- Listen to your wiser female side- do not, after a few attempts to light the gas barbeque have failed, poke your head over it while clicking the ignitor, peering into the depths of the grill, and saying 'what the hell is goi ’
- Don’t take that bet when your friend asks you to prove you can really drive that slalom track faster backwards than he can forwards.
- After a night of drinking, ask yourself how badly do you really need that ukelele before liberating it from its display case.
When at a bar and faced with either a possible fight or an attractive woman, do not attempt to buy time by appearing to be cool by taking a drink of your beer without looking at it. Always check to make sure the drinking aperture is toward you.
When you see your thee year old heading towards the stereo with one of your screwdrivers, do not smile and say to yourself, ‘Oh, isn’t that just the cutest thing!’, turn away, and continue doing the dishes.
Do not assume same three year old knows that finger paints are for finger painting, while Hersheys chocolate syrup is not. Especially if there is carpet anywhere in the house.
- Do not, while barefoot, attempt to light a rocket indoors, especially when you’re using the carpet as the launchpad and there is nowhere for it to go but the ceiling or the dry pile of clothes beside you.
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Until you know your new puppy’s disposition, likes and dislikes, if you have long hair, do not fall asleep on the floor.
Corrolary: Do not fall asleep naked if, anywhere in the house, is a cat young enough to still be in the ‘playful’ stage.
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Unless you are a professional stuntman, do not set any part of yourself on fire even if you think you’ve taken the proper safety precautions.
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Do not swing from a tree with a chainsaw in your hands without ensuring you are properly harnessed to the tree.
- If you have had sufficient drink that you have significantly degraded your physical coordination, it is not the ‘coolest idea I’ve had in a long time’ to moon a passing dop.
cop
- Always set down a soldering iron before you shake hands with someone.
- Never look straight up at a bird.
Thirty-something: Never have liquids in your mouth while reading anything inor has posted.
Silly Rabbit
NEVER eat mexican food on Karate night…
When having sex with a girl, verify that your parents really aren’t home.
(This was nearly ten years ago, and it STILL isn’t funny…)
So it’s OK with boots on? How 'bout Tevas?
When you follow links on the SDMB that take you to weird websites, always take a moment to close down those windows before you get up from the computer…
It isn’t a good idea to spit bees at people through a soda straw.