The rules-
It should be a rule that you have instituted by experiencing it’s converse. It doesn’t have to be one that you follow religiously, but one that you actually do try to follow for dire fear of whatever the situation it was designed to prevent.

Post the rule, but not the situation that led to it’s formation- it will be much more fun for our dirt-mongering, pointy little heads to speculate on that ourselves.
One rule per post please, to make them each stand out in their glory, although post as often as you wish.

My hesitant offering, which I’m sure will have a couple of you in outraged hysterics and making with the 'you-are-the-biggest-most-hypocritical-grossest-shiny-loser email, and to which I would only be able to respond with a gentlemanly petite showing of the tongue before turning away to carry on in a dignified manner with my pathetic, shadow-play of a life:

  1. Don’t poop in bed.

2.Tarmac is not a substitute for a dinner plate.

  1. Just because it looks like vodka, and it smells like vodka, it isn’t necessarily vodka.

(Don’t ask for details).

  1. Don’t drink two whole bottles of Martini Bianco.
  1. Never put out a candle with your fingers without licking them, and just holding it, not ‘tapping’

  2. Never inhale nearly pure CO2

  1. Rewiring electric fires is for professionals, not drunk students.

  2. A shopping trolley is not a toy.

  3. Kicking other people’s kneecaps is not big or clever.

(Especially don’t ask about that last one)

  1. Never, ever iron naked.
  1. Never work on live electicity if you are easily distracted by pretty women.

  2. Don’t take martial arts lessons while drunk.

My offering: never kill people who use “it’s” when they should have used “its”.

  1. Never drink way too much in front of family, they will never EVER forget the stupid things you did.


  1. If someone tells you to move because they are going to swing the golf club, then move.

Let go of the firecracker.

  1. Never weld for three hours without wearing the goddamn leather jacket.
  1. If you think something is too good to be true, it usually is.

…or fry bacon naked…

Both can leave you with ugly burns in places you don’t want burnt.

  1. You vs. the wrought-iron gate: The gate always wins.
  1. Never pay the porters off the night before you leave town. Pay them the next morning (unless you are sure there is no liquor left in the village).

And I’m really, really wanting to have seen some of the situations…

Looks like there’s 2 17s (is that right KellyM?)


  1. It may seem like jsut the thing, but it is not a good idea to poop over the edge of a small cliff, when outdoors.
  1. Do not actually “mate” with your housemates.
  1. Never, while naked, put on a pair of jeans straight out of the dryer. That zipper and those rivets are hot.