The board ate my little post. How sad.
Anyway, an advertising technique that must die! Using the scratched record sound bite to indicate shock or surprise.
Earth to marketing! What percentage of people continue to own a phonograph? And of those, how many have used it within the last decade?
Anything anywhere that has some guy getting it in the groin.
I had a Spanish-language channel on last night and saw a commercial with him saying, “¿Me escuchas? Bien.” The virus is spreading GLOBALLY!
“Hi, I’m a dried-up Hollywood has-been you haven’t seen in twenty years, and I’m going to sell you this incredible product.” I saw Lindsay Wagner on tv the other day hawking something, for christsakes.
Ever seen a commercial for baby products that included a caring, nurturing dad? I haven’t. And as a caring, nurturing dad, I rather resent this exclusion.
Movie reviews that say “The best romantic comedy since (insert name of 6 month-old romantic comedy)”. Wow…what glowing praise.
Of course, as the memory of scratched phonograph records fades into the past, there will be more incidents like this one, for our listening entertainment.
Once I read that, every time I hear the dreaded “record scratch” in a commercial, I think “Zipper”, and it does sound like one.
“The best movie released this year!”
…and it’s January 2.
HERESY! I’ve been secretly in love with Lindsay since the '70s! How DARE you! You shall be taken out in the back and unmercifully beat with an uncooked spaghetti strand. 
Anyway, moving on here…
When I was in Radio, the one phrase we were told to NEVER put in a spot was:
“For all your (insert type of business here) needs…”
As in “For all your plumbing needs, call John’s Plumbing.”
[QUOTE=Rico*“For all your (insert type of business here) needs…”*
As in “For all your plumbing needs, call John’s Plumbing.”[/QUOTE]
Why not? I admit that it’s a homely phrase, but…?
Ads the portray kids as rude, smart-mouthed, destructive brats:
It’s Calvin and Hobbes without the magic or innocence.
One that’s annoying me of late:
Situation: the female of the couple is pregnant and announces it to the male of the couple, who is less than pleased at the news
Father of the impending baby: “How did that happen???”
(Cue the canned laughter)
:smack:
Only once, on The Simpsons, when Dr. Nick Riviera (in a commercial advertising his offer to perform any operation for 129.99 USD) said, “You’ve tried the best – now try the rest!”
Somebody needs to tell the advertisers in my town. I hear that one on the radio over and over and over and over. (Aeschines, that’s probably why Rico was advised not to use it.)
Another radio advertising practice that I hate: egomaniac business owners who think I want to hear them talking on their commercials. I don’t. 99% of them sound like complete hacks in their commercials. A lot of male businessmen, in their effort to sound “cheerful” and “excited”, end up sounding effeminate instead. These business owners are often the same ones whose businesses are named after them. Good grief, people, spend a few more dollars and pay the damn trained professional radio announcer to do the talking! He or she will make your business sound more professional.
Because I listen to a lot of radio, I also start to notice when people have selected their commercial from a book of templates. I’ll start hearing the same commercial over and over again - different businesses, different products, but the same damn commercial. Perhaps voiced by a different disc jockey, but the same commercial nevertheless:
"When you need [INSERT PRODUCT OR SERVICE NAME HERE], call [INSERT BUSINESS NAME HERE]! They’ll get you fixed up in [A JIFFY/RIGHT AWAY/BEFORE YOU KNOW IT]! They not only sell [INSERT PRIMARY PRODUCT OR SERVICE HERE], they also have a large selection of [INSERT LIST OF SECONDARY PRODUCTS HERE]! [OWNER’S NAME] at [BUSINESS NAME] is eager to satisfy all of your [PRODUCT OR SERVICE TYPE] needs, and does it better than anybody else! And why drive to [INSERT NAME OF NEAREST BIG CITY] when you can find great prices right here! [BUSINESS NAME] has been in business since [INSERT YEAR OF FOUNDING], and is locally-owned!! [BUSINESS NAME] is located in the heart of beautiful downtown! Don’t wait - call [INSERT PHONE # HERE] right away! That’s [PHONE # AGAIN]. That number one more time, [PHONE # ONE MORE TIME].
If I could ban one word from advertising it would be the unqualified use of “deserve,” as in “you deserve the best this,” or “your family deserves the best that.” Nothing makes me grab the remote faster.
Why do I deserve it (just like mass murder down the block watching the same ad, I assume)? Maybe I do (and him too), but how the hell do you, Mr. Huckster, know?
For the record, I’ve got no problem with the (rare) ad that says something like, “After working double shifts for three weeks straight you deserve a night out.” That makes sense to me.
I hate, hate, hate the constant attempt to hawk parity products like headache remedies, batteries, gasoline, toothpaste, and audio cassette tape.
No battery lasts longer!
No toothpaste gets your teeth whiter!
You can’t buy a stronger headache pill without a prescription!
Nobody can beat the quality of our audio tape!
No gasoline is better for your car than Crap-tech!
Yeah, idiots, because your products are either a) mass-produced and otherwise indistinguishable, or b) regulated in strength or capped in power by some agency somewhere. All that’s left is for you to make misleading claims and sell your product’s alleged cachet by using animated tigers, stuffed pink rabbits, or talking cars.
Advertising Elements
The “Has It All” Businessman – The wealthy, composed businessman whose world appears to revolve around his family and his personal comfort. Often seen in commercials circumventing some minor obstruction to his otherwise flawless existence. Highlights include saving the day by buying duty-free products because he forgot to buy gifts for his family. Otherwise found smirking whilst he drives a car up a Swiss mountain pass.
Comedy Elements
Speeded up video – always palpably inauthentic, and the poorest and easiest form of slapstick. I may have been novel when it first emerged, but extremely derivative now.
Tape Dancing – The malignant act of taking a short piece of footage and playing it back and forth to give the impression that the subject is dancing.
Animal voices – Creepy with lip-syncing, insulting without. Usually takes the form of some stock footage of animals with a sickening comedy voice rattling away on top. The humour is basically derived from slapping human stereotypes onto animals.
Parrots – Enough said.
Baby voices – Basically the same as animal voices, except that babies generally have the gruffest, deepest voice imaginable. Overdone and not even amusing to begin with.
Cheese/Hamsters/Fish/Cows/Ducks – I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen people use these when they’re trying to be zany and offbeat. Ironically, they manage to achieve the exact opposite effect. Monty Python have a lot to answer for…
Facetiousness – I’m fed up with apparently popular style of padding out a book with facetious observations that basically represent the author.