…three hours ago and I can already feel the injected nanoparticles self-assembling into the Bill Gates Tracking and Liberal Agenda Override Modules at the base of my brain. Feels pretty odd.
My question is when do I start craving soy products, supporting gun confiscation and hating America? Will I soon begin to contemplate marriage to one of my dogs or farm animals? Will I become confused about which public restroom to use?
Or is all of that triggered by the second vaccination?
I didn’t get any of that and am feeling rather cheated. Mom got her second dose last week and reports that she hasn’t developed a direct neuro connection to the electronic overmind yet. I’m her driver and haven’t noticed any signs that she is being followed…or does the micro-chip mean that she doesn’t need to be followed anymore (not that I noticed her being followed before her shots).
It doesn’t work that way. It’ll be like The Manchurian Candidate—you’ll feel perfectly normal until you hear the code word spoken by Lily in an AT&T commercial. That will “activate” you and you’ll start writing letters about carbon offsets to the editor of the local paper.
You’ve only got a 45% chance to start craving soy & hating America after the first injection. The second one should get 'er done.
Well, yes. I was assuming I’d now be bumped up the list for getting gay married or getting a free government vagina or something. No word yet. Not even a child to nibble on if I get the munchies while I’m waiting.
I got the Pfizer - both shots - and I’m perfectly fine.
Perfectly fine.
Absolutely perfectly fine.
Really.
Fine.
You need to get in range of a 5G tower so your nanoparticles can download their updated instructions.
Ah…I forgot about firmware updates.
I’m in the country so there is no 5G close. I think we’ve got 2G…
Not that it matters but the vaccine is the first treatment by Moderna approved by the FDA. Also it was created with help from NIH/ Dr. Fauci’s group.
Exactly.
Was chatting with a friend yesterday. She just got her second shot. I’m scheduled for my second shot next week, about 3 blocks from where the friend lives. Normally we’d try to get together, but not in these COVID days. She suggested we could just use the microchips to have a virtual hangout, and was very disappointed when I told her they don’t provide person-to-person communication, just surveillance!
Though, we’ve both gotten the Pfizer vaccine, not Moderna, so maybe Moderna’s chip has more features?
Ohhhhh! That’s the problem, we are going to have to go to Phoenix to get the download. That’s a long way to go, I think we should wait until I’ve gotten my second shot as well.
I’ve had 2 shots of Moderna, and now I’m Captain America.
You might have to climb the tower. Better reception up there.
You forgot them the most important part of the Bill Gates nanoparticles’ programming— an aversion to buy Apple Products!!!
Gates will finally get revenge on Steve Jobs and the iPhone and iPad will become nonexistent!!
You’ll have to pry them out of my cold dead hands.
I had my first Moderna shot yesterday. Moderna vaccine is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful vaccine I’ve ever known in my life.
You’ll know it’s working when you don’t bother to gay marry your dog before you do the nasty.
Good to hear! I’ve only gotten the first shot, and I’m still skinny Steve Rogers…
Rats, and all I got was a sore arm for a day.
By then, DNA alteration should be in full swing. At a minimum you’ll feel like such a new person that you’ll be tempted to apply for a second Straight Dope membership under a separate username.*
*Have the powers that be planned for this eventuality? There should at least be an amnesty for involuntary post-vaccination sock puppets.
Please, don’t give them ideas!