Do not pour gasoline into a styrofoam container.
Do not attempt to drink anything or put on eye makeup if there is a cat anywhere near your elbow.
When using an instant-read thermometer that opens like a jacknife (e.g., a Thermapen), do not close it with your bare hand immediately after pulling it out of the hot item.
Ditto on the cat, but I keep doing it! She wants to sit on my lap,while I drink my coffee, and she dunks the tip of her tail in my cup. Every. Time.
Also, don’t lift the used coffee filter out of the Cuisinart coffee maker with only one hand. It will tear, dropping wet grounds all over. It needs two hands.
Relatedly: do not pour paint thinner into a plastic cup. then leave it sitting on a vinyl-topped card table. Solvents are impressive things.
Don’t hire a divorce lawyer, just cough up the money to your ex and move on.
Squirt on liquid wrench first and wait. Re apply it 6 times if you have to, and then use normal pressure with the screwdriver.
Don’t strip the head of the screw.
Could you submit pictorial evidence of this? 
Things can indeed, be worse.
Also you can, in fact, get more lost.
Dish-washing soap and dish-washing detergent are two completely different things. Do no use the former in your dishwasher.
Always cut towards your chum, not your thumb.
Gun barrels get hot when fired.
Don’t rub your eyes after handling jalapeno peppers.
Don’t masturbate, either.
Right. One is going to continue to screw you and the other isn’t but they will be in the wrong order.
Do not attempt to carry an empty 30 gallon aquarium by the top and when it begins to slip out of the plastic rim slam your knee up to keep it from falling. (I still have the scars running across 3 fingers decades later.)
Just two words…CREDIT CARDS!!
In general, or is this specific to the jalapeno situation? In any case, I can think of lots of possible scenarios where it applies.
Waiting at a pedestrian crossing: Wait for the light. Look both ways. Also, don’t masturbate.
When giving a power point presentation: Keep it informative and to the point. Don’t masturbate.
Dinner with girlfriend’s parents: Be polite and respectful. Also… oh, you get the idea.
If you do choose to walk 9 holes when golfing for the first time this year, don’t wear the brand new, un-broken-in shoes. You will get huge blisters that take 2 months to heal.
When using a mandoline to slice food, be sure to use the hand guard, or buy and use of those special no-cut gloves.
When cleaning the kitty litter box, do not use a cleanser which includes a lot of bleach. Cat piss is high in ammonia.
I learned this lesson too, some years ago, and have never forgotten it. You don’t forget suds frothing out over the kitchen floor, unexpectedly turning your life into a wacky sitcom episode.
When reaching for the soldering iron, pay attention to which end you are grabbing.
If you are doing a little bit of hobby soldering and you happen to knock the iron off the bench top, try not to catch it.