Kiddy porn in the closet. What NOT to find spring cleaning.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I would be equally as horrified if this was a fourteen year old girl with this, this wasn’t just nude pictures of people his own age at the time. If it was that, I think I would have been mildly disturbed, checked the dates on the pictures, did the math and concluded that it isn’t unreasonable to be attracted to people in your own age group.

These weren’t in his own age group. At least not most of them. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say the ages ranged from toddler to 8 years old. The pictures included digital, genital and oral penetration between children and adults as well as even less savory activities.

The only evidence that we kept was the folder that the papers were in that is labeled “Secret”. We DO plan on confronting him about it, but we aren’t going to haul him up and beat him with rubber hoses about it. It was, like others have said, a single sheet in a roomful of paper. The only other porn we found was of adults. We don’t plan on going to the authorities, though we would have if it didn’t look like an isolated thing. We went through EVERYTHING that he had left behind, and it was a considerable amount. My boyfriend has also helped his cousin recover data from a crashed hard drive, twice. While he did see porn, there wasn’t anything close to this.

He is married to a girl he went to high school with, never dated anyone significantly younger, nor anyone with kids. Nor has he ever had a job or activity that placed him with kids regularly.

I guess the more I look at it, the more I am inclined to believe it was an isolated incident. As I think about it, I do see a theme to the porn in that folder, it was all “taboo” to some degree. The barely legal stuff, interracial, watersports, bondage and then the bad stuff. Remember I was laughing until I got to the kids. I thought it would be something funny to tease him about.

I have seen some truly horrible stuff before and nothing, Nothing has effected me like this. I was on an ambulance crew that responded to an explosion at a steam plant and witnessed humans reduced to gobbets of flesh flung about an 11x14 room. This holds nothing to that.

I know I sound dramatic here, but I didn’t sleep at all last night, my thoughts get dragged back to those pictures. I never thought I could be shaken this much by something like this.

22

That does, indeed, sound horrible. I’m sorry you saw that, and I’m sure it must haunt you. I saw some images from the collection of Bob Berdella of him torturing people to death. If Lacuna, Inc were a real company, I’d life to hire them to erase these images from my brain.

Then what it sounds like is stuff he had for it’s “freak show” value. Teenage boys often collect the most vile, disgusting images they can find to gross out their friends. (Scat porn, Goat.se, etc) Unless he was an exceptional teenage boy, I doubt that the moral issues of looking at images of children being exploited ever entered his mind.

I doubt that he remembers the images, and it sure doesn’t sound like he is a pedophile in any way.

I’m sorry you saw this. Your revulsion and horror at seeing these images are exactly what a normal, healthy human being would feel. But I honestly can’t say that I can imagine what good confronting him about this would accomplish. As I said, I doubt he remembers this specific sheet of paper, that it was just in a bundle of “extreme” stuff used to gross out his friends as a teen. If you still had it, you’d have child porn in your possession. But without it, it’s going to sound like a wild accusation. I can’t really see an upside to this or a way out of the nightmares, sorry.

23

Oh. I ummm, uh, . . . yikes. Post #20? Ignore that. I guess I just assumed you were talking about naked pictures of kids, by themselves. Fuck. I’m sorry.

24

I’d say emotional shock, yes; but to the point of recurrent anxiety attack, not necessarily for all of us. Otherwise you could not staff the police agencies in charge of this sort of stuff. We humans have an astounding capacity for diverse forms of reaction to stresses and for adaptation thereto.
As AquaPura herself said, she had been able to behold some horrifying events and handled it before, but this – THIS is what crossed the line of her own fortitude: she had been able to work around torn bodies, she could laugh at all the other gross-out “sick” porn, but out there waiting, probably without her ever having given it any thought, was that one thing, not quite exactly the same for each of us, for which you’re not, can never be, prepared. And wham, there it was right in her hands.

And yeah, it does look like it was some sort of “shock file” and that at 14 the legal and moral implications probably never crossed his mind…
AquaPura, you seem to be dealing with it quite well under the circumstances: I wish you success in getting things settled back down.

25

I saw a lot of this sort of stuff years ago when working with the Sexual Offenders squad and I must admit that it never gave me nightmares. Unsavoury for sure.

26

JD, what you said here definitely puts this into perspective to me. I think you are right, it is the one thing, even though I didn’t know it, for which I was never prepared for. Intellectually, it wasn’t something I thought would effect me that much. Wrong? Reprehensible? Disgusting? All that and more, but so is murder. I’ve done CPR on a 4 year old gunned down in a domestic violence situation, she didn’t make it, and it didn’t hold this kind of horror for me. This apparently was the one thing that set my brain on a loop of gibbering horror. Knowing this is a comfort and I thank you.

