My oldest daughter, six, has got a new game: playing drunk. So she pretends taking deep gulps of beer and wine, raves about, bumping into furniture and banging her head into the wall and stuff. Until she loudly pukes and passes out. Her smaller sister, three, being a mimic of course quickly picks up on the fun - so now I’ve got two raving drunks staggering around my flat barfing and passing out. But the smaller one quickly loses interest, she has a new game of her own. She has some small cutesy looking ponies, My Little Pony I think they’re called or something. So she picks up two of them in one hand and another My Little Pony, a unicorn, in the other. And starts to play. “You look different” the two ponies says, “you’re ugly” where after the two ponies pounces on the poor unicorn, while my daughter screams gleefully “Two against one! Two against one!”. After taking a heavy beating “oh no! Don’t hurt me! Please” “BOMF BANG” and some loud suffering “Arrrgh “I’m bleeding! Whaaaa” the unicorn dies to my daughters great delight. And she dances around singing “hah hah. Now it is dead. Hah hah.” She loves everything evil. In between playing an evil pussycat and stealing chocolate from the fridge she has a game where a mob of her dolls chase down another doll and drag it to a bonfire where it’s burnt. “Oh nooo. I don’t want to die” the poor doll beg. “Yes. Hah hah. Now you burn. Hah!” the mob cries.
Ahh. If seeing the budding murderous rage of a new European doesn’t make you all warm and gooey and inside.
Last week I went to visit my brother. He has a son, also six. So they start to play “Dad, Mom and Children” – or whatever it’s called in English. “Ok” My oldest daughter says, “I’m mom. You’re dad and“, pointing to her sister “you are the dog”. “Great!” The boy says, “you’re mom – then you have to run around and clean up the house and make dinner and stuff. I’m dad. Then I must lie in bed all day and watch Tour de France”
So I took them to the swimming pool. After seeing them turn blue in the water, we head for the sauna. On a bench outside the sauna sits a negro (or whatever the political correct word is). My youngest daughter probably never saw one before and is completely nonplussed and speechless (a wonder by itself). All she can do is pull her sister’s arm and, standing right in front of him, point at him gaping like a fish. The sister, being the sensible older one, discretely whispers so it can only be heard about fifteen meters away, “It’s ok. He isn’t dangerous. See he’s forgotten his spear.”
So I took my oldest daughter to the market, walking home she cleverly spot a lesbian couple pushing a baby pram. Somehow she’s been able to pick up on the rudimentary of procreation and shouts “Whohow! They cheating! The can’t have children! You must be a man and wife to fuck!” Me, outraged: “Fuck? Fuck! What the fuck do you mean fuck?! Mind your fucking language you stupid brat!”
Anyway, we’re working on the next child. Our parenting skills are obviously tip top.
- Rune
Applause for the post, Winston Smith. clap, clap