Chris(my husband) and I have been semi-seriously considering enlisting him in either the Navy or Air Force. He is currently a junior at University of Central Florida, majoring in Computer Engineering. He and I are in moderate debt with credit cards and not planning on starting a family for several years to come.
Our major concerns are wether he can handle basic training. Which I don’t think will be a huge problem. He isn’t really overweight (just a little college beer belly) and he has been marching bands for 6 years as a trombone player, (he definitly knows how to march) which is a lot of hot exercise in the hot florida sun.
Our other main concern is wether he and I can stand to be apart for many weeks on end. I go stir crazy when he is gone for more than a day. We are leeches to one another. we work together, live together, and hang out together. I dont’ know wether I could live 9 weeks without him. (for basic training)
But He will get the experience he needs through the military, and if he enjoys it he could retire by 45 with a pension. We don’t really have any commitments except for one dog and one bird. And I have a kinda crappy job.
What are your experiences and would you recommend him joining? Any military wives out there who can tell me how to cope without my hubby? Is the basic training very hard? Should he finish college before thinking of enlisting? etc…
I retired at 40 from the Coast Guard, and yes, I would definately do it all again. I recommend your husband finish his college and then apply for Officers Candidate School. The Air Force tends to promote slower than the Navy but the Navy tends to have much longer deployments away from the family. All of the services expect an officers wife to act the part of the officers wife, if you don’t it impacts his career.
Go to the Officer recruiters for all branches first. Do not enlist until you exhaust all other resources, including the National Guard. Becoming an Officer is the only semi-sane option, IMHO.
Take several practice ASVAB (do they still call it that?) tests, and study, study, study. The results of this test determine your future as much as, or more than, a college master’s thesis.
Don’t agree to anything until October. October starts the new fiscal year, and the military has bonus money available for many hard-to-fill fields. You may be able to pay off your debt in one fell swoop.
You won’t be separated for just boot camp. He will have other schools, and many deployments. Expect to spend as much as half the time away from each other. If this isn’t an option, forget it now. Absence does make the heart grow fonder – but the divorce rate in all branches of the service is greater than the population at large.
Don’t count on sticking around for 20 years, then retiring. Lot’s can happen in 20 years. Think in terms of 5-year blocks, rather than trying to imagine life in 20 years. Depending upon the results of this election, and other political issues, the military may be very different in the future.
Don’t forget that the job of people in the military is basically to kill and destroy. Bad karma, but also dangerous work. Several of the world’s most dangerous occupations are military. Picking a nice desk job doesn’t always work. Computers are increasingly being used near the front lines, and CCC (command, communication, and control) operations, where all the computer’s are, are important targets.
I’d rather see him quit college and work for a couple years, than join the military. You don’t need a degree in Computers to work with computers. The key is experience, not education.
Tubagirl – What is the part of an officers wife though?
An officer’s wife is expected to be proper. She may work outside of the home, but is expected to be part of a complex social scene. She should never be coarse or difficult, and must be a gracious hostess and a polite guest.
Think 50’s housewife.
Advancement for a military officer is political during peacetime. During war, ability comes to the forefront. During peacetime, the best way to advance is by being a brown-nose asshole.
Appearance is critical. Are you good at ironing? You’ll need to be, or expect to spend the money to get all his uniforms professionally cleaned and pressed. Everything should be tailored. He should get his hair cut weekly, just make it part of the routine. Weekly manicures aren’t imprudent, either. Is he tall and handsome, or at least not odd-looking? If not, don’t bother. Ugly officers are rare, especially in the upper ranks.
Political stance is critical – are you Republican? Can you be?
Wow, this all sounds so negative. I didn’t think I had that much hostility towards the military. Are you getting the idea that I’m against this decision?
If he chooses Air Force passing the physical fitness part of basic is easy for anyone who is even remotely in shape.
