You may as well have made the thread title “I have found Kiddy Porn and I intend to do this…” You have taken heed of no post other than the ones which supported your position. I don’t care if you go on a crusade, but don’t cloak it under you doing what is good and right and the only course of action.
You “fail to see how any of what transpired was dramatic?” Wow, did you just join this thread? 
You’ve been posting like the biggest drama queen on the board- self-righteous, overly dramatic, nosy… You are quite a catch.
I kind of curious if the OP could have responded to this thread in any way that would have pleased the posters who were unhappy with her. Even if she had said, “I took your advice and we didn’t confront him. I’m sure that the folder was just a gross out folder stained with yogurt and never used for masturbatory purposes,” there would probably be people who thought she just said that to shut everyone up.
For those who were more vocally against the OP, what response would have satisfied you?
How about throwing it out and saying nothing?
I realize this is a tense subject, but no more personal insults from anybody, please.
AquaPura, I find your actions completely reasonable and sensical.
There was no “grilling”, no accusations were thrown, no evil assumptions made.
You just wanted to clear the air on a disturbing topic and it sounds like it went well for all those involved.
You, your boyfriend, and his cousin sound like you have open lines of communication and all have your heads on straight.
I’m not sure what retarded angle some of these posters are coming at you from.
I am stunned by the number of people who are so violently opposed to the OP’s wish to ask a simple question. Asking questions is a good way to find out things. (Quoting Big Bird here.)
Open communication is the basis of healthy relationships, and has clearly worked well for her and her boyfriend and family. The Cousin is obviously NOT upset with them. In fact, this appears to have strengthened their relationship.
I, for one, would greatly wish that anyone who had found somehting like this and connected it to me would talk to me about it.
Well, for one at least thinking about it and discussing for a bit longer. What was the rush to “do something” NOW ?
IMO it wasnt about catching a pedophile. It wasnt about saving the cousin. It was about the OP feeling better about herself and the bo feeling better about himself by doing “something”, even though that something didnt accomplish a damn thing besides making themselves feel better about themselves. Not only that, in all probability, according to most responders, it didnt even have a CHANCE of doing anything productive besides a feel good about yourself action that had a damn good chance of backfiring big time.
It was the situational equivalent of buying a one dollar lottery ticket that if you won, you won a dollar of perhaps a bit more, but if you lost it would cost you even hundreds more.
It was a statistical suckers bet for sure IMO and the opinion of most other posters.
I’ll be honest, I also don’t understand people who are saying that it’s normal (or at least, not untoward) for adolescent males to have printouts of child pornography (toddlers being raped style) amongst their masturbatory materials. If I found that in my own kid’s things I’d confront him on it and have him see a therapist.
Ughh, no its not if you don’t even remotely consider answers different from your initial inclination.
The QUESTION wasn’t the problem here. Nobody here even brought up those old chestnuts about whether child porn is even bad or that whether third party viewing after the fact contributes to the problem or not. Heck, even NAMBLA didnt get any air time on this one. Everyone assumed it was bad, very bad and even THEN though the OP’s reaction was very ill advised.
Isn’t that because your assumption is that having child pornography in one’s possession during adolescence is not untoward or downright normal? I seriously question that assumption.
People with ACTUAL experience with teens, computers, printers, porn, the internet, internet connections, (and packrats) during the 90’s have already EXPLAINED all that. Please go back and read through the thread. To repeat for the umptempth time, if that was evidence against the cousin (without any “signs” in the present), you better be worrying about a good fraction, if not the majority, of mid to late 20’s males today.
I’m as offended by kiddie p()rn as the next guy. Kid touchers are disgusting and should be hunted down like rabid dogs.
But I echo what someone wrote unthread. Ten years ago, you’d get crazy hard core p()rn as pop-ups all the frick’n time. I’m taking water sports, animals etc. So one solitary page of thumbnails from a 14 year old from ten years ago just doesn’t get my boxers in a bunch. And it was clear - to me - that the OP was a drama queen of the first order. She relished being “horrified” and fighting off a “panic attack.” She presented this thread under the guise of “wondering what to do about it” while at the same time planning out THE CONFRONTATION, salivating that “both my boyfriend and I are excellent at seeing if someone is lying or omitting something.”
I just felt that she was more about the drama and less about any discussion about what the real way ahead should be. Seemed disingenuous. Still does.
This is just going round and round, and the message does not seem to be sinking in, but one last time
“If it wasn’t to masturbate to, what WAS it for? Hell, that is what I do with MY porn. This WHOLE time I’ve been thinking that you masturbate to porn. I mean, I guess I could be using it to line my budgie cage, but I thought masturbating to my porn instead of my yarn catalogue was not as weird. To each his own I guess.”
