Corollary: any statement that starts with “I think. . .” is a direct order. Don’t mistake it for anything else.
Example: “I think maybe I’ll walk over to the store and get us some ice cream.”
Translation: “Get off your ass and go get us some ice cream.”
Guy rule.
If you’re at a party and some other guy shows up wearing exactly the same thing, he’s your new best friend.
ETA: Does this [clothing] make me look fat? Must never be answered. Walking into a door frame and knocking yourself unconsious is an acceptable diversion.
How about a manquote:
“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.”
Guyquote:
“Hey guys, watch this!”
Man story: I remember when. . .
Guy story: now this is no shit. . .
What does GBB mean?
“I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I expect the same from them.”
–John Wayne in The Shootist
Man rules
Guy rule: When it comes time to divide up the bill, lose the ability to do detailed math. Round up your share to the nearest $20 and through it into the pile. never show any interest in the change.
Guy rule: Always keep track of whose turn it is to buy beers.
Guy rule: Never tell another guy it’s his turn to pay.
Don’t whine, sure. But don’t feel compelled to eat it. – Man rule
(Bolding mine)
Perhaps I’m missing something, but that sounds like good cause for an exception to me.
Guy Rule: You can either tell me what to do or how to do it. Not both.
Always give your best bro-dog a reach-around when you’re loving him tenderly in his hairy, rugged ass.
Girl-Boy-Boy.
GBB - Bad… BGG - Good (straight) man rule
No? Then it seems I have overestimated you. I was unaware of the limits of your powers.
Thank the deities because you got laid–guy rule
Thank the deities because you got a lasting relationship–man rule
Soon to be re-named “Broke Guy Rules.” Fuck that, if one of the guys you’re hanging with is cheap as shit and never pays his share, call him on it!
Never check out your kid’s friends no matter what they are wearing or “how fast they grow up”. Man rule
Be nice and pleasant to the in-laws. Man rule
Don’t let your family torture your spouse. Man rule
Give your buddies shit on the golf course. Guy rule
No whining, period. Guy rule
“Never let her find out you called her a bitch.” File this one under “Guy Rule”.
Man rule: “Just because you look at other attractive women who are passing by, it doesn’t mean you don’t love the woman you’re with.”
Guy rule: “Just because you’re with the woman you love, it doesn’t mean you don’t look at other attractive women who are passing by.”
“A threesome means adding another woman.” Guy rule.
Man rule, paraphrasing Pompey the Great: “Stop quoting rules to us, we carry swords”