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male 45
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Only about 15 which sucks because the majority of my relationships have begun via hookup in a bar and since I need to avoid alcohol, bars are out of play now.
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About 18 months.
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I’m always up for a kiss on the first date but I need a fairly strong signal from her that it won’t be rejected.
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Even if I don’t think a second date is likely, I’m still inclined to give a peck on the cheek.
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I almost always let the woman lead with the tongue action. I never want to come across as too aggressive.
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Hmm. I don’t think I ever went further than second base on a first date. Hookups at a bar? Completely different story.
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Only once, we did the cuddle thing until morning.
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I guess I usually have initiated it, I think I’m fairly perceptive if a woman wants to be kissed, at least a kiss has never been rejected that I remember.
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Always at the doorstep, this gives the woman an opening to invite me in if she chooses.
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I’ve never rejected a first date kiss, I mean how bad can it be?
[ol]
[li]Age and gender[/li]33, female
[li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li]Sheesh. 15? 20? Not sure.
[li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li]About four years now.
[li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li]Nope.
[li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li]Nope.
[li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li]Only once.
[li]Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date[/li]Yeah, and I married him. Hi, honey!
[li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li]Yes. Talked all night, no kissing.
[li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li]Sure did. Current husband.
[li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li]I did with this one. I jumped him while he was talking, in the middle of a restaurant. I was mesmerized by his bottom lip.
[li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li]See above.
[li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li]An oldie but a goodie, the friend-hug!
[/ol]
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Age and gender
30, female-
Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life
3? Maybe 4. Not too into relationships. -
How long it’s been since you were on a first date
Almost two years. -
Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date
If I had fun and feel attracted them, yeah. -
Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)
No way. I have a hard enough time turning someone down for a date without confusing them with a kiss. -
Tongue or not? What factors play into that?
Uhh no. Not first date normally. Just me being prudish. Ignore the irony of the next question. -
Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date
Yes. Just once. Wasn’t impressed. -
Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning
Yup. See above. -
If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date
Not in one.
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Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss
Never. -
If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)
See above. -
If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?
Hmm never had that happen so dunno.
Age and gender:
Female, straight, 39
Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life.
Maybe 25 or 30? I tend to be in either a LTR or no R. I’m not very good at casual dating.
How long it’s been since you were on a first date:
Many moons. If I think too hard about it, I’ll be opening a bottle of wine for some solo drinking, which is not a good idea because I have to work tomorrow. Say no more.
Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date:
Eh. If I’m into the guy I’ll lean in for a kiss at the end of the night. If he initiates I will probably acquiesce so he doesn’t feel bad, assuming he’s not truly objectionable. But kissing as an on-going thing, during the course of the date? No.
Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)
I am not above a a good-night kiss if it is offered, regardless of how I feel about the guy. Evading seems rude if not done with finesse, and I don’t have that level of finesse. A relatively short kiss, though.
Tongue or not? What factors play into that?
Lord, no. If I have my tongue in your mouth, or vice versa, I’m a sure thing. I don’t have sex on the first date. Usually.
Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date:
See, in my mind, there is a distinction between a “date” and a “hook-up,” what used to be called a one-night-stand. Have I ever met a guy and then gone home with him? Yeah, but exceedingly rarely, and only when drunk. Even if those encounters started out as a “date,” they didn’t end that way in my mind. Paradoxically, if I’m interested in a guy I’m not putting out right away because I want to let the relationship build. If I don’t really care about the guy, he’s physically attractive, the attraction seems mutual, and I’m liquored up, I might go home with him, but I’m highly unlikely to see him again.
Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning:
I’ve been up until 3 a.m. talking with a guy I really liked. If you mean “lasted until the next morning” in the sense of “sleeping together” then “no.”
If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date:
Not currently in one, but I’ve kissed the guy on the vast majority of first dates I’ve been on.
Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss:
Rarely, but I have.
If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)
I’m not really amenable to a kiss that isn’t a goodnight kiss on the first date. Moving to kissing during a first date is moving too fast for me. It feels presumptuous.
If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?
Submission, followed by breaking the kiss and stepping back if he seems inclined to commence making out.
Hmm. My experience is different. I don’t kiss on first dates. Not as any sort of real rule, but it just keeps the date more relaxed and easygoing for me when I’m not wondering towards the end, during that awkward moment, “do I kiss, don’t I kiss?” I leave kisses for second date or beyond. Haven’t noticed anybody take offense to that. In fact, I’d find it very odd if a date did take offense to that.
If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?
