Kids vs Teachers (Totally Pointless, answer anyway)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

A side note before I get started: I think that a lot of kids at that age have the teachers=menancing overlord complex at that age. Most kids will either bond strongly with a teacher or absolutely hate them. So maybe it would depend on student/teacher relationships.

Now, Happy Scrappy Hero Pup:
Kids can be strong. My mom works at a school where they have behaviour disorder programs and some times those kids go into places where they can not be brought back for some time, where they are so out of control they have to be physically restrained. These are your average strength and size kids who just so happen to be quarky. Anyways, it sometimes takes up to three adults to restrain them. Something to consider.

Some kids are not quite aware of death at that age as adults are. With violence and death on video games, TV, the movies, and other outlets some kids do not quite get the importance of death. Sure, some of the more mature or older would, but a lot of kindergarteners wouldn’t think of Jennies death as anything more than you being a big mean poo head. They may even think of it as funny (I think of it as funny and I am a little past being that age!).

[Those two I stated above are to add unpredicability to the kids in the situation.]

Now, my direct retort: I think that is a great age to brainwash kids. You could tell them just about anything and they would believe it. Sure, this could work in your favor, but not if it worked in the kids favor first. I think you could brainwash kids to believe something like: “The teachers are using kids for cafeteria food. First, they try to bribe you so that you will be their friends. Then, when you least expect it, they drug you and give the remains to the cooks which turn it into lunch. If we tell our parents they won’t believe us. We have to stop them before they get us!” That may sound crazy to you but believe me there are ways to prove it to kids. If I was a kid aware of this assualt I would gladly knock the force down to 399 just to prove a point. A carefully placed arm under a freezer door, a toe in someones chilly… they would believe it. Then, whenever you would bribe them, they may or may not attack. They would probably be scared, actually. That is when someone like me in that age would yell “you killed our friends and you used it for nachos and chilli!” which would lead to a huge yelling fest. I am sure that if this sceneario allows children killing adults and adults killing children, throwing a chair at a teacher would lead into a chain reaction of hurling objects.

That is honestly something I would think about at that age. I read many, many, many books.

You could train them to even be little guerillas. How to disapear in ceiling tiles, how to use tables and desks for shields, how to help your brother and fight beside him. I think it could very easily be titled in the kid’s direction.

I just thought of something though: are we assuming time to train/brain wash? If it was a sudden uprising adults could very easily crush a bunch of kids. I really doubt kids would attack in the first place if they were not trained to do so. If, however, we assume this fight happens after a duration of a school year or less, and that the kids would be willing to fight to draw blood and the teachers the same, I still hold that it would be children all the way.

22

I used my gang to steal tricycle parts and dodgeballs then sold them on the black market to raise the funds.

23

Most of the first graders could be taken out with a P.A. announcement that if they didn’t return to their desks, the principal was going to call Santa on their asses.

24

I am glad I opened this thread. I giggled and giggled merely from the premise. Not what I was expecting.

Kids win without a doubt. People predicting the teachers win are forgetting just how big 5th grade boys can be, and how mean all ages of kids can be. It only takes a few dozen of the bigger kids to neutralize the teachers’ size advantage.

25

Nope. It would have to be a human-wave, no thought for those who fall, banzai-charge attack for the kids to win. Teachers have too much suppressed hostility…let it burst forth, and you will have a blood-bath.

Plus, teachers have access to more improvised munitions. One supply cabinet, and you have the makings of all sorts of chemical weapons. One janitor’s closet and you have napalm.

“We had to destroy 3rd Grade in order to save it.”
:smiley:

26

Your school janitor stores gasoline in his supply cabinet? Fire Department would be a little annoyed about that!

27

Jeez, **BoringDad, ** pick a side already.

The kids couldn’t plan this thing ahead of time. No group of kids can keep a secret that long. Even if it’s a week in advance (which you’d likely need in order to marshal your forces or make some kind of plan), that’s five days too long for even fifth-graders. You can’t have a secret, unified front across that great an age range as well. Who are your secret captains of the kindergarten and first-grade classes? How are they going to stay true to the ideal and/or maintain unit integrity? Where are the lines of communication? A planned mass uprising is impossible. A spontaneous one will not enjoy enough participation to be successful.

How to keep the kids in line? PAIN. Grab the ringleader or the popular girl or both. Start breaking fingers. After about three, tell them that you can make the pain go away if they call it all off.

Crucify one of them. Set one of them ablaze and throw him toward the ringleaders.

At the end of the day, it’s all about logistics. Even if they win, we adults have reinforcements. Like the whole damn world. Fine, kiddies. You’ve taken the school. What now? What are your demands? Where will you go? How do you propose to build on your victory when you have no supply lines and around ten percent of your troops (say, half the kindergarten and first-grade classes) are still borderline incontinent?

28

Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, there are no reinforcements on any side. 400 vs. 50, the numbers set by the OP.

The OP did not state what kind of fighting we are going to have. It doesn’t say whether it will be planned or if it will be an uprising. That is what it now is based on I would say.

What is it STARTS?

Can we do this sometime? This is really sounding fun…

29

I meant reinforcements in the sense that even if the kids won, what next?

But yes, I think we need to know how it all goes down. Is it a spontaneous mass uprising? Is it planned by Stewie? Have the kids just had enough of diagramming sentences?

You started the game, START. Let’s have some parameters.

30

Where do you teach?

