Johnny was the "real" Karate Kid

According to this video

and HIMYM’s Barney Stinson

and comedian Patton Oswald

Johnny Lawrence is the true hero of the Karate Kid. Whereas Daniel was this skinny dork from New Jersey who constantly provoked Johnny, barely even knew karate and only won the tournament because the demon-wizard Miyagi imparted some ancient ass-kicking secret.

I have to say, I kind of agree. I always thought Daniel acted like a little shit.

Wasn’t Johnny a bully?

Wait, aren’t these the guys who watch Star Wars and root for Darth Vader? Don’t listen to them.

Wait… isn’t “ancient ass-kicking secret” basically the definition of the term, “martial arts?”

I never understood why Daniel was fighting so far out of his weight class. Johnny was a much bigger guy.

Johnny and his friends were definitely assholes. There’s no valid reinterpretation of the movie that gets around that. And the sensei from the Cobra Kai dojo was an outright sociopath.

But …that video really does show that all of the fighting and violence was either started by Daniel, provoked by Daniel, or came out of a situation that Daniel had the opportunity to deescalate but he chose not to.

I actually think Johnny was worse than even the movie portrays him as. When he pushes Daniel over the hill on his bike, this is extremely serious, and Daniel could’ve died. Compared to that, it doesn’t really matter that much that Daniel wins the karate tournament.

With selective editing. I wonder if the author works on Project Veritas.

Look, I’m not saying that the Alderaan incident was not profoundly regrettable, but the planet was crawling, *crawling *with fanatical terrorists bent on destroying the peace brought by the Empire because of their weird religion, and their leadership was completely collaborating-

The Empire was at the brink of collapse, and that would start several millennia of petty wars and a sort of medieval Warlord rule. A show of strength was imperative at that moment.

Is the maker of that video completely serious? Does he really really believe what he is saying? Or is he channeling Limbaugh/O Rielly/Hannity?

No, it’s a joke.

ah, ok, thanks

He doesn’t mention that Danny won the fight with an illegal kick…

I was going to say…

Danny totally cheated. What a lesson for impressionable youth - cheap and you’ll win. This movie is to blame for The Donald and all like him!

You mean the Darth Vader who was incompetently introduced to “The Force” by an inept and ultimately dishonest teacher (and instigator of the clone slave armies of the Republic which morphed into the legions of Imperial stormtroopers) who eventually maimed him and left him for dead after being submerged in lava but failed to finishing him off with a mercy kill? Darth Vader is a patsy, taken from his mother and homeworld, trained from childhood to be a vicious sociopathic killer using an archaic weapon which severs limbs and cauterizes wounds so the killer can extend the victim’s pain, and oh by the way being molested as a barely pubescent boy by a woman at least ten years his senior.

As for The Karate kid, there is some pretty damning evidence that “Mr. Miyagi” was not the simple son of a farmer he pretended to be, and in fact may have been a Japanese war criminal hiding from persecution. The fact that he “trained” Daniel-san to the point of being able to take on a much larger and more skilled opponent with just a few sessions of “wax on/wax off” suggests that Miyagi may have been providing some additional chemical enhancements in that “Okinawan green tea” he served; likely a cocktail of methamphetimines, dopamines, nerve blocks, and high potency methylxanthine compounds designed to make Daniel resistant to pain and hyperactive, with side effects to perception, memory, and emotional response.

Given that the story is told essentially from Daniel-san’s chemically altered perception, who knows how much of e supposed bullying was actually playful kidding and joking intended by Johnny and his friends to just welcome him to the neighborhood. The film is a pure fantasy told from the perspective of an alienated child of an absent father who imagines his persecution at the hands of ridiculously overstated bullying. Certainly the behavior of the dojo owner is nothing like what any serious business owner and adult would risk putting himself in criminal and civil liability just to mess with some random kid, any more than a school principal would spend a day searching around Chicago for “Ferris” Bueller. And let’s face it, there is no way that Ralph Macchio is going to end up with a mid-Eighties Elizabeth Shue. Michael J. Fox is enough of a stretch, but the scrawned, angey, bitter kid from Brooklyn getting the classic Southern California blonde who could have her choice of suitors? That’s about as implausible as that same kid having a night school lawyer who turns out to be an expert in te practice of criminal law in rural Alabama.

Stranger

Stands and applauds Stranger.

That’s nothing. Nobody mentions the irresponsible actions of a certain Kesuke Miyagi, who allowed a minor to make a serious leg injury way worse than it should by giving him temporary pain relief, and all for some crummy local trophy.

On a somewhat related topic, here’s what I’ve always wondered…

Miyagi live over forty years in America. Miyagi serve in American army. Miyagi naturalized American citizen. Miyagi live and work among people speaking perfect English all this time.

So why Miyagi still use Hulk-speak after all these years?

IANA martial artist. I don’t even pretend to be. What is illegal about the final point scored in the tournament?

Miyagi not living human. Miyagi being of pure energy that live forever, masquerading as human, feeding off hostile energies of fighting humans. Miyagi finally released from prison of Japan, after causing much suffering, soon to move into interstellar space.

Karate Kid actually sci fi film.

The ref started things off by stating that kicks to the face were forbidden, which is a pretty good idea if they’re not wearing headgear or mouthguards.

And, realistically, he could have kicked him square in the chest and still flatten the guy, thus winning legally, but nope. Not Danny’s style.