This is prompted by the weekend I just spent with my SiL, BiL, and 18-month old nephew. Mr. Lissar and I spent the weekend horrified at the constant access the kid had to candy, cookies, and gum. He ate nothing but Oreos (profferred whenever he made unhappy sounds), SweetTarts, and Sour Patch Kids, between Friday evening and Sunday morning. His mother explained that he doesn’t like fruit, vegetables, and meat. Aagh. He had gum at least five times.
I’m pretty sure that I didn’t have gum until I was in school at least, and I remember candy being restricted to holidays (Easter, Christmas) or occasionally being able to go to the corner store and pick out some penny and five-cent gummis and things. Mostly after I was six or so.
How old were your children- or how old were you- when you were allowed candy? What types? How much? And what types of candy and treats are appropriate for what ages?
Gum? an 18 month old child had gum? :eek:
I had occasional sweets - maybe a couple of small items a week from the age of about 5. My own kids have Saturday as ‘sweetie day’ - I buy them a bag of sweets or a bar of chocolate on Saturday. They’re sometimes allowed chocolate outside of that, but not at the expense of meals.
My 20 month old son has had candy. By that I mean that he’s had a chocolate chip while I’m baking cookies, or a bite of a mini-Hershey’s bar that he got trick-or-treating. Very occasionally, small portions. My 4 year old had his first gum this year and has occasional candy, too. His favorite things to snack on are grape tomatoes, pretzels, and carrots, but that’s because that’s what we have in the house. If we had cookies, candy and ice cream all the time, I’m sure those would turn into his favorite snacks. I know they would be mine!
That’s my reaction also!
My son has had candy. He loves starburst and skittles, and he likes chocolate bars and lollipops. He doesn’t get them much though, he had a bunch for halloween but I doled them out and we didn’t trick or treat a large amount. Has yet to have gum (I took the ones in his bag for myself), he likes cookies, cake and pies, chips also.
Basically he gets them in moderation, snacks are things like peanut butter and bread or crackers and cheese, whatever fruit we have on hand, yogurt.
How old was I when I had candy? I can’t recall. I do remember biking to the corner store at 7/8 to buy penny candy so as early as that, probably earlier.
Basically anything like gum and hard candies are not good for little kids, they can be choked on too easily. The recommendations for that is something like 4 or 5.
I come from a family of sweet-tooths (sweet-teeth?), and when I was a kid my dad worked for Hershey Foods. I know I had candy (Hersheyettes!) as a wee little person, but not tons of it. After weekend dinners and so forth. We did get a lot of candy on Valentine’s Day/Easter/Halloween/Christmas, though. The more or less daily snacks I remember weren’t sugar free or all natural. The ones I remember are apples with peanutbutter or apples dipped in cinnamon/sugar, graham crackers, bananas.
My son receives a lot of candy on those holidays but isn’t nearly as interested in it as I was. In fact this morning I threw out what was left of the Halloween candy. He seems more inclined towards salty snacks. Loves pretzels and triscuits and chips.
Gum is a different story. I wasn’t allowed to have it until, as others have said, around school age. Nor did I allow my son to have it before then. He has trouble chewing it with his mouth closed so I rarely let him have it now.
Dayum! Do these people do any parenting at all? Because I thought the main task of a parent was to make sure kids eat their vegetables before they get a treat.
My kid was pretty much a ‘special occasion junk food’ kid. The way I figured it, there are only a few years where you have complete control over what they eat, so take advantage.
My niece, on the other hand, had a face full of candy and other junk food all the time. She’s off a lot of it for the most part now that she’s in high school, but my sister let her have pretty much whatever she wanted in the way of junk.
I can’t imagine giving my 18-month-old gum! Yikes - the first thing I thought when I saw that was “CHOKING HAZARD.”
My son has access to graham crackers, which I suppose qualify as cookies, but only as snacks (though I have to admit I was somewhat lax over Thanksgiving and allowed him to load up on them once - so much so he didn’t want lunch). Either way, we don’t keep candy in the house, so he doesn’t eat any at home. He may at daycare, but not that much and I take him out to breakfast once a week - just the two of us - and sometimes get him a muffin. But that’s the extent of his junk food. He doesn’t particularly care for fruits & veggies, either, and isn’t quite to that age when I can tell him he’ll eat what I serve him or not eat at all; however, I don’t consider junk food an acceptable alternative to a meal.
