Kids are dolts, wife is fat, I'm an imbecile, and it's all your fault!

[LilyoftheValley]

Hahaha! I think the funniest part of the press conference is this:

He said the impetus to cut the cable service came when he broke off a wooden railing on his basement stairs when trying to climb up the railing while drunk.

Yup, cable would be the first thing I blamed for that!

[pilot141]

“He was powerless over the remote”.

Yes, it’s that mind-controlling technology now put to evil corporate use! What evil use, you say? We force you to watch our cable FOR FREE!!!

Mwahahahah!!! Soon all of your fat, lazy spineless family will be under our control…and we will have you eat our food FOR FREE!!!

Just gaze briefly at your electric meter…and you will be using our electricity FOR FREE!!!

There is NO END to the nefariousness that this power can conjure!!

[Headspace]

I know that the lawsuit is not going forward but does anyone else see the delicions irony in complaining about free cable tv making him and his family fat lazy and addicted and then asking for free computers and internet access as compensation??!!!

I mean how better to compensate me for providing me with a electronic entertainment medium that I cant swithc off than giving me an alternate electronic medium (that I can use for entertainment) that I wont be able to switch off!!!

We will sure be better off surfing the net than the cable channels - so much healthier 'n all!!!

Sort of like having a a tobacco litigant ask for free chewing baccy or an alcoholic asking for compensation with heroin!

This whole thing just keeps getting better and better the more you look at it

(and if anyone wants to point out that like Alannis this is not strictly ironic please feel free to do so, though I may nchoose to disagree - hijack potential at least)

[carrot]

Huh. Good thing I have satellite TV.

[truthbot]

Headline from the FOND DU LAC Times:

Charter sues local West Bend man for four years of cable theft. Charter is demanding that the culprit forfeit the m, second u and l in the defendant’s surname.

The defendant, Mr. Dumouchel, was not available for comment.

[Larry_Mudd]

From QtM’s link:

“I have the choice not to smoke these (cigarettes), yet I have to go to the store and buy them. I have to make a conscious decision,” he said.

Okay, I’m with him on the analogy so far… until…

He also blames Charter for causing him to smoke and drink after several years of abstinence from both substances.

I’m beginning to get the picture of an entirely deterministic universe, with the cable company as Prime Mover.

[Jenaroph]

This defendant appears to be a few crumbs short of a cookie.

[Rilchiam]

*Originally posted by truthbot *
**Headline from the FOND DU LAC Times:

Charter sues local West Bend man for four years of cable theft. Charter is demanding that the culprit forfeit the m, second u and l in the defendant’s surname.

The defendant, Mr. Dumouchel, was not available for comment. **

Nitpick: That would be the first u.

[smiling_bandit]

Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit.

Pure comedy gold, people. Pure comedy gold.