I’m not talking about (perceived or real) ideological differences regarding the war on Iraq, or war in general; I mean, would you marry someone knowing the risks inherent in his/her job as military personnel?
Do you think your answer would differ depending upon whether or not you yourself are in the military?
Depending upon whether or not you have or plan to have children?
I’m just curious.
I say there’s no accounting for the things you’ll do in the name of love, but emotions aside, I’d be highly reluctant to marry a person in the military.
Frankly though, I think it’s not so much about the danger involved (though the danger IS a HUGE consideration, I wouldn’t have a problem marrying, say, a fireman) as it is about the possibility of my husband being taken far, far away from me. I wouldn’t even want that under other circumstances (say, he gets a great job in Alaska, but I have to stay behind until the house is sold, and/or until I land an ice-fishing job up there), so long absences AND danger?
I was married to someone in the military. What broke us apart was not the danger that he might have been in while deployed (went through that), but the fact that military lifestyle by its very definition kept us apart too often.
So what would make me hesitate getting involved with someone in the military is the lifestyle itself, not the threat of danger. While that would be offputting, and could potentially put you through a living nightmare, I don’t view it as the dealbreaker.
In short, I guess I agree with you. It’s a long way from CA to RI. Or from CA to the Persian Gulf, for that matter. Been there, done that, have the divorce papers. It’s a tough way of life, and I have the utmost respect for military families who can deal with it and keep it together.
I knew the risks when I married him and I’d do it all over again.
I was not planning to marry anyone till I was 30 or 35. He met my Hubby when I was 24. It was whirlwind kind of thing, just having fun till he went into the Navy in a month or two . I figured life would go back to normal after he left. Despite his protestations of love I told him to go see the world and get back to me in 4 or 5 years. Didn’t happen that way. While we were apart neither of us dated or slept with anyone. Seven months after he left we got married. I knew I would never find another man like him, ever, and I couldn’t let him get away.
Truth be told, it was those marriage damaging times apart that saved our marriage. Neither of us was really ready to be married. We both had a lot of growing up to do and we needed to really get to know each other. If he’d had shore duty when we married I can’t be sure what we’d be like today.
We had a few bumps his first shore duty but nothing serious. We were still adjusting to spending extended time together, I had to make a few road trips home to see the family just to give us a break.
Many years later…When this shore duty is up next year, it will be the longest amount of time we’ve spent together in 17 years. Six years of togetherness. Now that we’re used to each other the separation will be a little rough but we’ll deal with it.
The underways were tough but you get into a mind-set and get on with your life. (And we saved enough money for me to fly to see him in Rome.)
We don’t have kids, didn’t want them. And I could never be in the military, I have a problem with raised voices.
Well, currently I am in ROTC myself, and I wouldn’t have any problems with marrying someone else in the military. Would prefer she come from the same service though.
I wouldn’t marry someone in the military. It’s not just the danger issue, though. Based on everything I’ve heard, it can be incredibly hard for military spouses to build careers/friendships/lives outside of the military. This applies most to spouses who follow their military mates from base to base, and, obviously, YMMV. I’d be worried that the marriage wouldn’t feel like an equal partnership.
Plus, when I get married, I want my husband’s first priority to be to our family, not the government.
I don’t think it would matter whether or not I was in the military, as I would never join.
Whether or not we would have children wouldn’t change my answer - I don’t know myself if I really want kids or not, and I think I’m too young and not in the place in my life where I need to be to decide that.
I think it wouldn’t be possible for me to put my emotions aside. Maybe I’m just young and have romantic notions, but. . . love IS emotion. . . isn’t it? I dunno. Probably just me.
Long deployments would be damn hard, I’m sure. But you do what you gotta. Moving from base to base, well, I don’t want a life where I feel like I can’t leave things if I want to, so that definitely wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. I guess I feel like life is what you make of it, and anything can ruin things if you let it.
Also, both of my grandfathers, my father, an uncle, an aunt, and several of my cousins were in the military. Knowing they could be sent off at any time was just a way of life. Not always a wonderful thing to think about, but that’s just the way it was.
I am married to a man in the Army. I grew up the daughter of an Army officer. I’ve only dated one man who wasn’t military in my life and I had a hard time with it because he wasn’t like the other men in my life. I was an 18 year old new bride during the first Gulf War and my husband was sent over there for 10 months. I knew when I married my current husband what might happen and I never thought twice about the risks. I have two small children and we just re-located to Kansas about 3 months ago. Before that I spent a year on my own while he was in Korea and we were deciding if it was worth getting back together. I don’t mind moving every other year or so, I don’t mind picking up and moving on and saying good-bye to friends. I seem to make deeper bonds with people because I realize how precious time together is. My husband has been away for the last two weeks, tomorrow he’ll come home for a week then go away for another two weeks. That doesn’t bother me. I love him and he’ll come home to me when he can. I know that his job is important to him but our family does come first. I think it’s the man that you have to put faith and trust in, not the job. If you love him enough, you can deal with anything.
In fact the guy I’m in love with is trying to get back into the army (clearing up debts and stuff) If I could marry him I would, but considering everything I probably won’t (not gonna get into my complicated relationship with my best friend/roomie/lover here as that would be a total hijack) but yes. I would.
As a shyer person it takes a little for me to make friends, but I’m also more self reliant. So moving around wouldn’t bother me much, I want to move around anyway and see the world.
Police or Fireman? No. Militarymen/women only have to worry about being killed in a war (or horrible freak accident). A police/fireman/woman could get killed every damn day from nearly the minute they set foot outside the door. My hat is off to them, but I could not handle that in a spousal situation. I would be wringing my hanky from dawn to dusk!
Although when you think about it…any one of us could get killed from the minute we set foot outside our doors. Which is why I try not to think about it!
