My friend has a set of dating/life rules that are lessons learned from relationships. Among them are things like:
Boyfriends are not horses, look them in the mouth
If they live with their mom there’s probably a reason
Never date a man who hates sauerkraut
I thought about it and came up with some lessons I have learned:
Wendy: Never date your best friend’s ex
Valerie: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself
Laura: Make sure everyone involved in a relationship has the same ideas about the relationship
Never think you can make the other person better, AKA you think her problems are associated with her family, but you then realize that no, she’s the root of all her problems all by herself.
If you finally break up with someone for “X” dealbreaking issue and they respond with tearful promises to resolve “X” dealbreaking issue, tell them you hope that works out for them and BREAK UP WITH THEM.
ex #1. If he is a mama’s boy at 19 chances are he will still be a mama’s boy at 29, 39, etc.
ex #2. The first time you are in his apartment check the medicine cabinet for any prescription he is on; since he won’t tell you about the illness or condition from which he (and later you) will suffer.
Never move in with a guy unless it is a concrete step towards a serious commitment you both desire. Moving in makes it really easy to prolong a relationship past it’s shelf life simply because breaking up would be such a hassle. If you aren’t headed to a goal, and are just doing it for cheaper rent, you are risking making sacrifices for no real reason.
Don’t cheat. It’s super exciting and all that, but you are going to end up paying for any pleasure with a triple dose of pain, and hurting people to boot. It’s not worth it. You will always, always, always lose no matter what side you are on.
Sometimes, when things are just right, two people really can save each other, and fix each other’s broken parts. The downside is that once you are fixed, you by definition have to move on.
If he seems shady, he’s shady. Also, don’t date major drunks. You know that, right?
If you have to date an emotionally unavailable guy, date one that isn’t too good looking. When you guys are together, he’ll still be compelling, but when he is playing his “aloof and distant” games, you’ll lose that attraction and be able to handle things with a clear head.
If he’s 33 and has never had a serious girlfriend, there’s probably a reason. Don’t marry him.
If he slept with more prostitutes than willing women… See above.
If he says he’s an asshole and you don’t really want to be with him, he’s not really a great guy deep down inside who is just trying to push you away so he doesn’t get hurt. He really is an asshole. See above.
A man who does not value friendship does not value relationship.
Pay attention to how he treats his mom.
Ask yourself if you want your son to grow up to be his dad. If not, leave him.
This doesn’t make any sense. You’re supposed to look a horse in the mouth if you’re buying it - it’s only gift horses that you don’t look in the mouth. 'Cause, you know, they’re gifts. This would only be an apt analogy if you got a boyfriend as a gift, in which case you shouldn’t look him in the mouth either.
Never, ever, allow your booty call to become your roommate.
If someone expresses the idea that they think you are too good for them and they don’t deserve you… they are probably right. You want to be with someone who values him or herself; otherwise, how will they ever be able to value you?
If you don’t clearly ask for your needs to be met and specify which ones exactly and how, you don’t get to be pissed off when they aren’t met.
Never make excuses to justify someone’s bad behavior or poor treatment of you. The excuses won’t change how hurtful the behavior is. Move on and find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.
Same is true if he says he can be an asshole sometimes, and he says it more than once. He’s building up steam to be an asshole to you.
They will always lie about their relationship dealbreakers, even if (especially if?) I’ve already made it clear I’m incompatible with said dealbreakers. A month or two later, they’ll be genuinely surprised that they’re not getting what they want, and will finally get around to telling me that they want something entirely different. :rolleyes:
-World of Warcraft is a drug. Friends don’t let friends etc
-If you started out as “the other woman”, you might be on the other side of that situation soon enough.
-If someone talks about hating commitment in every other part of their life, they might not be willing to make a commitment in a relationship.
-Don’t always assume someone isn’t interested in you.
-When it doesn’t work out with your “soulmate” there’s really someone else amazing just around the corner.
-The wee hours of the night is a time when people really open up (this one helped a lot in my current relationship!)