If the first date I had last night is any indication, another effective defensive maneuver is the ol’ “wave goodbye while standing five feet away and affably agreeing that maybe sometime we could get together again to do something unspecified to be determined at an ambiguous point in the future” play.
Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end of that one. :smack:
I’ll answer my own questions, too.
Age and gender
Just turned 33. As my recent MPSIMS photo thread should amply demonstrate, I’m male.
Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life
Hundreds and hundreds. Maybe I should start an “Ask the guy with far too much dating experience” thread.
How long it’s been since you were on a first date
Less than twenty-four hours. Last one before that was five days ago.
Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date
Absolutely, if I find them interesting and attractive. I’m not awesome at reading signals, so if I’ve enjoyed the date and we don’t end up kissing at the end, I’ll definitely feel disappointed, since I’ll take it as an indication of lack of interest on her part. Even though I know from past experience that this isn’t necessarily true. But my lot in life is to get caught up in my head and to feel everything way too deeply, so that’s par for the course.
Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)
If I find them attractive, I’ll definitely kiss them even if I’m not interested in seeing them again, although I probably won’t initiate it. And as long as I’m not physically repulsed by them, I’ll generally still kiss them if they make a move. Along the lines of what several people have said in this thread, I know how much it sucks to get rejected, so I’m perfectly happy to return their kiss and make them feel good in the short term, even if it means that they feel worse later on. Maybe that makes me a bad person. And I won’t go further than making out in that situation, for sure.
Tongue or not? What factors play into that?
Definitely tongue, but in moderation. Kissing is so much fun. When combined with cuddling, damned if it’s not better than sex, or close.
Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date
Yeah, a few times.
Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning
Yeah, a few times. With one woman in particular, each of our first five dates ended up with me staying over at her place. As an aside, that relationship is one of a half-dozen or so that will always, always stay with me for the combination of how well we got along and how prematurely it seemed to end.
If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date
Not currently in a relationship, but my last two both involved first date kisses. In one, we went to dinner with some friends, then a party, then a bar, and I kissed her outside her and her roommate’s apartment after walking them home. In the other, we had dinner, went for a long walk, and ultimately ended up at a bar for a few hours, where we kissed. I can think of at least two prior relationships that didn’t begin with a first date kiss, though.
Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss
Yeah, unless I’m not attracted to her (or unless she’s really drunk, I guess, but I don’t remember that being an issue on a first date before).
If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances?
I love the preemptive goodnight kiss; it can be really nice, and it definitely takes the pressure off the rest of the evening. It’s also cool because it’s not coming at the “expected” time, so if she kisses back, it’s more likely that she’s interested. I think there’s an art to knowing when it might be okay to do it, though, because otherwise you just seem awkward.
My little brother has what I still contend is an extremely smooth, if off-the-wall, way of making this happen. He does this not only on first dates, but when he’s out with a group of friends and has been flirting with one of the girls. (I suspect it only works with people who were already predisposed to kiss you at some point during the evening, of course.) He’s this innocent-faced charmer, taller than I am (I’m 6’2"), and what he does is this: First he picks a point in the evening, whether at the bar/restaurant or while walking down the street, when the two of them are relatively alone and there’s a lull in the conversation. Then he says to the girl, “I want to show you something.” When she expresses interest, he holds out one of his hands, palm up, and says, “Give me your hand.” Assuming she does, he holds out his other hand, palm up, and says, “Give me your other hand.” Assuming she does this as well, he looks her in the eyes, smiles, and says, matter-of-factly and with a shrug of his shoulders, “Now you gotta kiss me.” Apparently the standard reaction is for the girl to laugh and blush and demur…and then kiss him five or ten minutes later when no one is looking.
Anyway.
If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?
Keeping my distance works well (I’ve learned from the people who use it against me, as in my last post in this thread), as does keeping up a steady stream of friendly conversation so they don’t get the opportunity. But being the guy, it’s rare that the woman will try to initiate a first date kiss. And being probably too picky for my own good, it’s rare that I don’t want to kiss the women I’m on a first date with.
Anyone else? It’s funny that this thread is so male-dominated; I was hoping for a good range of female perspectives. (Although I really appreciate everyone who’s responded so far; it’s been really interesting to see what people’s history is in this regard.)
Huh?
“I don’t kiss on the first date. I will, however, happily make out with someone in a “hook-up” capacity at a party or wherever if it’s not a date.”
Makes me not want to date her, but certainly go to parties with her.
I dunno; a lot of people in this thread have drawn the date/hookup dichotomy in some way or another. I think it’s valid.