Unfortunately around here it has become the usual thing. I was really shocked when I found that out. Frankly it’s a pain in the arse - I’d much rather drop her off, go and do stuff that needs to be done (our weekends are always really hectic) and pick her up a couple of hours later. Not to mention how much I detest social gatherings with people I don’t really know.
Also when hosting a party it’s a pain to have to take the adults into consideration as well.
Luckily if I explain what I have to do, most people have no problem with me dropping my daughter off and picking her up later, but absent an excuse, it’s pretty much expected that the adults will stay.
I think this is quite possibly likely. For future parties, and what I have found to be the custom in some places, invitations for parties that are also “events” such as paintball (or amusement parks etc.) include a little disclaimer on the invitation itself such as: There is wonderful [coffee house, cinema, shopping center, adults-only restaurant, etc.] nearby that parents might like to visit while the children play.
That nicely decreases any expectations that parents are included in the paid-for portion of the invitation, and keeps the door open for parents that want to pay their own way to stay with their children (although by 6th grade or so most kids probably don’t want them there anyway :)).
The only other thing I can think of is to flat-out state that parents are excluded, or will have to pay their own way, and I can’t figure out a really polite way to do so.
My own children have received invitations to such parties that were meant for each attendant to pay for themselves. “Please join us for Billy’s birthday party at [wherever]. Admission is $25.00 per person, cake and ice cream will be provided.” I always ponied up the cash, but secretly felt that was incredibly tacky…I can understand the expense may be too much for little Billy’s parents, but there has to be a better option than that.
If I was giving the party, I would be as clear as I possibly could about the situation.,
My suggestion would be
“It is our pleasure to host all the children. Dad is also more than welcome to join, but would need to pay his own way” (or similiar)
Don’t use euphenisms or circumlocutions, if the meaning is missed, both parties end up pissed off. (you that meaning was missed, parent that you weren’t clearer)
If my own kid was attending, I would also appreciate this (but frankly, I would not participate in paintball, I would rather drop kid and leave, or at worst - sit and read paper while waiting)
I would not in anyway express regret or apologise that accompanying parent was not free - this implies fault, when there is no fault