Jupiter Jones vs. Encyclopedia Brown

Who’d win?

Bad, Bad Leroy Brown of course. He’s the baddest kid in the whole damn town.

Encyclopedia Brown can solve a mystery in ten pages. He has a girlfriend who can cold-cock bullies. He has a job. All Jupiter Jones has is a supercool hangout that beats a garage to shame, but he can’t score with chicks and he’s saddled with the human equivalent of two yapping weiner dogs. Plus it takes him 200 pages to figure out the mystery. Brown in a walk.

I have to concede the headquarters advantage to the leader of the Three Investigators-- plus Jupiter has invented a cooler business symbol (???) and has better transportation (Rolls) and Hollywood connections (Hitchcock) and lives in southern California…

My money’s on Jupiter Jones for the same reasons Askia gives. Come on! Cool secret headquarters in a junkyard vs. parents’ house. There is no contest.


Jones has a few years and easily 40 pounds or more over Brown, plus a longer reach.

Brown would probably rely on the rope-a-dope, perhaps hoping that his girl could get in a punch from outside the ring, but he can’t run forever.

Neither can Jones to be sure, but it’s a small ring, and all he needs is one good swing for Brown to fall apart faster than a Rover Boys book from the Coolidge administration.

I think it’d probably be decided in the bathing suit and talent competitions.

Sure Brown has Sally Kimball; but don’t forget Jupiter has Hans and Konrad. That’s a lot of muscle and hot eye candy. For that alone, T3I wins.

But you can’t count out The McGurk Organization.

RTA, are you implying that Jupiter may try something physical? Because I’ve never seen him do anything except pull on his bottom lip. The only way he could use that in a fistfight is if Encyclopedia sits on his face. I don’t even want to contemplate how that would happen.

And if Hans and Konrad are allowed, so is Chief Brown. Granted, he has the IQ of a tube sock, but he is the Idaville cop of cops. That beats two Bavarian guys.

Come on, people! Jupe has HITCHCOCK! Mr. Brown would find himself at the end of a knife wielded by a crazed transvestite if he ever went after Mr. Jones.

Leroy “Encyclopedia” Brown is polygot who also shares his name with one of the all-time bad men rock ballads: Bad Bad Leroy Brown.

Jupiter Jones’ biggest claim to fame is he was a child actor named “Baby Fatso.” I’ve often wondered if that was a factor in his being an orphan.

Jack McGurk has guts, and the kids in the McGurk Organization have more personality that the casts of The Three Investigators (excluding Mssr. Hitchcock) and the Encyclopedia Brown series combined. I’d like to see a Sally Kimball versus Wanda fistfight.

Clink the link. I had no idea the McGurk books were still being published in the 1990s! I have some collecting to do.

Hey! One of the contributors is Chaim Mattis Keller

Sounds like Doper cmkeller to me.

I think you just did.

… The OP is “Vs., Who’d win”, not who’s the neater or better child detective, with the cooler hideout etc. (Plus I’ve been watching a lot of boxing lately.)

Actually upon further consideration I think Jones would be quite likely to keel over from a heart attack before the third round. But if he could first land one solid, flailing punch on Brown it would be over. It’s anyone’s match to win.