Know any punch lines to famous dirty jokes?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

How could I have forgotten the immortal “corn on the cob” joke?

“While you’ve been in there screwing your brains out all night, I’ve been out here on the porch, eating hot buttered corn on the cob!”

Peaches: There’s this old lady, and one day her fairy godmother appears and says, “I’m going to grant you three wishes.” So the old lady says, “Okay, for my first wish, I want to be fabulously wealthy.” The fairy godmother waves her magic wand and poof! the old lady is richer than Bill Gates.

“For my second wish,” she says, “I want to be young and beautiful again.” “Fine,” says the fairy godmother. Poof! the old lady is young and gorgeous.

“Now all I need is a handsome prince,” she tells the fairy godmother. “For my third wish, I want you to change my cat here into a handsome prince.” Poof! immediately the cat becomes a handsome prince, and he looks at her and says…

42

Don’t step in the umgauwa!

43

…If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need you to sell me a vibrator.

…I don’t care if I wake the whole damn hotel with my pounding- it’s my first erection in years and both hands have fallen asleep.

…If you’re her husband, who’s that watching us in the closet?

44

As the door latched behind him, he read the sign: “You’ve just gotten screwed at Porky’s”

It was *supposed *to be porno- see, the package says Head Cleaner.

45

This is one of the coolest I’ve ever seen. My compliments to the Fonz!

(I know most of these jokes- I read at least half of them in playboy)

“That’s not a bagpipe, but don’t stop playing”

“…But you fuck one goat…”

“[spread arms out wide] …She heard there was a man there hung like that!”

“Wait! You’ve got them on the wrong feet!”

"So they don’t leave little snail trails.

“Guess that answers that question.”

(Elementary school fave) “I AM Blueberry Hill.”

“Are you guys all on the same team?”

46

The moral of the story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks.

I told you it’s just like a baby…8lbs, 4 ozs.

47

You oughtta be here when he makes donuts.

48

“Yeah, but Chunks is the dog’s name.”

49

…Don’t be absurd, when I said it was like a melon, I wasn’t talking size, I was talking flavor.

50

And the pickle slicer was fired, too.

51

St. Peter said, “Fine.” And he turned to a flunky and said, “Show her to my room.”

52

“Go ahead, it’s your cow!”

“Sheep lie!”

53

…If those aren’t real diamonds, then I’ve been raped!

54

Sure I trust you, Adam, but I’d still like to count your ribs.

55

so there I was, hiding in this refridgerator…

cause ol’ Wong-Fu doesn’t go for that shit either.

Damn, baby, I don’t think I can take 67 more of those.

You were an eight, till you pissed on me.

Well dad, are you gonna tell mom, or do you want me to?

56

Tho am I, thweetie, but it thure was fun!

Oh no, I’d much rather be in the front seat with you…

Well ya don’t expect a fella with one leg to go ‘n’ catcha 'roo, d’ya?

Well, wherever I was, I took first place!

57

**…the genie said he’d thank me with one wish and I said, “No shit!”

58

Your brother is coming too.
Because he can.
He shit in my pants too.

59

Well, couldn’t I just leave my pants, instead?

60

…I don’t know what you mean Monsieur - Esprix means somezing else entirely!