! There are many things that define me and a lot of them are more important than my sexual orientation.
I don’t announce my sexual orientation the moment I meet new people unless there is a valid reason for doing so. I prefer for them to get to know me without preconceived ideas.
Actually, it can be quite amusing when I finally ‘come out’ to new friends. I worked on a project at a company for several months last year. By the end of the first week, I was buddies with IT Director and the Vice-President of Operations. They invited me out for a few beers on that first Friday night and two more friends of theirs also came. The five of us met for drinks and hung out every Friday night for five or six weeks. During that time, several of us went to auto show (where I knew more about the cars than they did). The first time they rode in my car, they were amazed that my car was a stick-shift because none of them ever learned how to drive one.
Then one of the guys noticed my “Georgia Carry Permit” which allows me to carry a concealed weapon. I spent my pre-teen years on a competitive target shooting team and I’m still a pretty good aim. I also drive through a high crime area to get to my house on the good side of town and don’t intend on being anyone’s victim!
Anyway, after six weeks or so of getting to these guys, I felt like I was being dishonest or deceptive by not telling them that I’m gay. Two of them were totally cool and it was a non-issue with the, it seemed to disturb one guy (my least favorite anyway, and likely with unresolved issues of his own) and the fourth guy was unintentionally hilarious!
He didn’t believe me at first, then he went silent for a few minutes…and when he started talking again, it was incomplete sentences for a while…“But you don’t seem…” and “You’re just like a normal…” and “But you don’t act like…”
It took him a bit to comprehend that a gay man can know about cars and mechanical stuff (thanks to my grandpa), play sports and carry a gun and know how to use it…but he and his wife are now two of my best friends! He now understands that gay men come in all sorts of varieties and with many varied interests, just like any other men! He also realizes that just because I’m gay, it doesn’t mean that I’m interested in him in any way other than a platonic friend!
I’m celibate and have been for a lot longer than I care to admit (and not altogether by choice- just kind of ended up that way). I haven’t even been on a date- by any definition- in Og knows when. And yet, I still consider being gay a major aspect of who I am and at least as important as any other major demographic (race, gender, etc.).
I didn’t mean for us to get bogged down in semantics! Beelzebubba clarified his post nicely, and we all seem to agree that “gay” is a variable aspect of identity that includes more than sex (I was a not-entirely-by choice celibate gay guy for a lot of years, too.)
I’ve been celibate since my partner and I separated in April 2004…nine years now. It hasn’t been intentional, but a combination of being a workaholic and a HEAVY DUTY mix of meds for ADHD, panic/anxiety attacks and psycho-stimulant to counteract the effects of obstructive sleep apnea have pretty much killed any interest…
I actually got married when I was 18 to my high school sweetheart. When I finally decided to throw in the towel on the whole ex-gay thing when I was 20, I had never been with another man. I didn’t have my first experience until after my wife and I were living separately and had filed for divorce. I couldn’t cheat on her, regardless of whether it was a man or woman. I loved her too much, even though it wasn’t romantic/sexual love.
By the way, we had the most amicable, friendly divorce that anyone had ever seen. I even remained very close to my former in-laws. She met someone else and got married again three years after we split. I was an usher at their wedding! When they had their son two years later, they asked me to be his God-father (Fairy God-father? maybe) and I accepted. Her husband was killed by a hit-and-run driver five years ago and I spend at least two weekend days per month with Jackson (my godson)!
Anyway, once I opened Pandora’s Box, so to speak, I went wild! I was very promiscuous for about four years. Then I suddenly realized that I didn’t like the person I had become and the way I was living. I met the first of my two long-term relationships when I was 25 and we were together for about 18 months. It did NOT end amicably…
I didn’t date for almost a year to give myself time to heal and be ready to meet someone new. Then I met my ex Brian and we were together for 3.5 years. But in April 2004, we both came to the conclusion that we loved one another and but weren’t ‘in-love’ and decided to separate, very amicably this time! Nine years later, I still talk to him at least every other week. His partner of the last seven years calls me all the time, too. They’re very happy and in love and I adore both of them.
And I have several other very close friends, gay and straight. They’re the kind of friends that I know I can call anytime, anywhere and ask them for anything and they would do it without hesitation! And they know they can do the same with me…I just bailed one of them out of jail a few weeks ago after he got into a fight with two other guys at a bar…they were mackin’ on his fiance and he had to respond appropriately…and they all went to jail for a few misdemeanor charges. Luckily, I have the deed for the 12 acres adjacent to my lot/yard, so I can post a property bond…I learned all about that with my younger brother…
Anyway, I’m content with my life for now…and one day I’ll probably want to get back in the game and try to find Mr. Right again…until then, life is good…
Reading the comments of the article you linked too, I see that he’s taking a lot of flak. I’m not familiar with the case. Is that deserved? Did he do great damages? Was he highly hostile towards contradictors or “unsaved gays” in general?