If he won’t eat fresh fruits or veggies, he can have raisins or other dried fruit, which he does like. If he doesn’t want meat, he doesn’t have to eat it - he can have an egg instead, and so on.
I don’t think it’s a good thing to force a young toddler to eat what he/she doesn’t want; however, I’d think it just as bad to allow a young child to get used to being provided junk food whenever they won’t eat what you give them. That doesn’t exactly set the stage for good eating habits later. It also seems like if you keep capitulating past a certain age (what that age is, I’m still trying to figure out), it makes it harder to discipline the kid - in other words, if they absolutely refuse to eat something healthy for dinner and you’re constantly making special meals or feeding them chicken nuggets instead, they get the idea that you’ll act as a line-item cook whenever they want you to just to get them to either shut up (if they throw a tantrum on seeing the healthy food) or eat.
Wow. Just wow. My kids always had access to sweets (I lived with my Dad – a notorious sweet-tooth – from the time my daughter was around 16 months until she was about 6) but always preferred fruits & vegetables.
I honestly don’t recall when I first gave either of them candy – I know that I took them both trick-or-treating from infancy, so the candy was there, but they just never much cared for it. My son, who is currently 7 (will be 8 on 12-14), will turn down candy regularly. It’s just not preferable to fruits/veggies/juices. My kids will also choose water or juice over pop most of the time.
It’s not a matter of “my kid doesn’t like it” IME, as much as “I am too lazy to cook it/buy it/peel it/offer it” when it comes to fruits/vegetables/healthy food. Let’s face it – which is easier: giving little Timmy a handful of skittles or peeling a banana and cutting it up to hand to him?
When my daughter was about 4, we went to the grocery store to pick up a very limited list. While walking through the produce department, she started asking if we could “please please please” get some carrots. I told her that no, carrots were not on our list, and she started whining. One lady who was walking by was just in shock that a kid would beg for carrots and asked how I did it. I explained it was just a matter of offering it to them, and kids naturally prefer the good stuff in my experience. She was just flabbergasted that I was denying my child getting carrots (a healthy food she would have to beat her kids to get them to eat), but was equally amazed when I stopped my daughter’s whining by telling her “we do have broccoli at the house, would you like some when we get home?”
We still have Halloween candy in the house (yeh, the good stuff), but I can’t keep carrots more than a few days! Cherries? HA! A bag of frozen cherries will last approximately 3 hours if the kids know about it.
I haven’t even mentioned that he got to use his hockey stick in the house all weekend, and tried to slash me with it a couple of times, obviously thinking this was cute. I usually spend time with them in a frothing rage. He was eating at McDonald’s before he was one.
Yeah, I think that part of parenting little kids is that you really can control what they eat (within reason). They have no money, they may not be able to talk yet- what they put in their mouths is the parents’ responsibility. Saying, “Oh, well, he won’t eat anything but cookies.” is a huge, damaging abdication of your responsibility as a parent. I don’t think you should force them to eat things they hate, but deliberately giving up on everything healthy? I’m worried about obesity, bad teeth, and the possibility of diabetes.
My BiL doesn’t force-feed him candy, but he’s also away from home at least three weeks a month for work, so he has limited control over what his child eats. It’s a damn depressing situation.
I have nothing constructive to contribute, but this made me think of the scene from Friends when Ross’s son was born.
[Monica Gellar - to the newborn baby]
I’m you’re Aunt Monica. I will always have gum.
That’s crazy - both about the hockey stick and the McDonald’s! I wonder how much of his activity with the hockey stick was related to all the freaking sugar he had vs. permissive parenting?