Basic training is six weeks and tech schools are from four to 96 weeks (yes that’s two years) the average is about eight. I left for basic December 7 and my family joined me in Germany on October 31. If being separated is really that difficult on you, you might want to think long and hard. It wont hurt to talk to a recruiter form both branches but sign nothing until you both have time to think about it. Just like Danalan said 5-year blocks of time is a much more realistic way of looking at an enlistment.
Tubagirl the Air Force has been very good to my family and I. I am currently stationed at a Navy air station. The Air Force does promote much slower than any other branch but they are much more “people” oriented. The Navy is a little rougher on their people but I haven’t talked to many squids that totally regret their decision.
You have to ask yourself if you are suited to military life, and especially being an officer’s wife. I make a good Navy wife because I’m independent, I don’t mind moving, and I don’t aspire to be rich. I would make a lousy officer’s wife, however, because I’m way too freaky/liberal/opinionated. I will tell you from experience that enlisted wives are resentful of officer’s wives.
I say go with your gut.
Tubagirl, the best thing for your husband regarding a career in the service is the fact that if your working environment is terrible, it will soon change. Either you will be transferred or the idiots that are making life tough will be transferred.
The statements regarding the role of an officers wife are true. The commanding officers wife may be into square dancing, bird watching, stamp collecting or any imaginable hobby and the officers wife needs to be good at feigning an interest. Caution, the guys know if the old ladies hobby is the pits, too much feigned interest is transparent. Then again, the commanding officers wife may share the same interests as you and think the entire process is bogus.
The life can be very rewarding and challenging at the same time. I can’t stand politics in the working environment yet I am now in the civilian sector working on my second retirement and they exist there as well. There will be the unqualified, inept kiss ups moving right along and the
intelligent and qualified yet independant minded not moving up.
You don’t commit your entire life at one time, so keep this in mind.
As the daughter of an officer and wife of an enlisted man I think I can help out here. Contrary to some opinions stated here, most officers wives these days aren’t expected to play the perfect role of the “50’s wife”. In fact most of the officer’s wives have jobs and interests of their own. I have known wives of General’s all the way down to Private’s and they are all the same. You do what you want, you make sure you don’t change but try to maintain class so you don’t humiliate your husband, I expect the same is true of any job in the world.
Either way, after the first year I would say it’s worthwhile. You get to travel the world, see new things, meet amazing new people and get all the benefits of having a huge extended family. I personally would recommend Navy, they offer better family housing.
As for missing him while he’s gone, the military does have an amazing family support system. If you become an officer’s wife you may be expected to be a major part of the family support unit but again, that is your choice. I’ve been a major part of the family support system my whole life. There’s always someone you can depend on and on most bases there will be places where you can get involved in just about anything that interests you. The military offers many courses and classes for spouses as well as the military sponsor. Also there’s always the Internet and other military wives around here to talk to. Good luck and if you and your husband decide to join up then…welcome to the military family.
Tubagirl, this is a very difficult decision to make. If, as you say, you can not bear to be separated this is definately not the right decision for your family. This year, I think my husband was gone for about 2 months total, not counting long nights at the office (he usually works about 9-10 hours per day). Last year, when there was all the craziness in Bosnia, I think I saw him maybe 8 waking hours per week.
To be honest, I miss him, but it’s really not that bad. Maybe I’m just used to it, being an army brat and all. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to know more. Trust me, all of us military wives are not Stepford brides.
If you both are still interested, I highly recommend he does as Mac suggested and go to all of the branches and see what they can offer. And make sure to get it in writing! Not all, but some, recruiters have been known to exaggerate what they can deliver. And do think about it in five year blocks, not 20, a lot can change and you want that flexibility.
Another thing - my brother just joined the army and computer MOSs are pretty hard to come by. Don’t know why, it seems like there is a big need. I’m not sure if that is true for the Air Force and Navy, but it’s something to keep in mind. He still can get a job working with computers, my husband is a tanker and works as a network engineer, you just have to go through the backdoor, so to speak. If he needs advice about that, I’m sure my husband, brother and father would be happy to give him some advice. Working in the services is just like any other corportate job, you have to know how to work the system.
