MaryannQ, I do that too…I get jealous when I see the ‘nuclear family’.
Ah…Shitboy. Well, my parents divorced when I was 15, and I have been on a self destructive spree from then on. I was always drawn to the bad boys, the badder the better. Shitboy had just gotten out of a federal penetentiary when we met. He was so grim, so bad, I get shivers just thinking about it! When we ‘clicked’ I swore it was just going to be for sex…I had been alone/celibate for a year and a half(since the flaming disaster of my first marriage)and I was ready for some male type attention. We were like wild animals right from the first. ^ months later, I broke it off. I was going back to school, and he was running with his old criminal friends, so we split. A year later, he was much more settled, I was too. We hooked up again, and things were really great, for a few years.Then he lost his job and spiraled into a pit of lies and irresponsibility that I just couldnt live with.Until that happened, I really though I would spend the rest of my life with him.I though he was my ‘soulmate’.His behavior as of late has shown me how very far off the mark I was on that!
Now the first hubby was not an ex-con, he was pretty straight, but he was older, and I was going through some stuff at home (I was 20,living at home and my mom caught my stepdad necking with some slut at a party) and I wanted OUT OF THAT HOUSE!! I hate conflicts (probably from hearing my parents fight when I was little) anyway, the older guy was there, he said all the right things, he was soooooo attentive, and he at 30 knew more about manipulation that I did at 20…so when he asked me to marry him,and I hesitated, he said: " If you love me enough to live with me, you love me enough to MARRY me" I could find no logic around that, and I wanted the home/ family thing, so we wed. Instantly afterward, he changed from attentive to possessive, caring to psycho. It was a nightmare.(Yeah, yeah, I know, there must have been signs before, but I was a dumb kid…I missed them!)
I like to think all these mistakes are behind me now. I have been single and living alone now for almost 2 years, the longest I have ever lived alone. The job I have now is the best I have ever had, and I feel better about myself as a person than I ever have.
I dont feel like I need anyone to complete me anymore…maybe I am cured.