Everyone knows the economy’s bad, and even more people don’t really understand what’s going on but have a vague and nebulous idea that “things are tough, or something,” which amounts to the same thing. Anyway, I work in a small office, and the head honcho decided that we’re going to cut costs in order to stay one step ahead of the game in these tough times. No problem, right?
Well, it turns out that all of the cost-cutting measures are, well, retarded and incredibly short-sighted, such as getting rid of kleenex, leaving lights off, setting the thermostat low, and so on - really the types of things that might save us pennies, or a few bucks a month.
I came back with the idea that we should first look into making legitimate cost-saving cuts that would actually have an impact, such as re-thinking or slimming our internet package, cutting down on employees expensing $20/hr. parking spots all the time, switching from bottled water delivery to a faucet-mount filter, etc. Just a few ideas off the top of my head that are more in the right direction for legitimate cost-cutting and savings before we get down to “bring in your own toilet paper!”
Well, it came back to me as this: “We’re really trying to be more practical right now with what we choose to cut. Your suggestions are too intellectual, and most people in the office don’t think that way.”
Yes it can be frustrating to have to submit to authorities when we know what they are doing is not helpful, nor will they do what is helpful. May I suggest, in dealing with the frustration and their attacks on you trusting in God and not these people in authority.
That is funny… just wait until your boss realizes that it’s the salaries he’s paying those damn intellectuals that’s costing him more money than anything.
If most people in the office thought that way, you wouldn’t have to institute cost-cutting measures because they’d already be doing the stuff you suggested, no?
And now that you’ve been shot down, wait a week and watch the boss start to implement these cost-cutting measures. What a smart boss you have, thinking of a water fountain rather than bottled water.
A few jobs ago (this was back in the early 90’s, before email), our business manager decided to get proactive about saving money. So one morning I came in and checked my mail slot to find a single, 8 1/2" x 11" sheet, at the top of which was printed the following, in regular 10 point font:
======================
MEMO
To: Staff
From: Irony McDumbass
Subject: Cost cutting
Please stop using so much copy paper. It’s only a few cents per sheet but it really adds up. Unnecessary use of copy paper will not be tolerated.
The rest of the page, all but the top 2.5-3 inches, was blank.
I immediately started cracking up- there was one in everyone’s mail slot, and we had about 45 employees. The president’s secretary heard me laughing and asked what was up. I went over to her desk and tried to explain how hilarious it was that this little note could have been printed once and tacked to the bulletin board above the mail slots, and she laughed along with me. The business manager heard us and came out of his office.
I asked him if he was serious- he was. I said “don’t you think there was a better way to get the message across to us about not using so much paper, than by printing the same message on 45 separate pieces of paper?”
As for the OP, fools and their money are soon parted; the blame for the event is soon IMPARTED … elsewhere. I concur with those advising you to shop your resume.
Next, for cost-cutting measures, you’re going to have to reduce headcount. In order to lay off the fewest number of people, you should suggest they lay off the people who are getting paid the most.
Even more effective is trusting in Captain Marvel. Being a 12-year-old boy most of the time–one who, pre-anointing, spent years homeless, impoverished, and giving handjobs to degenerate Midwesterners to earn enough money to buy dog food–he is uncommonly sympathethic to to the travails of modern life, and thus is ceaseless in his dedication to make this a better world.
Ah, I know what you’re thinking: Captain Marvel doesn’t exist. Nonsense! I have pictures of him, and his disturbingly hot sister, and what’s-his-name, with the crutches.
Exactly. Scott Adams told a similar story (paraphrased) that the first thing a person should check at a company was whether they had stopped providing fem hygiene products or some such. It was a sure fire way of telling if they were going down the tubes.