We do plan on confronting him calmly, quietly and privately. Both my boyfriend and I are excellent at seeing if someone is lying or omitting something. We both feel that if we ask him about it and it turns out to be a rational explanation like 14 year olds gross out file, or that he doesn’t remember it at all it will be a done deal. If it turns out he needs help, we will help him get what he needs.

Thank you for the perspective here folks, it truly does help.

27

I’m not being dismissive at all of the nature of the materials found by AquaPura and her boyfriend; they truly are horrific and disturbing. However, I think it’s also important to maintain an “on the whole” view of the situation, given other facts presented by the OP.

Okay, this does not compute at all with anything else you’ve told us.

This, and every other description of cousin really puts the nail in the coffin (for me, anyway) of this being a completely isolated incident that happened over a decade ago. When he was a kid. It’s not uncommon for teenage boys to have porn, “shock” material, or anything you can imagine. Not that I’m advocating such activity, but the truth is it is out there, it does get seen, and it happens.

At age 14, he was probably laughing about all of it. Maybe even with his friends. I know, it’s disturbing for an adult to think about the circumstances surrounding such a thing, but young teen boys do get a thrill out of some “shock” value. Sounds like you found his shock folder.

I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m being insensitive to your feelings or to the situation, but you need to very heavily consider the “recency” factor in this. He was 14 at the time. Since then, he’s gone on to lead a normal, healthy life and has shown, by your own admission, absolutely no signs that this is a continuing trend – or even was at the time.

Honestly, confronting him about it has a lot of risk for no reward. Sounds like the bond between cousin and your boyfriend is very close, and to be honest, I think cousin would be completely justified in feeling a bit pissed if you confront him in any way with crap you found from when he was a young teen. For all you know, it wasn’t even his – maybe he got the folder from another young teen and it didn’t even ping on his 14 year old radar.

Really, I can’t imagine any good reason to bring this up to him in any way, considering the other history you’ve detailed for us. Relationships and social life is otherwise normal and you have no reason whatsoever to suspect some kind of “foul play” on his part. All you have to go on is one sheet of paper he had in his possession at some point for some reason over 10 years ago. No matter how you confront him, I can very quickly imagine him coming to the conclusion that “my cousin and his girlfriend think I’m a pedo, great.” And I can’t say I’d blame him.

Again, I’m not trying to downplay the gravity of what you stumbled upon. It’s truly horrible material that shouldn’t exist. But what’s done is done, and IMHO, the best course of action is to just move on as if it didn’t happen. It may be difficult for you to put out of your mind, but I can’t fathom why you’d bring it up with him now, 10 years later, when he probably will have no idea what you’re talking about. You did your part in destroying it, but it seems like you’re now focusing on “cousin, the potential pedo based on no real evidence” rather than “cousin, the guy my boyfriend is very close with and has been for years.”

28

Why confront him at all? He might not even remember owning the pr0n, and it would be awkward since you’ve already destroyed the evidence. (And if he actually is a pedophile, do you really think he’ll fess up? Highly unlikely.)

Seriously, this whole situation is making a mountain out of a molehill.

29

Agreed.

Confronting him at this point would really fuck things up… Now he’ll be living the rest of his life knowing that others think he is a pedophile, which he may not be, and it’d truly ruin him emotionally.

There’s no say in when or how those images arrived in the folder. It’s probably best to try and put it past you. In the future, should you notice any irregular behavior while he is near or with children you would want to pay close attention to it. If you find him acting unusual, then do something, but until then it’s probably best to leave it alone and never bring it up between any other people you know…

30

Confronting him is wrong. It is none of your business. By your own admission, he is an all-around good guy, with no indicators at all that this was anything but teenage bullshit.

Drop it. You will become the bad guys in this, especially now that you have no “proof.”

31

This is bullshit. Those photographs are photographs of crimes being committed. It’s not just weird porn, it’s photographs of toddlers being raped. That makes them everybody’s business. I think the pictures should have been turned over to law enforcement and the cousin needs to be questioned as to where he got them. Would you say it was none of the OP’s business if she’d fround photographs of someone being murdered? What’s th difference between finding photographs one grotesque violent crime and another one.

I think that’s something that a lot of people miss about about child porn. It’s not juts “pr0n,” it’s photographic evidence of horrific crimes against children. Ignoring it is the same as ignoring the crime itself.

