. . . The stores are pushing those eight-foot inflatable monstrosities. They’ve been around a few years, but for some reason they’ve exploded (I wish!) this year. Started at Halloween, with giant jack-o-lanterns. Now the Thanksgiving crap is out: mostly huge inflated turkeys (dressed up as pilgrims, in a last-ditch, desperate effort to avoid being killed and eaten). And the local Shop Rite and Rite Aid (can no one spell “Right” anymore?) are showing titanic, looming Santas, many of them being impersonated by Homer Simpson.
I shudder to think what’s coming for Martin Luther King, Jr’s., birthday . . .
My neighbor across the street has a business pushing these monstrosities. The giant purple spider for halloween was deflated more than it was inflated. Her yard always has something in it.
The Super Walmart in town has an inflatable football player. I think the team is Texas A&M but I really wouldn’t know. I hope I never see one of those things on somebody’s yard.
The thing about these inflatable monstrosities is that – unlike concrete ducks and plastic flamingoes and silhouette cutouts of men leaning on the porch to grab a smoke – they’re easily defeated. By defeated, I mean deflated. Wait until dark, then approach stealthily with a straight pin, and POP no more inflatable lawn ornaments.
Not that I advocate vandalism, of course. Just, you know, sharing this information so that if any tragedy befalls your neighbor’s Pilgrim Turkey, Frosty the Snowmoose or Homer Claus, you might be better able to help them understand their inflatable’s fate.
TeaElle, for some reason, your post reminds me of these spam emails I’m always getting. You know; the ones that say “I can show you how to get electricity, online porn, cable television, gasoline and telephone service for free. We’re not saying you should actually do this. It’s for information purposes only!” Yeah, your post sounds a lot like that!
There’s a giant inflatable Saints football player in our local Wal-Mart. As if shopping there wasn’t frightening enough.
There’s a pair of houses several blocks down the street who compete each year to out-kitsch their yards for Christmas. While I think their total lawn ornament counts are probably pretty comparable in number, the effect is diluted for one because their yard is twice as big. They should be going up right after Thanksgiving; I’ll be sure to collect photographic evidence to horrify all and sundry. If ever there was proof that for some people, if you took away their bad taste they wouldn’t have any at all…
Last week they actually had a segment on the local news(Nashville) where somebody in a neighboring town had their giant, pilgrim clad turkey stolen. They were offering a $10 reward. Up until then I had been naive about the existence of these things.
Last year we drove around to see Christmas lights, and came across one family that had built an entire manger scene in their yard – complete with open shed-type stable – with a whole procession of wooden cutout animals marching up to adore the baby Jesus lying in his manger, being gazed at adoringly by…
Santa Claus.
There IS justifiable homicide in Louisiana, I understand.
That house near where I work (the one with the sign that says No Admittance While Alive ) has about a half a dozen of these things, including the Homer Simpson Santa.
