…What I want with it once I’ve got it is my business.
The problems, it would seem, are threefold…1) A specific zombie must be found, and brought back “alive” and (relatively) undamaged to my lab. 2) The zombie doesn’t want to be captured. It wants to kill and eat humans, and their sweet, chewy, brains. Plus, a zombie’s bite will either turn a human into a zombie, or at the very least lay them out near death with a raging staph infection (Zombies don’t brush their teeth. And they’re corpses). 3) The zombie’s got company. Civilization hasn’t fallen, but there’s a good sized gaggle of zombies running—well, shambling around the town.
Not to mention the question of the operational budget…
Get a large net and then send Shaggy and Scooby down to lure the zombie under the net. Once the zombie is in position you pull the lever and drop the net on the zombie.
But don’t be sprised if it turns out to be old man Wilks in a mask and not a real zombie.
See now, in order to capture a zombie, you need to buy 9341 metres of fuschia pink yarn and a crochet hook. Now sit yourself down in a straightback chair made of old oak. Start crocheting and continue non-stop till the yarn runs out. I assure you that you’ll be a zombie by the time you’re through. Voila! Zombie captured!
When you say undamaged, that means all limbs must still be attached? Really? Damn.
Get it to shamble into a trap filled with quick drying cement. Once it’s in a solid block of concrete up to its neck he’s trapped and you can cart it away in your folklift truck at your leisure. Simple.
First, cordon off the area. No zombies get in, no zombies get out. Proceed to kill all zombies that aren’t the one you want in a variety of low-collateral-damage ways. When you’re down to a few, start setting snare traps baited with brains.
I suppose electric shocks would immobilize them; they still use muscles to move around, and they would likely spasm as much or more than a live human’s muscles.
Haven’t you seen Day of the Dead? They show you exactly how to do it – you build a “gate” in the wall separating you from the zombies, so you can let one into a tight, fenced-in area. They’ll rush in right away in the hopes of getting a bite of you. You shut the door, trapping that one zombie in an enclosed space, and use ropes on the ends of stick and other such long-distance stuff to secure them.
Be sure to hear HEAVY gloves and protective clothing.
Tranks don’t work; blood doesn’t circulate. The film “Dawn Of The Dead” does cover zombie capture procedures fairly well, though, although I would recommend some VERY good protective gear if you’re going to be doing it yourself.
The incredibly disgusting short story anthology “Book Of The Dead” also includes a variety of methods for capturing and rendering harmless the walking dead (removing hands and teeth, for example).
OK, you find a person you really don’t like a lot, a van with the rear compartment sealed off from the cab, and come up with some pretext for a van ride to the most zombie-infested part of town. Park the van in a place where zombies will be sure to find it. Get out of the van with your companion, open the rear door and ask him/her to get something out that isn’t actually in there, so they will spend a lot of time rummaging through whatever equipment you have in there looking for the nonexistent item. Make sure the rear door is open and remove yourself to a place of concealment and wait. Shortly a zombie will come shambling up and enter the van to grab an easy meal. Quickly run out of your hiding place, slam the door shut and padlock it from the outside. Voila. Zombie captured.
How to get the zombie out of the van once you’ve gotten it back to your, ah, facility…
Of course, if you’re looking for a specific zombie, you would have to take your “friend” to an area the zombie in question is known to frequent. Since zombies are very much creatures of habit, a favorite shopping mall, or better still the former person’s former residence would be a good place. Make sure that the desired zombie is, in fact, in the area and doesn’t have too much company, then proceed with the above plan.
A zombie cannot be bound. It will rip itself apart trying to escape.
But you can randomize the zombie’s energy output, and hence restrain it into a relatively small space. The best method utilizes traditional lawn rakes, laid tines up, in a wide circle around the zombie. The zombie steps on the tines, is smacked sharply on the forehead by the rake handle, and staggers off in a new direction. Repeat.
You can then direct the zombie toward new victims by laying a corridor surrounded by rakes in the appropriate direction.
Leave Rob Zombie alone! What’s he ever done to you?
Oh, those zombies…Shoot, I even wrote a short story about a guy capturing things like this, but it was so long ago. Hmmmm…Just don’t give it any salt. It’ll wake up and realize it’s a zombie, and then it’ll be pissed.
If I can find the story, I’ll let you know more details.
