I once had a boss who beccame obsessive compulsive (During a spiral into a nervous breakdown)…
He would actually use drafting software to design maps of what my desk had to look like. (The Stapler is to be placed pararel to the left edge of the desk, exactly 3 inches away, with the hinge end 2 inches away from the front edge of the desk… the list when on for 2 pages, (including number and length of pencils to be kept sharpened in left hand drawer). I won’t say that I am a slob, but I do believe in the veracity of Albert Einstein’s quip “If a messy desk is a sign of a disorganised mind, then what is indicated by an empty desk?”. (Nit pickers: please note, quote is from memory and may not be entirely accurate)
I told him, one day “Chris, when you die and go to hell, it will be a place where everything is perfect, and you will have nothing to bitch about!”
I think that would be a nice place to send ALL Nit Pickers…
Censors, and Broadcast Standards and Practices people will be allowed out of Hell—once they’ve all completed building a colossal monument to the arts, to the aesthetic approval of the managment.
Said monument spans the circumferance of Hell at the circle’s level—roughly the size of the Moon’s orbit around the Earth—and is to be constructed out of congealed blood, sweat and tears; human air, and millipede-infested excrement.
Workers have the option of performing their task while blinded and partially deaf, or while partially hamstrung and with one hand fused to their spine.
Conventional spoken languages are not permitted among inmates—verbal and/or signed communication will have to be through a mixture of metaphors and allusions.
Hows dat, boss?
I’d like an entirely new level created just for people who talk at the movies. Their punishment would include being followed around by a grotesque demon who consists solely of a huge mouth on stumpy little legs and who constantly bellows inanities and stupid pointless observations in their ear for all eternity.
I’d also like to create a new level for those callous bastards who are either too self-important or too cold-hearted to stop and help fellow human beings who are in distress or in dire need. I condemn them to an eternity of cowering and whimpering on a cold and filthy floor while being repeatedly kicked and pummeled by a gang of sniggering, jack-booted skinheaded demons as crowds of faceless strangers walk past, ignoring their cries and never lifting a finger to help.