Back when I was a teenager, we were all gathered at a family dinner (Thanksgiving I believe), and my younger cousin, who was about 6, was having trouble cutting a baked potato with her knife, because she was holding it upsidedown. My dad said to her “It’ll work better if you turn it over.” So she turned the potato over, and continued cutting with the knife upsidedown. We all cracked up.
Gary
Embarassing? You want embarassing? When my son was four he dressed up as Batman for halloween. We were just about done trick-or-treating (across the street) when we stopped at the new neighbor’s house. Very attractive single female. She had the middle section of the screen door removed to pass out the candy. As we approached the door, she squated down to hand my son a handful through the open section. My son asks, “Are you peeing?” Ugh!
Little kid’s prayers can be the funniest thing you’ll ever hear. One day, while I was working in the children’s church, a little boy was asked to pray for the offering. With all his little heart, he prayed this prayer: “Lord, thank you for this day, and please bless the offering…and…and…please help me poop out my marble.”
Adam
I have a cousin who said this when he was about 5 and had heard about a movie Liz Taylor had made. It was March 17. He came home from school and said to his mother, “Mommy, today’s Cleopatra’s birthday!”
“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge
Good boy, mommy!(he was 2). Putting on jacket and then “putting off” jacket, meaning taking off. “Jokies” was a word my son made up to explain wrinkled skin after a bath.
This one takes some setting up…My dad is an old-school chain smoker; my mom has a few half cigarettes a day (yes, I don’t know what she’s thinking either.) My husband and I don’t smoke, neither does my brother, his wife or anyone on their side of the family. At family gatherings my brother’s two-year-old (Carter) would run to the window to watch “pappaw” smoke his cigarette outside every half-hour or so. My sister-in-law reported that once when they were going to the grocery store Carter saw a cigarette butt floating in a puddle and shouted: “Pappaw!” (He’s also been known to pick up the TV remote and exclaim: “Daddy!”)
<font face=“arial” size=4>My younger brother, Tommy, pulled a real stupid one.At the age of 7 in his Sunday school class, he was told to draw a picture of something that came from God.
Each student came up to the front of the church , & told what he had drawn.
When asked “What did you draw? What thing did you draw that comes from God?” Tommy piped up in his twee little voice “GODZILLA”.
In front of the entire congregation.
That’s when I lost my alter boy status.
Ooh, he got a whippin’ when we got home! The little hooligan!</font>
Is an appreciation of beauty a function of the human soul?
My daughter, Justyne, lives with my parents. Mom and dad are ministers. So, with that in mind, one can easily deduce that she goes to church with them on Sundays.
Okay, here’s the thing. In our family, we are very direct when kids ask questions about private things, like gender differences. So, when Justyne was three she had just learned the difference about boys and girls because she asked.
That Sunday, she went to church. No big deal, she hadn’t really said anything about it since her question was answered. That was pretty typical.
After church was a social hour where parishoners have coffee and cookies and chat about the latest theological blah-dee-dah. Justyne was standing with mom as she greeted people in the fellowship hall when a 12-year-old boy walked in.
She turned to my mother and said, much to mom’s shock and dismay, “Nanny, he’s a boy. He has a PENIS! Does he pee from his PENIS?” Everyone in the room stopped to look. The boy turned and left the room and mom was humiliated. She apologized to her church members and whisked Justyne home to hang out with me so she could finish the fellowship hour.
I don’t know if the boy ever recovered…the treatments are progressing well, though.
“One evening I pulled Beauty down on my knees.
I found her embittered and I cursed her.”
–Excerpt from Une Saison en Enfer
–A. Rimbaud