32

A ten year old isn’t that much younger than a 14 year old, and a 14 year old is trying to figure out his sexuality. It is not that odd for him to think about ten year olds and try to figure out whether or not they are worthy sexual objects. That they were just thumbnails I wouldn’t concern yourself too much with them. Sounds like he was just window shopping as a pubescent teen. It’s still gross, but teenage boy sexuality is kind of gross. They haven’t really formed their sexuality yet. Likely he doesn’t even remember it exists.

33

What outcome from the confrontation will you find satisfactory? What do you hope to accomplish with it?

34

I don’t think confronting him is that big of a deal. But it should be done by his cousin over beers when you are not there. Just in the way guys can say things matter of factly. “Dude, we found a folder of gross porn in your closet from when you were 14, it had some kiddy porn in it. We burned it because that’s nasty.” Let them talk about it, don’t turn it into a point of drama.

I came across kiddy porn when I worked for orgasm.com. We used to spider other people’s content and use it on the website. That meant we just got everything that was out there. The one I can never forget is a 40 year old Ayn Rand looking woman spanking a nine year old girl. The girl looked like she was in genuine pain and it was leaving marks. It was posed in a way that made the woman look very severe and Dom. It was pretty nasty, we deleted that stuff when we came across it.

35

This was kind of a search for dirt that blew up in your face wasn’t it?

36

I disagree. I think they should say say something, to him privately, and get it out in the open between themselves, if for no other reason than so they don’t have lingering doubt in their minds about the cousin that messes up their relationship later.
((((AquaPura)))) I am sorry you came across that, That’s a terrible thing to see.

37

He was 14. Forget it.

38

Without knowing the current law with respect to possession in the US, one difference that immediately strikes me is the statute of limitations. Again, I don’t know if there even is one for possession of child porn, but if there is, there’s really not much anyone could even do at this point.

Realistically, nothing at all can be done at this point to either bring justice to the victim, or inflict punishment on the cousin. This is ten years later, and production of child porn often goes unnoticed or unreported – compare to a murder, where the police will usually at least know that there is a “missing person.”

How would you identify a photograph of a murder being committed (which is, to the best of my knowledge, not illegal to possess)? Rotten.com has thousands of images that could qualify, and while I can imagine many teenage boys getting some shock entertainment from it, I doubt the vast majority of them participated in the act. So I’m not sure where you’re going with this.

The OP found images from the Internet printed out 10 years ago. The cousin is not depicted as participating in any of them. It’s also important to remember that he was 14 at the time – this wasn’t last week – and since then he’s given no other signs to indicate that this is a problem for him. He’s now an adult, and part of going from 14 year old boy to adult includes learning that some things truly are despicable and what may have been “ew, check this out, it’s gross!” at 14 are now considered to be “well, that’s just fucked up.”

The others are right. Beadalin asks a good question, and I reiterate that there is far too much risk and nothing to gain in having this conversation. EJsGirl very succinctly summarizes my point.

Great, so the OP and boyfriend’s conscience will be cleared later, and it won’t interfere with the relationship. Except by even bringing up this conversation to the cousin, who again at one point for some reason had possession of this one sheet of paper 10 years ago, you’re going to damage the relationship right there, IMO. At least from the cousin’s POV, because…

…is totally on the money, iMO.

Again, what’s the gain?

39

It seems to me that confronting him is unlikely to resolve any “lingering doubts.” What could he say? That he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t remember printing up any such thing? That he did print that one page, but that was the only one, and it doesn’t mean anything? If you really suspect him of being a pedophile, then you can’t take those answers at face value.

I’m curious as to why you destroyed the evidence, if you think it’s serious enough that the police might need to investigate. At this point you’d be calling the cops to tell them that (a) you found evidence that someone might be a pedophile, and (b) you have already destroyed that evidence. What are they supposed to do with that?

A final question: are you certain the pictures were printed up by the cousin? That might strike you as a silly question, but look at it the way the police might look at it. You’ve got a house full of crap with mountains of paper everywhere. The cops question the cousin and he says, “I most certainly never printed up any such thing. I haven’t been living there in X years, and if they found something like that, it wasn’t mine.” So the cops say, “Hmmm, well it sounds like SOMEONE in that household is a pedophile, who are all the possible suspects?” An accusation of child porn is an explosive one, and the law of unintended consequences can kick in. Of course, that doesn’t mean it should never be made, but if you have an ambiguous situation, you should think carefully about harm vs. benefits.

40

Missed the edit window: If you decide to go to the police, you might want to talk to a lawyer first about your decision to burn the evidence. I’m not necessarily saying it was wrong under the circumstances, but if I were in that position, I’d want to know where I stood on that (i.e., could I be accused of obstructing justice, or being an accessory after the fact, or anything along those lines). (Standard disclaimer: I’m not your lawyer, I can’t give you advice).