Just by what the kid is eating, it sounds like your SIL is pretty permissive, but the hockey stick really confirms it. If my kid ever took a swipe at anyone else - whether it’s an adult or someone his own age - with anything, you can bet whatever it was would be taken away (unless of course, it was his hand, because that’s just cruel). Were I in your situation, I’d be in a frothing rage, too. Heck, I’d probably have to lock myself in the bathroom to prevent myself from smacking the SIL. Although it’s the kid who’s doing it, he’s young enough that the responsibility for such behavior lies with the SIL, and not entirely with the kid (though the kid obviously needs to be disciplined, too).
I’m with everyone about the gum. Dangerous! I still don’t let my 3 yo have gum.
However, it’s not commonplace in my house to see a kid pass up a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup for a carrot. If it were socially acceptable my children would drape themselves in chocolate. Since Halloween I’ve been pretty lax about the candy - we can have one small piece (say, one dum-dum sucker or split a treat sized box of gumdrops which would give them about 5 each) when we come home from school. When that candy runs out I simply won’t buy any more and it won’t be an option. It’ll suck because they are used to it but we are counting down as we watch the candy bowl shrink. Plus I did some sneak attack work on it while they weren’t looking and whittled down the stash!
Would the fact that it was a holiday weekend have anything to do with it, you think? I know I just had one very casual week where we spent several days with my parents and pretty much ate when we wanted and had cake every night after dinner. Hell, my SIL had diet coke and cake for breakfast every morning. I let the kids play and watch TV while the grownups ate dinner. All things I wouldn’t normally do, but it was a house full of people relaxing and enjoying the holiday. Is there any possibility that contributed?
When he was little, #1 son would turn down chocolate for broccoli. I myself found this amazing, but kept it to myself. I am a chocoholic, but my parents were weird about food. Lots of control and you must eat this and clean your plate. I would sit for hours in a battle of wills with my father in particular. Because of this, I do have some lingering food issues–I will not touch okra, ever, for example. I will go hungry than have some foods, but these are nothing I can’t live without (like okra). I vowed I would not do that to my kids and I haven’t . They were pressed to try some, but that was it.
She sounds like a lazy mom who will be dealing with a cavity riddled, obese child very soon. How very sad–for that child.
Ixnay on the gum–major choking hazard at that age and she may just not have a cavity riddled obese child afterall… :mad:
I told my daughter that gum’s not good for baby teeth, and when she gets her “grown-up teeth”, she’ll be able to enjoy gum like Mommy. Worked like a charm - she’s now 2.5, and she’ll go get me a piece of gum, and sagely shake her head and say, “Not for baby teeth,” as she hands it over and that’s the end of that.
Since we just had Halloween, she has been having more candy than usual - limit of one piece a day, after a decent meal. She decides what “decent” means, but I’ve noticed that she’s pretty honest. If she had four crackers and a sip of water and I ask her if she ate well enough to have a piece of candy, she’ll think about it, say no and ask for some plain yogurt and carrots first (she likes to dip her baby carrots in plain yogurt). Then she’ll allow herself a piece of candy.
Candy at her age, in order of her favorites, means dark chocolate, Kit-Kat, milk chocolate, Smarties, Sweetarts, all other chocolates, gummies and finally Twizzlers. I don’t let her have hard candies like Jolly Ranchers or large chewy candies like caramels - due to choking worries. (And she may not learn about the existence of Milky Ways for a while yet - Mom’s Halloween Tax, y’know. 
)
The candy ran out about a week before Thankgiving. We both looked in her basket as she chose her last piece and said bye-bye to the candy. She hasn’t asked for anything since.
I don’t think candy should be off limits to toddlers entirely, because it exists in the world, and sooner or later, they’re going to have to learn to make good food choices despite that. She’s getting plenty of practice doing that already.
Well, yes. Weekends, holidays, whatever. Occasional candy. But I would hate for it to become a staple. I think it should be a treat.
I’m sorry to say that I don’t think it did. The kid knew where the gum and candy were kept, and would ask (go stand over by his mother’s purse) and make eating sounds or cry, several times an hour. And it would be instantly provided. I got the feeling of a constant supply. Also, SiL talked about how he goes to the candy store with her parents four or five times a week, as well, and how much he enjoys it.
WhyNot, I continue to want to be just like you as a Mom when tinyninjachef is born. 
That is just nuts. :eek: You are right to find it depressing.