Have you NEVER looked for something just to see if you can find it? Have you never ever just been curious to see what “X” is, looks like, find out more about the subject? Because I sure as hell know that I have, for subjects ranging from porn (never kiddy porn, although I will admit that I have looked for rape before, not because I am interested, but to see if someone is stupid enough to post it online), to the Jewish interpretation of the birth of christ, to any one of 1000s of other subjects - that is the nature of the interwebs, people can look up information just because it is there. If I look up circumcision rituals for females does that mean that I want to mutilate my daughter, or that I am some sort of misogynist who gets off on degrading women?
You don’t know that he ever jerked off to the kiddy porn, and as already mentioned - who jerks off to thumbnails?
The way that you spoke in this thread made me, and quite obviously a lot of others feel as though you had already convicted him. If that impression had been lessoned, but you still wanted to check with the cousin (as opposed to “confront”) I would have been a lot more supportive. eg: by check I mean - eeww I saw kiddy porn in you folder - where the hell did you ever get that from, you don’t have any more do you? Rather than your stated “do you have a problem that you need help with?”
I really hope that you can understand and grasp that the thoughts that we keep in our minds, and the way that we state things, have a very real impact on our beliefs and the way that we perceive further input. If you keep holding in your mind the thought “he wanked over this kiddy porn”, and more importantly keep SAYING it again and again, then you are more likely to believe it. Why do you think so many self help books talk about positive affirmations? It seems that every time you came back to this thread you were giving yourself a positive affirmation that your bf’s cousin was a kiddy fucker.
As I said earlier, I am pleased it went well for you - and it has put your mind at ease. On the balance of probablities I think you lucked out in terms of the reaction - but at the end of the day you also do know the cousin better than any of us so are in the best position to judge 
By your posts in this thread, it is clear to me that you lack comprehension of even the smallest of points.
Were these pop-ups off a computer? Were these “woah I just took a wrong turn on the intarwebs.”?
No.
They were PRINTED OUT AND SAVED. He printed them out to HAVE to KEEP to LOOK AT AGAIN.
Do I have a problem with that if he wasn’t sure what he was looking at when he was young? NO. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HIS MASTURBATORY PROCLIVITIES WHEN HE WAS YOUNG.
For the last TIME people. THEY WERE IN A FOLDER WITH OTHER PORN. They were TO masturbate TO! This is not an unforeseeable scenario, nor was it unlikely. These pictures were not stuck in a file of other weird shock pictures. They were in a folder with OTHER porn.
I assumed he wanked to them. Perhaps I am more intuitive than some other posters here, but I didn’t think it was THAT far of a leap of logic. It turns out I was right. He did wank to them. He was fourteen. He pretty much thought that everyone in porn was an actor or actress. He didn’t even think that these might be of real people.
I did not relish seeing these pictures. I did not relish wondering how the hell to bring this up without making it sound accusatory which was the question I was asking when I asked, “What do we do now?”, I certainly didn’t relish being visualizing a little girls red screaming face as she was being penetrated by an adults penis. If that makes me a drama queen, fine. But it makes you a nasty piece of work for you to state that I was “salivating” over how the hell to bring up possession of these pictures to a loved one.
I guess I will ask the same question Miss Mossie did. What the hell could I have done to make you people happy? Should I just have forgotten about it and pretended it never happened? Should I have let it sit there like an open wound destroying the relationship we all have? Should have I lived in fear that he very well might have been a pedo and I didn’t have the balls to ask because I was afraid it might make him and us uncomfortable?
Ej’s Girl. You seem to think I am quite a “catch” because I am apparently nosy (though we were asked to go through his stuff), overly dramatic (cause viewing kiddy porn made me ill), and self-righteous because I feel that kiddy porn is bad and asking someone why they had it is the right thing to do. Do you not talk to your family about potentially life damaging events? Did you keep it a secret that you used to be an addict from your husband? Or did you talk about it like adults do so your husband could decide if you had a further problem and then decide to co-habitate or not? Big scary questions eh? But you know, when you love someone, and they love you you need to address these things to see if they will effect all your lives. Maybe your husband is a bigger man than my boyfriend, or perhaps a bigger man than me, I would probally take a self-riteous, overly dramatic drama queen, but I don’t know if I would have thought a former addict was a “good catch.”
Though, deciding if someone is a good or bad catch based soley on one thread and then nattering about it when it is so far beyond the issue is perhaps a bit jerkish, no?
Hmmm…I read your post “confrontation” post and didn’t see where he said he masturbated to these pictures AND SAVED THEM. You seem to be projecting here. Yes they were in a folder of porn - but where else would you suggest he put them? In a folder marked “medical mysteries” or perhaps"people I don’t like"?
No matter what he said in the confrontation you are still pegging him as a kiddie fucker. You are still perpetuating it here, and still arguing that you are right.
