Everyone keeps saying that they want to know that people like the gifts. Because if they didn’t they would let you know in the note right? Oh, wait. They won’t.
I can understand wanted to know that it arrived if it was mailed, but some of the other reasons just sound a bit snobby to me. But then I’m an ungrateful slob, so YMMV…
No idea about other mail services, but we can get recorded delivery for about 60p on top of the postage.
And how do you know they really did like it even if they do acknowledge it?
Maybe I won’t know. But at least I’ll know that they appreciated the time and effort enough to spend a tiny bit of time and effort of their own.
In a society where I receive mass-mailed, impersonal holiday cards that are nothing but bragging about vacations and pets/children, I wouldn’t hold my breath for a thank-you card.
In fact, if someone sent me a thank-you card, and I then got the Christmas form-letter from the same person, I’d be miffed about that.
Fortunately, the only people I exchange gifts with nowadays live in town, and the exchange is in person, so the thanks are in-person as well.
Question for those who see it as unnecessary to say “thank you” for a gift – do you ever say “thank you” for anything? If someone does a favor for you, do you say “thank you”? If someone pays you a compliment, do you say “thank you”? If someone lets you go in front of you in the grocery line because you only have a couple of items and they have a heaping cart, do you say “thank you”?
If not, WTF.
If so – why wouldn’t you thank someone who went to the trouble and expense to get you a gift?
I’m not insisting on a hand-written letter on fine stationery – I’m talking about an acknowlegement that the gift has been received, and perhaps an indication that whatever it was, it’s not something you are entitled to automatically.
Why is that so freakin’ bizarre of me?
I say thank you all the time, I have worked hard to get my kids (9 & 6) to say please and thank you. But then I do not think your expectations are bizarre, they just are not universal anymore. Even from this thread, I would say slightly less than half of Americans do not bother with thank yous anymore that are not verbal or Email.
I actually prefer Email, my Niece thanked me for her house warming gifts and asked a question in the Email and I ended going to several Yankees game with her because of the Email. A thank you note would not have been as timely.
Jim {Of course you probably were not addressing me in this post.}
I say thanks all the time. Thanks for opening the door for me, thanks for taking me to lunch, thanks for hanging out with me, thanks for calling, thanks for just about everything.
I like saying thanks when it’s unexpected because I like showing people that the little things they do are appreciated, even if a lot of people don’t notice them. So, maybe I just get all thank you’d out or something when my birthday or Christmas rolls around. Saying thanks to a person who isn’t expecting it is much more fulfilling than saying thanks to someone that’s demanding it.
When I was younger there was always another child named ‘zebra’ in my class. I would always sign “Zebra B” even on homemade mother’s day notes.
Maybe there are other Leahs in her class.
Or maybe her email is ‘signed’ automatically.
For me, it’s not about demanding it – despite all evidence to the contrary. 
I just don’t see any point in doing something nice for someone who can’t be bothered to say “thanks.”
Reading through the thread again, I realize no one’s actually saying it’s not necessary to say thanks – but damn, that’s totally the way it comes across.
At least we seem to be in agreement on one point – if the recipient feels burdened by the expectation that he or she should acknowlege that the giver did something, the giver is off the hook for doing anything in the future.
If you’re cool with that, I’m cool with not getting the “thank you.”
She’s 18.
:rolleyes:
Yep, I’m completely cool with that. Neither person should feel obligated to do something for the other.
Okay – with that detente reached, I’m outta here.
I’m going to be offline for a few days, so if someone wants to argue with me, it’ll have to wait.
There’s your problem. You’re not using a medium. I understand that Dionne Warwick is accepting new clients.
I’m okay about thank-you notes, but I am a bad dad because my kids are atrocious about it. A part of this is the lack of manners and that irks me because they have learned better but obviously not well enough and a part of it is the age they have grown up in.
People do not take pen in hand to write cards, notes, letters to keep up the family on new information and events. People dash off emails. I am not offended by an email thank-you note, just as I am not offended by e-mail birthday cards. What does chafe here is that it feels like she did it because she was prompted to do so. An email a few days after getting a gift, unprompted? Fine by me. A guilt-ridden note dashed off to appease a parent? Man… what a waste. I would know it came from guilt, not manners or gratitude. YMMV.
Cartooniverse
twickster, when you come back I want you to see that someone else agrees with you. You gave a VERY nice gift, and it should have been acknowledged with a handwritten thank-you note. At the very least, you should have received a chattier e-mail, more like a letter, asking you how you are, thanking you for the gift certificate, a line or two about what it might be used for, and maybe a little bit about her plans for the summer, etc. You know…real communication.
The point isn’t just that you spent 100 bucks (which is no small change…or shouldn’t be to an 18-year-old). The point is that you took the trouble to send it to her, but she couldn’t be bothered to take the trouble to show some appreciation that you were thinking of her.
I handwrite thank-you notes, on fairly decent paper with a real pen (i.e. not ball-point pen). My step-mother-in-law nearly fell out of her chair when she received one, thanking her for the lovely weekend at their home (which sucked, in reality, but I was pretty gracious about the thanks).
I was raised to believe it’s just mannerly, no matter how much you hated the gift/weekend/vacation. E-mail is too easy, and a phone call to say you received the birthday check (or card, or plastic dinosaur, or whatever) is required, as is the follow-up thank-you note.
I don’t think anyone demands a thank-you note; it’s merely courtesy. If someone is generous enough to send you a gift, you should be gracious enough to thank them properly.
What, then, a fountain pen? A quill? What difference does it make anyway? I use ball-point pens, but I keep them in an authentic Dundee marmalade jar. So nyah.
Anecdote: My cousin’s wedding was well-attended, which resulted in just short of 400 gifts to acknowledge, plus a few dozen shower gifts. She and her new husband handled the thank-you notes very efficiently, I thought. Her sister, the MOH, had catalogued each gift as it came in, with the giver’s name. “Mike” and “Carol” then divided the note-writing according to whose side gave what. She thanked his people and he thanked hers, on the grounds that each of them wanted to start off on the right foot with these people. Then they did a kind of vertical method. First, all the salutations. Then all the “Thank you for the widget; it’s just the right color/we’ll use it for such-and-such/it’s lovely.” Then a short para for each about what they did on their honeymoon or how much they enjoyed seeing them at the reception. Then all the signatures. Done and done!
I don’t know if they used “real pens”, though.
People still send thank-you notes? I’ve never given or received one in my life. This thread now has my mind racing wondering how many people I’ve inadvertently pissed off :S
I often suspect that accusations of “snobbishness,” “uptightness,” “elitism,” and the like are used to excuse laziness and poor manners (frequently euphemized as being “laid back,” etc.).
My baby shower was 2 1/2 weeks ago, and while I have a few thank yous written out, I still need to get addresses from my mother (I had an address book with all of these addresses in it, but that seems to have disappeared). And then I need to finish the rest of the thank yous.
I’m hoping they won’t think I’m rude and just chalk it up to being exhausted - I plan to have them all out by this weekend. (I had all of my bridal shower thank yous out within a week, so I feel like I kind of set the wrong standard there…).
Five months isn’t so bad :).
E.
I sent my nephew a small gift for his graduation. His parents and I are not close and I actually had thought about not sending anything. They sent an announcement that he had graduated, but no invitiation to the party. I wouldn’t have gone mind you, but I thought that if they wanted a gift they could at least dance the dance.
In the end I decided to send him a gift. He isn’t responsible for the rift between me and his parents.
I was surprised that a few weeks late I got a hand-written note.
Good for him.