I think keeping it in the open is the best thing.
If he’s not a pedo he can sheepishly share in the being grossed out by it and you can move on without this secret thing.
If he is a pedo he knows that there are people who are aware and it’ll be tougher to hide if he really goes for it.
If the pictures were likely to give any clue that might help the police solve a crime that is now at least 10 years old, then i would agree with your point. But the fact is that this stuff is apparently available in plenty of places online, and there’s a good chance that a lot of it is evidence of crimes that weren’t even committed in the United States, let alone the jurisdiction of the OP’s local police.
If she had found photographs (not the same, by the way, as printed images from the internet) of someone being murdered, there’s a pretty good chance that these would have come from a much more local source, perhaps even from a person known to the cousin. That’s quite a different issue than some pictures downloaded from the internet a decade ago.
As for asking the cousin where he got them, what are the likely answers?
“I got them off the internet”? If so, chances are almost 100 percent that the particular URL or email address they came from no longer exist, even if he could remember something so specific from ten years ago. I’m betting that if the printouts had a URL or similar identifying information on them, the OP would have told us.
“I got them from a friend”? Who probably also downloaded them from the internet, and who would have similar difficulty identifying the exact source.
Unless the ultimate source of these pictures is some individual known to the cousin, rather than some anonymous internet user who could live in America or Russia or Poland or Thailand or wherever, turning the pictures and the cousin over to the cops will accomplish nothing except possibly causing someone a lot of trouble for something they did as a 14-year-old.
Just not worth it.
Y’all already know I’m with this approach, like I said, **IF **“pretend we didn’t see that” will NOT work out for them, THEN this is in order, because in any case, trust has already been damaged. Having eliminated any evidence, trying to involve authorities in mounting what would be but a hearsay-based fishing expedition may be even counteproductive.
Agree with everyone who says forget about it.
At age 14, over 10 years years ago, a single page of thumbnail shots?
In other words, there could have been many (mostly innocent) reasons this was tucked away with other stuff, and not exactly a part of a huge collection.
If he had had one page of Gay S&M sex, would you think he was a closet leather queen today? If he had one page of transvestites, would you think he is performing at a drag cabaret today? If he had one page of photos of how to build a bomb, would you think he is a terrorist today?
The kid was 14. Cut him some slack.
Or maybe he will just be even MORE careful and NOT get caught because he knows folks are watching.
I’m in the camp that doesn’t know what confronting him will accomplish. I’ll echo the previous poster that asked: What *do *you hope to get out of this confrontation? Seriously, how many of us when we were kids did some really, really stupid shit? Shit that we probably don’t even remember today. This sounds like an isolated incident that will really cause some bad blood if brought to the surface-- especially if you (a female) are involved; having a woman talk to him about his 10-year-old porn collection, that she’s already examined, would be traumatic enough without having to be questioned on possibly being “into” kids, too.
If you and your bf feel it’s absolutely necessary to talk to him, *please *let your bf do it alone. Having you there will just make it even wierder, more confrontational, and awkward.
Also, was the cousin even aware that you two were going through his old things?
Change “causing a lot of trouble” to “ruining his life forever.”
No, it’s not worth it.
The worst thing here is people CANNOT keep their mouths closed. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that the OP tells some real life person about this…and then the rumor mill starts.
I only hope the grapevine doesnt reach all the way to the cousin.
Especially a folder that was labeled as “Secret”. :smack: Even if he directly gave his permission to sort through his stuff and throw out anything useless, and send him the rest, there’s no way I would go through a folder labeled “Secret”, a diary, that kind of thing. Bundle it up without a peek and send it off.
And even if this print out of pictures still existed, which it doesn’t, how might law enforcement track the website down after a decade or longer? How could it possibly make a difference now? What could law enforcement do? Like, exactly?
Yeah, I doubt that the OP would remain in that relationship for long after the havoc it would wreak on the family.
Agreed completely.
It sucks that you had to see images that disturbed you. But I agree, they were none of your business in the first place, you don’t have a single reason to think that they have anything to do with the man your boyfriend’s cousin is now, and confronting him about it will undoubtedly involve a lot of pointless unpleasantness with no hope for any possible gain.
Let it go.
To add to this point of view, don’t, for even one second, think that you could bring 10+ year old pictures of child pornography that were printed off the internet (if the printout hadn’t been burned) to the authorities, and think they’d have new evidence. If it was on the internet 10-15 years ago, it’s known material to the authorities.
IOW, this wouldn’t bring resolution to the true victims any more than bringing pictures of Jack The Ripper’s victims to the cops would bring us any closer to catching the killer.
The only reason for bringing this to the cops would be to stop the downloader from the possibility of hurting any other children; in this case, where it’s one page of thumbnails – as despicable as the content was – printed years ago, when the cousin wasn’t even old enough to really draw a line between “eww, gross (giggle)” and “that’s just wrong”, doesn’t show much in the way of precidence for deviant tendencies into adulthood.
