stares aghast at that …thing
If he had taken a laxative, all he’d have to do is turn around and stick out his ass at Norris. SCORE!!! 
It might be an effective tactic, but ethically speaking, its pretty sh… No. Won’t do it. Propriety. Good taste.
Megacolon, submitted for your approval, you may not want to look at this
OW!!! That looks…painful.
Well, I’d bet Audie Murphy could eat them both for breakfast, and wonder where the rest of breakfast was.
Yup. Audie Murphy never took a level in badass; badass takes levels in Audie Murphy.
Screw Wayne v. Norris. The real fight is Audie Murphy versus Alvin York.
Whoever wins that battle, you know that the real loser is going to be Germany.
All those other guys, they may have been badasses relative to other actors; Murphy was a badass relative to other badasses.
Was going to address that comment similarly. The coffee comment was a nice touch. , but you forgot to add he’d do in the first 10 pages of his book to show new readers what a bad-ass he is.
Simo Hayha would watch as York and Murphy squabbled over the remains of the movie badasses, then kill the winner three times before they got to his nest. Then kill him again with a submachine gun. Then he’d start aiming.
If we want to get into fictional characters, I think Indiana Jones might have a shot. Try giving a round house kick when your leg is tangled up in a bullwhip.
Or Chuck Norris would get into his stance, Indy would roll his eyes, yank out his gun, and shoot Norris right in the gut.
Well, yes, but we’re talking individuals, here. It’s no fair bringing in the entire Finnish army.
Wait, you’re telling me that the Finnish army had anyone other than Hayha in it? Why would they bother?
Ooh! [raises hand] I can do THAT!
OK, so everyone knows Norris could really fight, and now we know he could really pose with a gun, and no one seems to know about Wayne, but could Norris really shoot, hmm?
Here’s the my take on it.
As real people, it’s inconclusive, slightly favoring Chuck Norris. Chuck was a skilled martial artist, and actual professional Karate champion. He is also a small guy. I can’t find a reliable source to determine his height, but photographs show him to be no more than 5’8". He was selected by Bruce Lee for his small size. He usually wears high heeled boots or lifts to increase his height. The Duke was 6’4", and there are medical records from high school and college to verify that, in addition to photographic evidence. Wayne was an athlete, and anecdotal evidence from his co-workers tells of a very athletic man who held his own in actual brawls. He could shoot, but I have no idea if he was more skilled with a firearm than Norris. He may not have been able to hold up in a fight against a martial artist of Norris’s skill, but his advantage in size would have made things difficult for Chuck. Karate is not magic, Wayne could have hurt him. As I said though, slight edge for Norris in the real peron category based on the martial arts.
As for the characters, it’s the Duke hands down. Norris kicks people, Wayne shoots them. And Wayne generally has the gun drawn on the guy from the git go. His character is based not only toughness and fighting skill, but getting the drop on bad guys. Norris preferred to put himself in danger, and display unrealistic skill at fighting his way out.
On top of that, Norris plays characters of no particular substance, while John Wayne is the greatest American who ever lived. Ok, maybe that’s just opinion, but I’ll bet if you ask Chuck Norris, he’ll show deference to the Duke.
BTW: Norris’s political opinions show him to be a Sarah Palin or George Bush style idiot. Wayne’s were far more complex, and often twisted by people who cherry picked statements, and presented them out of context. For instance, his quotes about Rock Hudson being gay were used to show he was anti-homosexual. His son however, pointed out that the actual statements were about Wayne’s suprise that Hudson wasn’t interested in the women who adored him. He often talked about the Vietnam War from both the establishment side, yet questioning the sense of our actions. Much of his pro-war sentiment was based on publicity for The Green Berets. Which by the way had a much cooler theme song than any Chuck Norris movie. But he also held many traditionalist conservative values. Like I said, complex.
While Mr. Hayha and Mr. York were both fearsome warriors, they weren’t movie stars. Audie Murphy was a genuine movie star. If the field of this fantasy donnybrook includes non-movie stars, then where do we stop? The crews of Enola Gay and Bockscar?
To actually address the OP, even the real-life John Wayne and Chuck Norris that we think we might know are fictions. So, if I’m writing the fiction - I’d have Wayne stomp Norris, just because that would make a better action flick.
Just thinking about this makes me wish Norris and Wayne shot each other in the face back in the 70’s.
ETA: Make that the 50’s. Would have saved the world a boatload of bad films and even worse acting
*The Shootist *and *True Grit *would like a word with you.