They keep a bin filled with small toys in the classroom at my daughter’s school to be used as rewards. Today, The Littlest Briston comes home proudly showing off the trinket she earned today – a small My Little Pony doll (her latest obsession…the kid much have 30 of 'em).
Fulfilling my role of father and child torturer, I snatched it out of her hand and began gushing about how thankful I was that she brought a present home for me, and how much I simply loved ponies.
She jumped up, grabbed the doll out of my hand, and muttered (with an amazing amount of attitude for a not-quite-five-year-old: “You don’t like ponies…YOU like sheep. And. Lambs.” (with accompanying head-shake to punctuate each of the last three words).
Funny, kid. Real effing funny. Your mother taught you that, didn’t she? Revenge for me teaching you that it’s funny to sneak up behind your mother when she’s about to climb in the shower and whap her on the butt, isn’t it? Want to know what else is funny? Me spending the college fund on a new TV – that’s gonna be hilarious.
Knowing what she does about you and sheep, I’m not surprised that your daughter won’t let you near her pony. Especially when you say you “love ponies”: we all know what that implies!
That’s either gonna be one helluva TV, or else you were just gonna send her off to Mr. Jimmy’s College O’ Learnin’ and so can now only afford a used TV/VCR combo on closeout at Kmart with her “college fund”.
Hal - I could get your daughter a real pony. You’re in NJ, right? The Camelot feedlot has ponies and horses and minis go through every week. A pony for the Littlest Briston is a pony not sent to slaughter.
Of course, I clicked the thread and started reading the OP without paying attention to who was the OP. When I got to the “sheep. and. lambs.” part, I cracked up. Then I started thinking, “Man, too bad that this didn’t to happen to Hal Briston! That would be hilarious!”
Turns out, it was pretty hilarious, but it was a slight delay for me. Thanks for brightening my day, Hal!
The story behind My Little Pony is pretty disturbing.
The world started barren with two goddess ponies. One created the sun and the day, the other created the night and the moon. The ponies all played during the day and slept at night, which caused the night goddess pony to become angry, dubbing herself Night Mare and trying to destroy the world. The good pony created six power elements and used them to seal away Night Mare in the moon, taking over the duties of both, but Night Mare will be released when the starts align in such a way, which draws a Lovecraft/Cthulhu comparison.
Naturally, most of the ponies are content fools while the one that’s been studying the doomsday prophecy is written off as a bookworm.
Okay, I thought this thread was about somebody’s kid stealing a car or something. And I thought, isn’t Hal’s daughter about, what, five now? And, like, adorable? And then I started reading his post and thought she had stolen the pony toy. And then I thought he was going to take it away from her and hit her for some reason! A five-year-old! Whom he adores!
I’d say you could get even by showing her the egg trick, but it sounds like she already doesn’t trust you and might not cooperate. So you’ll just have to leave it with her being one up.
