bangs head rhythmically on her desk
Damn Bengangmo, are you being deliberately obtuse? Is there something in the language I used that you didn’t understand?
I give up. Apparently, no matter what way this was done, it was wrong. Either I SHOULD have put him against the wall and done something or I shouldn’t have and just ignored what we found. Do you think you could make up your mind?
Is your BF’s cousin R. Kelly?
Sorry lor…I don’t mean to come off as obtuse.
What I mean to say is that if you really think that he was regularly masturbating to 6 year olds being raped, you should be questioning him far closer than a casual ask over a video game. Regardless of how old he was, or when it happened. Enjoying this sort of material doesn’t have much to do with exploring sexuality or ignorance.
However, at the same time I am telling you that I don’t think one page of thumbnails amongst a whole of folder of porn, that was printed at a time that EVERYONE, the cousin included, is telling you the reflexive action for any porn was to print is NOT evidence that he has the slightest interest in kiddy rape or was masturbating over it. And until and unless you have something more concrete to present as evidence you should avoid the phrasing 'BUT HE WAS MASTURBATING OVER IT" which is inflammatory, and also has a negative impact on your own perceptions. You say it often enough and you will come to believe it.
You kinda seem to be sitting in two camps at the same time - you need to either pursue it more seriously as you think there’s a real chance he’s into kiddy porn, or you never should have bought it up at all. I don’t think you should have bought it up at all, but if your perceptions are really and truely that he is into this, you should do a lot more.
Like I said earlier, personal insults aren’t allowed in this forum. This is a formal warning not to do this again, and everybody else is advised to continue the conversation without namecalling.
Well, I met the poor bastard in rehab almost 20 years ago, so I’m afraid that cat was out of the bag from the get-go… 
If my husband had done heroin 20 years ago but was not doing it today (nor was there ANY indication that he had done it in the intervening years), I would say that it’s none of my damned business. I live in today, as does he- it is our behavior today, right now, that matters.
And just for the record, I am a great catch. 
Most of “us” are, if we’re sober- we work hard, enjoy life to the fullest, laugh a lot, love a lot and try to be grateful every day for everything we have. But we also try to limit bullshit drama by reminding ourselves that other people’s past is usually none of our business- it’s the kind of behavior we try to avoid- searching for drama, indignation, or whatever.
Bottom line- if I was in your shoes, based solely on the OP, I would have gone “Oh, fucking gross” and thrown the lot away. End of episode. Not another word about it. 14 year old porn (any porn)? Meh.
Exactly the point most of us were trying to make. Something like this is very comparable to drug use. If it happened that long ago, and I have no knowledge or even the slightest indication of its current use, it’s none of my business. Period.
Exactly what the OP should have done, IMO.
AquaPura, I’m glad to hear that things apparently turned out OK. To be perfectly honest, when I read all of your posts together, I find the story kind of baffling, and wonder if we’ve really gotten an accurate account of what happened here. But we obviously have no source of information other than you, and if you’re satisfied, I guess that’s the best we can do.
Perhaps the reason she thinks they were masturbation fodder is because they were in the rest of his porn?
You are projecting your own adult woman mindset onto a 14 year old male.
I highly doubt any such thought process went on for him at the time.
Young teenage males discovering internet porn are pretty amazed at first, and it sounds like he just saved everything. It would not be odd for him to save pictures he barely looked at, never masturbated to, and had no plan to look at again. On the contrary, he likely downloaded everything as though any second he would no longer be able to access the stuff.
You are making a huge assumption that in all his furious downloading he took a specific liking to this one thumbnail, masturbated to it, and decided to save it for later masturbation. If that were true, I would be worried about the guy myself. Luckily your assumption is probably false.
If I wanted to jerk off to my collection of coprophilic goru, I’d print out full-sized images, not a sheet of thumbnails.
Actually, I’d just keep the images on my computer, instead of printing them out for anyone to find. But I guess young teenagers are too stupid to think about that.
People. For the love of pete, will you stop harping on the point for some reason you don’t think he was beating off to them?
I originally assumed he was beating off to them. This is what I do with MY porn afterall, it is it’s intended purpose. This was not a large leap of logic. They were in a folder of other porn. It was not in a folder of 600 pages, it held perhaps, 20 pages of pictures.
I now know he used that folder, and the contents it had in it, to mastrubate to. How do we know this? Because we asked.