31

Kids are not going to attack in waves. They just won’t. Their 5th grade minds (and that’s the oldest ones) couldn’t get around the idea of attacking adults. Have they ever? Nope. Will they attack their teachers, the people that determine if they’ll be going to the next grade? Nope.

But lets say they do. A bunch of waist high 10 year olds will take out Mrs. Kerbopple but a pissed off Skinner will just be swinging his fists at anyone under the age of 15 that comes near. After the first kid hits the floor and goes out cold the rest will scatter. Fifth graders have never been in a real fight, and the few that might’ve would’ve never fought against anyone bigger than them. Imagine you’re in fifth grade and your principal, the guy with the funny sounding voice that makes boring announcements about the lunch menu, is out for blood. I wouldn’t want to know what made him snap, but I’d be running the other direction. Any kid that is daring enough to take center stage after that would be playing dodgeball… as the ball.

It’d be more interesting than geography, though…

32

All these responses are great they have got me laughing :smiley:
Anyway honestly I was envisioning this, all the kids are angry and lined up on a field and all the teachers are also lined up and someone would say “charge” and they would run toward each other and START fighting.

33

You mean “Kids win without a doubt” doesn’t count as picking sides? I’d better brush up on my English.

And if one is going to make arguments along the lines of “The kids wouldn’t attack in waves” or “Young kids would be scared away” etc, I think that one better do a little reality check. Kids also would not start a mass uprising to take out the teachers. We are dealing with entertaining hypotheticals. In my entertaining hypothetical world, everyone fights willingly, and my elementary army has no cowards. Onward ran the 400!

34

Ever notice how sharp a compass tip is? :eek:

Most teacher seemed to be out-of-shape phonies when I was a kid. As I recall, there were one or two larger kids that could have taken out a smaller teacher mano a mano before they were 12.

45 minutes 'til Lord Of The Flies, people…

35

You will not use my glasses to start a fire!

36

From an old Mad magazine parody:

If he comes at you with a hand, you answer with a fist.

If he comes at you with a fist, you answer with a club.

If he comes at you with a club, you answer with a knife.

If he comes at you with a knife, you answer with a gun.

If he comes at you with a gun, you answer with your feet. . . and run like a mother!!!

37

Let me begin by stating my sister & her husband are both teachers. I socialize with many of their associates regularly. Those little brats don’t stand a chance.

Remember, these children were not raised like we were. They have “Time outs”, not actual physical punishments. Smack the little ones a few times & they’ll be crying so hard they won’t be much help to the older ones.

As for the older ones… if you take out the leaders the followers will fall. My sister may only be 5’2" and 110, but tick her off & she’ll decapitate you with her metal edged ruler. Her students actually fear her like a monster that lurks under the bed. (When she went on maternity leave the principal jokingly asked her to pre-record some random messages that could be played over the schools broadcast system incase the monsters gave the sub a hard time.)

If she can settle a class down with a threat over the PA system can you imagine the kind of paralizing fear she could instill with the bloody death of the fifth-grade bully?

Also, teachers are bitter angry people. They get paid crap wages to raise other peoples children, but aren’t allowed to dicipline them. This would be the perfect chance to beat some manners and respect into the little buggers.

38

For a number of years Mrs. Kunilou taught high school age youth. At 5’4" she was shorter than nearly all of them.

Because she’s Asian-American and she looks Asian, at least one smartass in every class would ask her if she knew kung-fu/karate/judo/etc.

She would sweetly answer “Just enough to kill you.”

Mrs. Kunilou was noted for having relatively few discipline problems.

39

The problem with all these “My relative is a teacher and she/he scares the living crap outta her students” posts is that the students are probably only afraid of her power in the school system. It’s true that teachers can control just about every aspect of a student’s day to day life, but once you throw out the rule book and students no longer have anything to lose (IE recess, lack of detention, etc…), I think they would fight with all the desperation and vigor of that of a man who has nothing to lose.

Besides, you keep people pinned down under an iron hand for long enough and you’re bound to get some kind of revolt. It’s happened all throughout history, and if there’s anything history does - it repeats itself.

It’s a matter of time, teachers. A matter of time.

40

Part of this depends on how we define the arena of battle. If the entire school is used, the kids have an advantage in being able to run and hide and plan sneak attacks. On the other hand, teachers are smarter and can set traps, take prisoners and torture them for intelligence and generally outsmart their way to victory. it would take a while but I think the teachers would prevail in a schoolwide arena with full access to the facilities and the snacks.

If, as the OP envisions, we’re talking about a straight up hand to hand battle on the soccer field or in the gym. I would give it to kids. Numbers work in their favor in the initial onslaught. The kids would take casualties, to be sure, but if they’re smart, they’ll send the k-2 kids to swarm in the first wave, and send the big kids in to mop up. I have worked in elementary schools and I tell you some people are really underestimating both the cunning and the viciousness of your average punk fifth grader. Some of them are also quite large and physically strong. There would be at least a few kids who would be capable of taking out some old lady teachers one-on-one.

Kids would also have more stamina and endurance in a sustained battle. Most of the adults would run out of steam after about ten minutes, especially the smokers. When you’re winded, you’re weak, and don’t think the Nelsons in the school won’t sniff out the wounded and pounce without mercy.

Kids would sustain heavy losses, maybe all of the K-3 kids, but they would outlast the adults in a single pitched battle.
I just want to say that this is one of the greatest “who would win” threads I’ve seen in a while