First, I agree with everyone else - a child that young should never have gum.
Second, obviously candy and sweets is not the height of good nutrition for anyone. They should be an occasional treat only - my two year old gets cake on birthdays and the occasional cookie after dinner.
Third, getting what they want whenever they whine is a recepie for more whining.
Fourth, no child should take a slash at anyone with a toy. What I do with my 2 year old is this: if he does something inappropriate with a toy (throwing, banging other toys, not sharing nicely - so far he would not dream of hitting other people with them), I tell him “no!” and explain how I want him to behave. If he doesn’t listen and keeps doing it, I take the toy away. Hitting someone else would merit instant toy removal and child removal to a different, more boring location.
The message children this young ought to get is, in my opinion, “if I behave in a civilized manner, I get to do fun stuff. If I throw my toys or behave badly, I lose access to my fun toys. If I behave really badly, I don’t get to play at all”.
Sadly, with young children it does no good to simply say what sort of behaviour you want - or even yell. Actions speak louder than words. To my mind, if these parents just keep giving in to their child they are going to reap a bitter harvest in the future.
I wish I could trade in-laws with your in-laws (or whatever would end up with my kid having you for an aunt…)
I can’t stand going to my SIL & BIL’s with my 17 month old. They shove junk at her from the second she walks in the door to the second we leave. After the first cookie or so, I start saying no, and it’s a battle to the end after that. They (especially BIL) pull out more cookies, cake, chips, doughnuts, candy, you name it - and as fast as I can nix one thing, I turn around and they’ve poked something else in her mouth (gumdrops? She has like 5 teeth!). I know they think I’m anal and overprotective and basically being a bitch, and it makes me crazy.
The thing is, I do give her junk. Every single day she gets treats, because I think it’s important to learn how to treat yourself as part of eating healthy. She eats lots and lots and lots of good things, like vegetables, fish, meat, eggs, yogurt, whole grains and some fruit, and also a little bit of something less healthy, like a cookie or some goldfish. And every now and then we have pizza or McDonalds. But when we do that we try to make the best choices available, and don’t go insane portion-wise.
So it’s not like I am refusing to let my precious little snookums touch anything that isn’t organic healthfood, and I know letting them spoil her occasionally isn’t going to wreck her, but I just don’t understand the desire to shower a little kid with horrible food! Give her one cookie, that’s nice. Why do you have to give her 18 metric tons of sugar and fat? Why is that enjoyable? Gah.
Yes, I read the hockey stick part and don’t think so either, and especially after reading the rest of your last post. My stomach hurts just thinking about eating that much candy. I can’t believe an 18 year old is getting that much.
WhyNot - I am so on board with the Halloween Tax. I make them tithe to the queen and I receive payment in the form of fun-sized candy bars. Like you, I don’t try to make them live in a world without candy. Just a world where you don’t eat it all the time. I am always stressing to my kids about the importance of moderation. My 6 y/o will often say “Is pizza/cheese/salad healthy?” and my answer is almost always “yes, within limits.”
I am thinking I will not be taking this approach to heroin and hard drugs…but I digress.
Unlike you, I am constantly fighting the battle of whether 3 bites of dinner constitutes a full meal. However, one of my major problems comes directly from me not eating so I’m not setting a very good example. Tonight we are sitting down at the table together to eat dinner to try to correct that.
Back on topic - yes, that situation does not sound healthy at all the more you describe it. Candy should be a treat, not a staple of your diet. But maybe he’ll lose all the weight he’ll gain when his teeth rot out of his head.
Yuck. My stomach hurts now. I’m gonna go home and cook something green.
My daughter (2 years next month) eats her share of candy. My wife and I work at the same place, and because of the way or schedules work, the kid ends up here with us for about 3 hours a day. As soon as she could reach the tootsie rolls she was in heaven. On a given day she probably has 5-10 tootsie rolls, maybe 10 jelly bellies and some random other things.
BUT, she’s not a picky eater, outside of work, she eats plenty of ‘good food,’ but for the time being if a handful of tootsie rolls keeps her from screaming for few hours, so be it.
Gum? Really? I’m surprised an 18mo even knows what to do with gum.