S^G
Even that would be difficult, since you’d have to prove that the images came from the cousin’s collection. More likely is that the police would arrest YOU for possession of child porn…since, after all, you are the one currently possessing it, right?
You did the right thing by destroying the images. Best course of action now is to merely forget about it.
Ten years ago, it’s more likely that it was from a Usenet newsgroup than a web site. I used to get a lot of pictures off alt.binaries.pictures.erotica. The “alt” hierarchy is the wild part of Usenet, and in a.b.p.e.*, all bets are off. Anyone can post anything and it will be propagated to news servers all around the world. Now, it’s almost all promotional images for porn websites, but back then it was a mix of web sites and stuff posted by amateurs and old promos from porn BBSs. As a lot of people didn’t have high-speed connections, they’d use a news-grabber program to download a whole bunch of images or contact sheet images at one time, overnight.
So far, perfectly normal horndog activity. But some folks hated the whole alt.binaries.pictures.* thing, so they’d “poison” the feed by re-posting the most repulsive stuff they could find, using innocuous titles like “Blonde giving blowjob” (innocuous in context, of course). So this contact sheet of images could well have been posted in an area that is not, in any way, about pedophile stuff.
Heh. Very true. Reminds me of an episode of Cops I saw once. This lady keeps calling the police on her neighbors, who are running a crack dealership out of their house. The police, for whatever reason (
) won’t do anything about it, so she walks up to the house right in front of the cops, buys a rock, turns around and walks back to the cops and hands it to them, and they arrest her!
Are you sure that was COPS, not Reno 911?
I think one point that’s been sort of skimmed over is that the relationship is, IMHO, already damaged beyond repair. If they even THOUGHT of confronting the cousin, then their trust in him is already completely broken. It’s just a choice between:
a) Shifting uncomfortably every time they see him, especially if he’s within ten feet of a child, and wondering “what if…?”
or
b) Same as (a), except the reaction is spread to others in their circle of friends and family.
Good point - sort of like answering the question, “Have you stopped beating your wife?” Hopefully the guy will not forever be known by the OP as “the alleged pedophile”…kind of hard to shake that label.
Wow.
Color me surprised. I find Kiddy porn, PICTURES OF CHILDREN BEING RAPED, in a folder that was obviously used by a loved one to beat off and somehow, my being upset about it and perhaps wanting to ask the owner of said folder WTF, is met with “What the hell is your problem Woman? Why did you look, why are you bothered and why the hell would you even wonder about it because it was years ago?”
Just wow…
Not a reaction I expected to have. For the record, I am not going through his stuff without permission. We HAVE not only his DIRECT permission, but the permission of the owners of the house to move and remove this monumental pile of clutter. Why did we go through every sheet of paper in there? Because we have no idea what anything is. We cannot just box it up and give it to him, much of it is garbage. He WON’T come clean it himself. We have little other recourse. We could have perhaps just dumped everything, but as I said before, important papers were mixed in the trash. Was the folder labeled secret? Yes. So was the box of “secret” lego guys he had hidden from my boyfriend when they were young.
Why would you assume that I would suddenly go around and tell everyone I just found Kiddy porn in his closet? Especially his loved ones? My first reaction was “Burn it”. I know damn well those pictures were against the law and would fuck up his life. That is why we destroyed them. We never had ANY intention of going to the police. They wouldn’t pause to wonder if this was an isolated situation. They would just string him up. The only way I would have even thought to go to the police is if we found evidence of him trafficking in Kiddy Porn right now, there would have to be a lot of it for that kind of assumption.
You want to know why we would confront him? Try this. You are cleaning up some of your brothers old flies. In it you find kiddy porn. At this very moment, your children are at his house for a sleepover. Doesn’t that perhaps make you wonder? Do you assume it is some gross out file? Or do you have a knee jerk reaction that says “Are my kids safe with this man”? If my boyfriend and I are able to confront him about this in a private rational manner, perhaps I won’t worry about him being with children for the rest of his life. Or should I just keep the pictures in the back of my mind every time I interact with him for the rest of our lives?
I hope that he tells us “Woah, yeah, I thought I tossed that. It was some of my early early porn and I didn’t realize it was wrong.” If that or something similar is the case, then we have no problem, scary crisis averted. If he tells us “Yes, I have a problem, I like to look at kiddy porn, I know it’s wrong I need help.” then we will do everything within our power to see that he gets the help he needs. If we get a lie back, we will know. This cousin is not accomplished at dissembling. If that is the case, we will press on and figure out what needs to be done.
I never thought that me being upset by a loved one having kiddy porn would make me the bad guy.