Always remove all the foil and the metal twisty thing from the neck of the champagne bottle. Trust me.
KeithT said:
32-A: Don’t forget what you’re doing and pick your soldering iron back up by the wrong end.
Also: don’t go out to breakfast with smartasses when you’re seriously hung over.
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Pooping behind the couch does not free you from toilet training.
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“Get Fuzzy,” despite lacking a distinct punchline, can be actually very funny.
- You will never, ever, achieve the point of intimacy where in, if you say to your wife, ‘hay baby, I think I jsut heard a noise out in the living room, get under the covers and I’ll go look’, then, hold the covers closed and fart, she will laugh along with you.
yes, I am divorced.
- Toothpaste is not a lubricant.
i’ve heard that one before…
Policemen don’t like it when you burn a boat on the lake in the middle of a city park.
er…
i mean Don’t burn boats on the lake in the middle of the city park.
When your lab partner is nicknamed “the mad scientist,” be sure to watch everything going in the flask.
Never do yoga moves on a full stomach.
When all else fails, a brick hammer usually works.
If you think you can make it through the flooded over section of your road, you won’t.
Don’t try to hatch a chicken egg from the refrigerator by wrapping it in a sock and putting it under the couch by the heater vent.
Know it when you hear good advice, and heed it.
::throwing away all those cases of crest gel::
<sigh>
Had I had on boots when I burned a hole in the carpet, it probably would have been the boots that got burned. I don’t know how my toes managed to stay fire-free.
Rule 52: Do not attempt to clean a vacuum cleaner filter by pouring water into it.
- Or, do it enough times that you can build something useful out of them. Like a nice little adobe house.
The things cartoon characters do on t.v. cannot necessarily be done in real life.
55. Never trust a fart.
56. Never ever fart in an elevator, no matter how empty you think the office building is.
God, I weep to see this kind of cynicism in one so young.
There are very few problems in life which cannot be solved with the suitable application of high explosives.
Dont whiz on the electric fence.
When you drop a knife (or in my case, a sword) jump back and get out of the way. Do not attempt to catch it. The missing flesh will grow back funny. Trust me.
If someone tries to steal your baseball bat, dont chase after him unarmed. If you do, do not try to engage said thief in hand to hand combat because, well, his hands are full.
Also, I have to, have to, HAVE to ask about this one.
I gotta know. I just GOTTA.
- Do not try to put a dog collar around the neck of the biggest guy at the party.
61 A. When he hits you, stay down.
61 B. See 61 A.
Don’t turn on your computer if you have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. (Why, why do I never learn?)
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Dont touch the electrical fence telling a friend: “look. It isnt turned ooooooo”
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Dont drink tea when you cant breath through your nose (cause of a bad cold) and browse this thread at the same time. You ll choke.
dodgy
- Never zip before checking to see if your johnson is completely out of the way.:eek: