Before you sit down on the toilet, make sure your cell phone is not in your back pocket.
When you take a jacknife-style food thermometer (e.g., Thermapen) out of a roast, don’t grab the pointy end to fold it back up.
Don’t attempt to put on eyeliner or mascara while seated if there is a cat anywhere in the room. Even if you’re sure the cat is asleep.
If your wallet falls out of your pocket while sitting down on the floor, don’t set it far back on a low shelf to keep it off the floor.
If you’re an atheist, don’t date mormons.
Don’t take what people say literally.
Make sure your car insurance actually has collision coverage on it.
90% of Christianity is dross/slag; only 10% is gold. Don’t believe anyone who tells you it is all good or all bad.
Before doing or saying anything, think of how it could potentially backfire first.
Until it gets to around 575 C hot glass looks exactly like cold glass. The same applies to most metals.
When using a sharp knife, cut towards your chum, not your thumb.
Wrap foam rubber around any table legs, bed casters, etc that you might someday potentially stub your toe on.
You CAN be MORE lost!
And you CAN feel worse!
70% of Christians will agree with you on this.
90% of Christians will disagree with you on what is dross/slag and what is gold.
Melted sugar looks a whole lot like water before you add the butter and cream to make caramel.
This scares me at the moment. I’ve kept a journal for many years and at the end of 2019, I had thought, “It can’t get worse than this.” Then in 2020, things (not just Covid, but many other things as well) got bad enough that 2019 looked downright mild and sunny in comparison and I wished I could time-travel back to 2019.
I’m now concerned that 2021 will be worse for me than 2020 and the pattern may continue.
Like. As in, I agree. Not that I would like anyone feeling worse, myself included.
Nah, I won’t get my plow truck stuck.
Heh. If you think that, you almost certainly will get stuck. Like all day stuck.
Don’t say the first thing that comes to your mind.
Never say anything negative about anyone at your work with co-workers.
Don’t scrape dried spaghetti noodles off the colander with your thumbnail.
Never walk through a dimly lit room when you have a black cat.
Never state or admit that you are bored, OG will hear you and fix the situation in ways you may not like.
Never put your wallet down on the roof of your car while you sort through your pants pockets looking for the car keys.
My dad learned that one; I personally learned the more female-oriented corollary: don’t put your expensive new coat on the roof of the car so you can have both hands free to rummage through your purse for the car keys.
I know of several stories like this. Probably ought to make a general rule: don’t put stuff on the roof of your car.
Always tighten the cap on a jar/bottle when you’re done with it.
Always make sure to specify whether you’re DEPARTING or ARRIVING at [ X ] o’clock when driving to a friend’s place.
Back up your data at regular intervals.
Some farts are not to be trusted.
People who explain to you how funny they are … aren’t. The same goes for people who explicitly tell you they’re nice, trustworthy, etc.
It really does take all kinds to make a world.
You really do catch way more flies with honey than with vinegar. (Asking nicely really does work better than complaining bitterly.)
Especially the milk bottle.