Good luck for your future relationship with this guy. It IS going to go downhill, because you can put a 14 year olds stupidity behind you.
People like you just contribute to the sexual hysteria and every touch must be sex abuse meme.
Go and do a search for recovered memory scandals to try and get an idea of what damage an attitude like yours causes.
Get over yourself already, you are now being a grade a Junior Detective Drama Queen Bitch
You KNOW he saved them. The pictures are old! If they were new, we would have a bigger problem wouldn’t we?
How the hell am I pegging him as a kiddy fucker? I posted that he told us that they were old, and we believe him. Where do you get that I am perpetrating the notion that he is diddling kids behind our backs?
Is there some reason that you are feeling so defensive here? Is there a problem with your reading?
Is my belief that this man doesn’t have a current problem with kiddy porn not enough? Do I need to rent a plane towing a banner that says, HE’S NOT A PEDO?
Your words exactly here
They were **PRINTED OUT AND SAVED. He printed them out to HAVE to KEEP to LOOK AT AGAIN. **
Do I have a problem with that if he wasn’t sure what he was looking at when he was young? NO. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HIS MASTURBATORY PROCLIVITIES WHEN HE WAS YOUNG.
For the last TIME people. THEY WERE IN A FOLDER WITH OTHER PORN. They were TO masturbate TO! This is not an unforeseeable scenario, nor was it unlikely. These pictures were not stuck in a file of other weird shock pictures. They were in a folder with OTHER porn.
You keep repeating and repeating it, that he saved them to keep looking at, that he masturbated to them.
Yeah it upsets me, because I quite strongly believe that if this stuff really is / was attractive to him then he DOES have a problem. But on page of small pix amongst a whole collection of porn, does not constitute a problem, nor jerk off fodder. Nor even indicate that he liked it.
Just because they were with other porn doesn’t mean he wants to jerk off over them. At home I have Danielle Steele books on the shelf beside Stephen King - does this mean I secretly love incest or am a big fan of Danielle Steele - I certainly hope not!
To be fair though - I may be parsing “save” differently to you, I read it to mean that in addition to printing it out, he kept a copy on his computer. To me “save” implies a bit more than stuffing them into a folder with other stuff - it includes some intention and ability to retrieve and relook and reproduce (which is not the case here - hell, you had to run across the file, he didn’t even know where it was, showing how much he cared about it)
Yes. That is it exactly. He saved them to keep looking at and to masturbate to them.
This is what I assumed, this is what my boyfriend assumed, and we didn’t think it was that wild of an assumption. They were in a folder with other porn.
Turns out, yes, he saved them to wank to them. That is what they were for. When he was 14 he pretty much downloaded and printed everything he could get his hands on.
The folder was full of porn. I couldn’t tell you his favorites, I don’t even know if the kiddy porn made his top five. I doubt it though. There was a lot more of “Red Head” porn than the kiddy stuff after all.
He kept the folder, he used it for it’s intended purpose. He said he laid his paper files aside when he got his own computer and pretty much forgot about them.
[quote=“AquaPura, post:179, topic:492733”]
Turns out, yes, he saved them to wank to them. That is what they were for.
When he was 14 he pretty much downloaded and printed everything he could get his hands on.
/QUOTE]
these two goals aren’t exactly compatable you know. Either you print out every piece of porn you can get your hands on or you seek out what attracts (and you don’t wank to what you don’t like) you - not really both.
If you seriously believe that he was wanking to this stuff on a regular basis, or even at all you need to take more action. Or are you just be an offended drama queen. Pedophilia is not really something that you grow out of is it? (although stupidity and poor risk assesment is)
Just out of curiosity, do you / have you personally surfed for porn? Have you masturbated to porn you have found on line? Does / has your boyfriend? What sort of format does this porn take? Have either of you jerked off to thumbnails?
Its been said before and I’m going to say it again - if this is something he was really attracted to, it wouldn’t just be one page of thumbnails that you found. If its not something he’s attracted to, you have no right to be slinging around phrases of “HE JERKED OFF TO KIDDY RAPE” the way that you have been as though they are incontrovertible fact. Even here on a message board.
And you have no right to continue using language that pegs him as a pedophile - which despite your protestations you have been doing - repeatedly.
Did he explicitly tell you that he got off on the kiddy rape? Did he even mention it at all? The majority of posters here have told you that just one page like this has NO significance, but you keep insisting on the moral outrage “BUT HE JERKED OFF TO THIS” he MUST be confronted and Aqua’s super duper all powerful skills of percpetion must be employed to confirm that he is no longer a pedo. With your wonderous powers of perception and character assesment, not to mention incredible powers of analysis you need to get a job with the FBI - I am sure you could clear up all sorts of crime in double quick time.