Well, our fine sports media has done it again, turning a spectacular victory by a golfer making an incredible rebound into yet another steaming pile of BS.
First off, this “0 for 42” garbage. (Compounded by that Golf Channel numbnut who joked that he was now 1 for 43, and that’d be really bad if we’re talking batting average, hyuk hyuk hyuk, but never mind.) Something-for-something applies to situations where there’s one negative outcome. An incomplete pass, a clanked free throw, a second serve that misses the box. In golf, “failure to win” can mean anything from missing the cut from second place, which only a total moron would cliam are even remotely similar. Phil Mickelson had finished third at the Masters the past four attempts, and I think he had like seven podium finishes total, so it’s not like he was wallowing in misery all those years. In short, “0 for 42” means jack. If this is evidence of failure of some sort, boy, I’d love to have this failure.
And then of course we need to have all this tripe about how the monkey’s off and he’s finally validaded and he no longer has the stigma of best player blah blah etc. Jesus Christ with a 5-iron. Seven podium finishes! He had more than a few podiums at the other majors too, for that matter, and he has what, 20 “minor” wins total (sorry, ESPN.com doesn’t track career stats)? He’s 33 years old. I remember an interview he did a couple years ago where he stated quite firmly that he wasn’t thinking about winning the first major, because he wanted A WHOLE BUNCH of them. That’s the attitude of a champion. Aim for greatness. Don’t be satisfied with one of anything. And right after his breakthrough win, he pledged that’d he’d be there for as long as he lived. In all, I think it does an enormous disservice to his competitive spirit to point out to this one win as the great redeeming cleansing triumph that finally proved that he wasn’t a pathetic loser wannabe no-name etc.
And for good measure, there’s even the obligatory crap-o-rama about the 2nd place finisher. Yep, I learned just how bitterly disappointed, crushed, dispirited, depressed, and miserable Ernie Els was. And well he should be, seeing that he made enough spectular shots for two highlight reels and was in it right until the very last hole after starting the day completely out of contention. Oh yeah, did I mention that he finished second in a major after accomplishing, oh, NOTHING of note for nearly all of '03? Exactly how the heck is any part of what he did this Sunday DISAPPOINTING?? Does the make “Mike Weir” mean anything to these numbnuts? (To be fair, he was complicit in this. “Yeah, I feel horrible. Yeah, bitter, sad, miserable, etc. Too bad. Can I cash my second place check now?”)
Geez. Phil Mickelson’s ‘03 was seemingly nothing but an endless series of screw-ups, as well as his infamous crackhead blather about Tiger Woods’ “inferior” equipment. And he not only pulled his head completely out of his butt in '04, he recovered from some early mistakes to give us one of the most exciting Masters finsihes ever, culminating in a final shot that’s the stuff of sports legends. The story’s phenomenal on its own. Why dress it up with this schlock?