A Field Guide to Bad Boyfriends

I could write a book on dysfunctional relationships- I’ve sampled all varieties. I’ve dated alcoholics and anti-socials, schizophrenics, addicts and sociopaths. I’ve dated arrogant academics and closet homosexuals, artists and musicians.

The advantage of early promiscuity is that a girl gains a good amount of experience with men before she’s too old to put it to use. These days, I see a cheater from a mile away. That smile, the mischievous sparkle, that predatory eye contact- I’ve seen it before. Yes, you are charming, but a little too charming. Coffee? No thanks.

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to write this stuff down for her. Some of it is fairly obvious, but it doesn’t hurt to repeat it: Never be the other woman. Never be the secret woman. Be wary of guys with psycho ex-girlfriends stories. Don’t date older men who date only younger women. Under no circumstance should your relationship cause crying. Drugs are bad. Pay attention to the way a man treats waitresses and servers. Pet ownership is indicative of empathy. While it is perfectly acceptable for a man to enjoy a little prostate stimulation, be wary of a fellow who flips over and spreads his legs.

…uh, I will have to find a more tactful way to explain that last one.

What rules and guidelines will you give to your daughter?

Rule #1. Read **zaipiaz’**s book. (Hypothetical. I don’t have a daughter)

Why should you be wary of guys with psycho ex-girlfriends?

Probably for the same reason I avoid anyone who “hates drama”.

One psycho ex may be regarded as a misfortune, more than one indicates the guy may just be attracted to crazy.

Um… most of those rules make sense.

I’m afraid I’ve led a bit of a sheltered life, though, on that prostate one. Could you explain why the flipping is so bad? I mean, if he makes you buy the latex gloves, yeah, that I can see…

Did you miss the line about closeted homosexuals? I think that might have been her clue. …

With all due respect and manly admiration: Not to do as you have done, i.e. not “enjoy early promiscuity.”

Not to be prudish - it is your absolute right and I would be the last to want to deprive you of it. Healthy adult sex between consenting partners is one of life’s most precious joys. I don’t judge you for it or think less of you. We all make our choices.

Men have the luxury of being able to do this historically without being accused of anything except “being a ladies’ man” (wink, wink.) Doesn’t make it any less dumb, given the risks it can involve to health and accompanying unsavory experiences.

But, in the case of either sex, I want simply to say that I think it is a very expensive and potentially risky way to learn lessons that are fairly obvious to anyone that has done some reading or has listened to others who have experience worth sharing.

You took the gambles, learned your lessons and now are sharing them. That’s great. I hope that what you have to say, helps some other young women (and even men) avoid risky behavior as they find their path in life.

For my part, I will teach my granddaughers that first they need to get to know themselves and then, when they are ready, they can look for that young man that seems to be the one with whom they want to have children and start a family. If they want to “sample the goods” before buying, I can understand. Go ahead - once or twice or even three times if that’s what it takes to help you find just the right man for you. Just don’t become a “professional taste tester.” (Pun intended.)

Be it for men or for women, it seems to me that one of the most precious assets we carry through life is our self-respect. If you can live your life and honestly keep yours, then more power to you. Just be sure you are not kidding yourself, because that is one thing that is very easy for us do do, especially when we are young and “know everything.” (Now I’m older and know that I actually know almost nothing: so draw your own conclusions about my comments here.)

I think that’s her point. That is, she’d write the book so her daughter would learn all this without the “early promiscuity” part.

Because he maybe the common denominator, who ruins relationships but complains about how his past GFs were the crazy ones, or just didn’t “get him”.

Seriously, what she said. Anyone who has a string of absurdly fucked up dysfunctional relationships is straight up cray, yo.

All ex-girlfriends are psycho… it’s axiomatic!

If a guy constantly complains about his exes, run. They don’t have to be crazy, but it’s a good sign he’s either into dysfunctional relationships or just doesn’t know how to learn from them.
Just imagine what he’ll say about YOU after it’s over :wink: If it makes you cringe, run far away.

What about women who have had abusive/controlling exes? Are they bad girlfriends?

Honestly I’d give the same advice to my boys, too. I feel worse for the guys, actually, 'cause they’re a little more likely to fall for the sexxors, and everything else be damned, than a girl is likely to.

If my <non-existent> baby girl comes home pregnant, we can do something about it, whatever it is. If my baby boy comes home having knocked someone up, it’s just…more of a mess, to me, somehow.

Ah, so he’s either crazy or stupid. Yup, run.

If you wouldn’t want him for a friend, you don’t want him for a boyfriend. I’ll say the same to any hypothetical future sons, too.

I’ve seen plenty of people choose partners who behave in ways they would never, ever accept from friends. It does not end well. You pick friends who are good to you, make you laugh, stand by you. You pick friends who you like and trust and consider to be sound human beings. You pick friends who bring out your best sides, not your worst. You pick friends who make your life a better place. Why the hell wouldn’t you expect the same from a partner?

I have to agree with this to a great extent. Although many men do not lean towards introspection and self-criticism, I would think that a mature man would also have something to say about the things he’s learned about himself along the way and would admit to his share of mistakes on the relationship highway.

Fact.

Lesson I have learned: If a woman tells you her ex said she was bat-shit crazy, and later tells you about her grandmother’s psychological problems, and her mothers psychologically abusive behavor…LISTEN TO HER.

Got it. “avoid him if he complains about crazy ex-girlfriends” is advice from the OP’s …complaints about crazy ex-boyfriends.

And what? Go ahead and play with his ass, unless he actually likes it enough to ask for it: then he’s gay. And by that reasoning, don’t ask him to go down on you or give him any pointers when he does, since that’s what lesbians do.

Hey, I had a daughter too, but I only warned her about guys, not embittered her about them. And I was pretty wild when I was young, and got burned too. But my survival skills improved when I started taking my own inventory, not the other half of the human races’s.