Do you need a play by play to be satisfied that we said/did the right thing?
The conversation went something like this, “Hey dude, when we were cleaning your room we came upon a folder we hold out folder was this like, one of your wank folders?”
“Oh yeah man, I’m glad you were the ones that found that instead of Auntie *******”
“Weeeelllllll, we were paging through it so we could properly tease you about it and one of the papers had some younger people on it…”
“Oh man guys, I am sorry about that. The folders are old, like when I was 13 or 14, before I got my own comptuter, I found some of them when I was moving my stuff, I know in those days I just printed off and beat it to just about anything naked. I didn’t really get that those were kids being abused, which sounds like a lame stupid excuse when you have pictures of that…”
“So you beat it to… kiddy porn…? Dude, ew.”
"Yeah, I have to say I did, didn’t really think about it like that, they seems like people like me having sex, that is what I wanted.
Blah blah blah…
“Thanks for asking me though, I know a lot of people would just flip out, or look at me skeevy for the rest of my life…”…
Blah blah blah blah…
That is about how it went. Solid enough for you?
Get it now?
Always got it. It went exactly as we predicted.
Er no…
Most of the predictions were of the doom and gloom variety, such as how he is now going to hate us forever and ever and ever and he wishes to use merely his eyeballs to set us aflame, and how we were going to lambaste him and strip him of his dignity with the entire family because of a youthful indiscretion.
Weren’t you trying to convince people that you weren’t being exaggerative and histrionic?
We predicted his response pretty well. As noted, any issues that may affect your relationship will probably not be noticed right away. Give it a few months, then give us an update - that will certainly be more telling than a few days after the fact.
So, according to your account, the conversation went from you asking about some “younger people” to him immediately apologizing for the one page of child porn and offering up an excuse as to why it was there in basically the same breath?
One of two things is happening here:
Or you missed this:
This was also my immediate reaction - there seems to be a lot of the conversation left out, or maybe the OP is paraphrasing, reading more into the talk than was really there or her perceptions have run away with her. Maybe she is also just simplifying for our benefit and the conversation mentioned is an accurate paraphrasing.
I would be willing to give the benefit of the doubt at the moment, well, because we are only ever going to hear the OPs side of the story. I don’t expect her to come here and tell us all how we were right and how horribly it went. The cousin is never going to have the chance to post his version. Also at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter anymore - I have given my opinion and reactions, as have many others. None were really listened to. At this point it is just a pointless debate on a message board that is going nowhere.
Yes, it was paraphrasing. Large bits of it are missing, particularliy those that had nothing to do with the OP. Did ya think I took notes or something?
Welcome to sarcasm atomic, I see it’s going fabulous for you.
Gee thanks ben, I am glad you can give me the benefit of the doubt. Isn’t that just… keen… The grace with which you give your largess of kindness is truly immense. I am so grateful you think it is at least a remote possibility that I just may be telling the truth.
Yeah well forgive me if my life experience says that things very rarely go so perfectly when they are so emotionally explosive. And if nothing else your account of things is a text-book example of how things would / should have gone given your account of everything - and if there’s one thing I distrust its textbook examples.
As noted though I have no particular reason beyond my own experience to distrust your veracity. So you do deserve to be trusted - and I **am **pleased it turned out well for you.
AquaPura, kudos to you for doing the right thing despite the negative posts here. I think that comes from many of these people having been 14 year old boys who just would not ever never tell on each other unless somebody were dying and maybe not even then unless it’s clear that nobody will get in trouble because you just don’t snitch on anybody ever unless you hate them and even then beating them up would probably be the more manly thing. After all, it was just some pictures, he didn’t have anything to do with them - it was just there already and he just printed it out because you know then he could show off to his friends and it’s just there with lots of cool stuff.
BUT, the children in the photos were real. Somebody raped them and uploaded the images of that for profit and/or pleasure. You had to not only see that, but see it from somebody you know well. If that had happened to me I would not just be wondering how to confront the person, but also torturing myself over whether I should try to anonymously send it to the police in the minute hope that there could be clues in the pictures to catch the perpetrators. I’m sure that in the end I would also destroy them, knowing how old they were and the potential for damage. But I would be bothered by those images for a long time and know that I would need to be SURE it was a one-off.
I’m very glad that everything went so smoothly, and think you acted with integrity in this very unsavoury situation.