keeping secrets from your wife

in the movie The Omen

how is this ever acceptable? (assuming the worst case scenario, postnatal blues, inability to conceive again etc) this creeped me out more than anything in the bleh movie.

would you keep a secret like that if you’re convinced your wife will be happier not knowing?

I’m not a guy, but I think it would depend on the circumstances. If we’re talking about something like in the movie, hell no. I believe you’d have to be pretty up front about that for various reasons, like potential problems the child might face due to heredity. If, on the other hand, the issue was an affair that was had 20 years ago, I feel that would do more damage than good and typically, is only about alleviating the guilt of the transgressing party rather than being honest with one’s spouse. Overall though, telling the truth is usually the best policy. Mileage obviously varies. :stuck_out_tongue:

Honesty is the best in just about every circumstance. One thing I have noticed in my married tenure: She knows everything, even if it doesn’t appear as such! She’ll know I’ve dipped my hands in the cookie jar upon entering the house from work, without even lookin in the damn jar!

I would rather be safe than sorry.

I’m a woman, but NO. I’m really anal about this sort of thing. I don’t believe telling the truth in every circumstance is warranted, but in a case like this, definitely.

Basically you’re fucking with two people’s lives here. Not just the mom, but the baby, and the baby needs to know.

Now on the other hand, is not telling not going to harm anyone? You had a drunken one-night stand outside of your marriage? Have you made changes in your life to make sure it won’t happen again? No STDs? No accidental pregnancies? Are you doing your best to make the marriage work? Then I don’t see any reason to tell your spouse and I agree with faithfool that in a case like that it’s more about alleviating your own guilt than helping your partner any.

When it comes to children though, I generally believe in coming out with the truth, if only so they can find out about their heritage (says the adopted child whose real father died without passing on any information).

I can’t imagine any situation where I would make a decision like this.

Honesty at all costs.

You can’t have a partnership unless both of you are working from the same set of information.

ESPECIALLY if the baby you’re using to replace the stillborn one, is the spawn of satan.

Boy, ain’t that the freaking truth.

She will know. She always knows. You think you’re so smooth and so clever but she’ll find out. Most women have a built in polygraph machine that can zero in on those lies and before you know it she’ll get the truth out of you. I’d rather be waterboarded for a week than undergo the kind of grilling I get from my wife when she discovers I made even a small fib.

There is no way in hell that I would ever hide something from my wife, especially something as major as our child. “Well, honey I have some bad news, some good news and some really bad news. The bad news is our son didn’t make it. The good news is there is an orphaned baby we can take instead. The really bad news is that he has the unusual birthmark…”

Well, it’s not like the guy was rewarded for his lies. There’s no implicit approval in the movie for his actions.

Besides, the truth will come out one way or the other in the end. It always does.

That disturbed me when I saw the original. It just seemed way too dishonest.

Sort of the way that in Rosemary’s Baby, her accepting the explanation for the scratches all over her body after she passed out were her husband getting excited and having sex with her (going along with the plan to make a baby). Granted, the actual explanation was even worse, but the fact that marital rape was accepted as sort of oogy but generally okay was odd.

It seems like a good acid test if you’re trying to find a good foster home for the Prince of Darkness. “Willing to lie to spouse about dead child? Check. I think we got one here!”

Wonder how many times they had to try this before they got a hit.

You should have wiped the crumbs off yourself. :smiley:

Well of course it’s a sci-fi movie and all that…And this is about as hypothetical as it gets. …

But here’s my 2 cents. Women get so depressed when there’s a stillbirth or miscarriage that if it were my wife, not only would I consider lying, I’d maybe kidnap a newborn and leave a “Sorry about that note in the bassinet.”

Of course after considering it I would just get really depressed and do nothing.

Let’s not forget Love Story where Jenny’s (Ali McGraw) cancer was hidden from her by both her boyfriend and her doctor. :rolleyes:

Absolutely, resoundingly no. Having been on the other side of that (I’m the wife that got cheated on during a drunken one-night-stand) it is much worse when the truth comes out, and it always has a way of coming out.

Full disclosure - this one night stand DID end up resulting in a pregnancy but was “cleaned up” before I knew about it. It was over before I ever found out. We could have lived the rest of our lives without me ever knowing and things would have been uninterrupted. I am still glad I know now. Truth never stays buried forever. You are NOT doing your best to make your marriage work if you are building on a lie.

I would still rather not know. YMMV.

I agree with you 'mika (although we seem to be in the distinct minority) that I’d rather not have to play the whole ‘weighing game.’ Or at least that’s what I call it when you have to consider the Horrible Act against other things… like the past 20 years of otherwise strict fidelity or how much the circumstances colored helped along what happened (him? me? family? money? sex, or lack thereof? religion? toe lint?), putting one, or both of us, in what we thought were untenable positions.

If the situation has been rectified all the way around, I’d still prefer not to be the scapegoat for someone else just telling all to make themselves feel better, and by extension, assisting in crumbling me in the process.

I do think that this kind of secret is very different from infidelity. Infidelity, like one drunken one night stand years ago, or even an affair, that’s not going to come up ever again…I can see hiding that. I’m not sure how I feel about that. But you can make the case that keeping the secret is okay.

In this case, you really can’t. This secret involves them both. It’s her child, too, that’s just died. You can’t not tell a mother that her child has just died. You just don’t have that right.

There are no secrets, only things that haven’t come out yet. I’d always assume the truth would come out, regardless. Then, not only did you do the bad thing, you’ve been living a lie all the time in between, which makes a double, no squared bad thing you did.

Agreed with both Zoggie and TroubleAgain.

I chose to get over it in my case. As bad as the infidelity was, I cannot image forgiving my husband for the scenario outlined in the OP.