Somebody should tell that to a few generals and colonels I know.
Tubagirl, don’t worry about having to be what the military wants you to be. Things have gotten a lot more liberal now, and as long as you aren’t running a crack house/brothel out of base housing, it won’t be a problem. The only negative I can think of is if you do live on post, be prepared for a small town atmosphere. It can be nice, but…well, we all know how “close” small towns can be.
Whether or not to go for OCS is a big choice. If he wants to work hands on with computers, I’d say that going enlisted for 4 years and getting every cent of training the military will pay for is the smartest choice. The pay isn’t shit, but if you work it right, he can come out with several certifications (MSCE, CCNA) and good contacts for getting a civilian job. He’d have to deal with some bullcrap, but what job is immune from that?
Like I said, please e-mail me and we can talk about this further. It might be good for our husbands to talk to, maybe via instant messenger?
It was my experience (20 years ago) that officer’s wives have pretty much the same “rank” as their husbands. And, like it was mentioned before, the military is a closed community–very small-town-like. This means that if the colonel’s wife is having some sort of a soiree to raise money for unemployed, homeless wombats with mange, the majors’, captains’, and lieutenants’ wives damn well better show up. Maybe things have changed, I dunno.
Don’t sweat the physical demands. It takes more mental toughness than physical prowess to get through basic training/boot camp.
Getting into the right school is crucial. Explore all of the options. Make sure that the specialty chosen is something that’s useful in the civilian world.
One last thing… Yes, it’s possible to be sent to some really neat and interesting places. It’s just as likely to be sent to some godawful, miserable, disgusting, boring places. Very few miltary bases would be mistaken for Club Med.
You might want your husband to look into going into the health services or Vet services. My husband is a food inspector and works 5 days a week from 6-2 he never works weekends and he never goes into the field. He is going away for 4 months early next year but honestly I’ll be glad to have some time to myself. I grew up with my dad working late every night, working holidays and going away for weeks at a time. All our holidays were either celebrated early or late so that Daddy could be there. It was normal to us growing up. I am glad my kids won’t have to do that as my husband is off every holiday.
You and your husband need to talk to as many military families as possible to get a feel for the life. Find out which jobs would benefit you as a couple. Talk to families in those fields and find out what it’s really like. Alot of women can’t handle the military life but alot take to it and love it. If you would like to find out more from a lifetime (27 years total both officer and enlisted) military dependent e-mail me anytime:
…first you want to have sex with someone else right before you get married… then you want him to join the armed forces right after getting married… HHhmmmmmmm…
His dad was the highest ranking man at the base (general or something) His mom stayed home, she painted, and had more class than I can describe. They moved alot. I loved that family, and when they moved 13 years ago, lots of hearts were broken.
Its a hard life for kids (some more than others).
And if you cheat with another man on the base, count on being caught. Everyone knows everyones business.
I strongly advise against this tuba. Wait till you are both more mature, and strong in your marriage.
Having spent 20 years in the Air Force, 7 of those I was in a tri service comand(all three services working together) and training both Officer and enlisted, I can tell you that the military is just like any other job. It’s what YOU make it to be. I’ve known different people doing the same job at the same location, one loved it the other hated it.
Instead of looking at the military, look at the job you want, I can’t speak for the other services but the Air Force you can know your exact job before you sign up. It may change over the years, but generaly not that much.
If I had it to do all over again I most certainly would do it again. My son is entering college this (the Air Force is paying for it) and when finished he will have to serve 6 years, and I couldn’t be happier ( not only that I don’t have to pay for the Education) that he will be in the military. I can also tell you that haveing been retired,and in the civilian world, my military experince has gotten me jobs and promotions in those jobs that I would not have been able to get otherwise.
If you find a job you think you’ll like, go for it, if you don’t like it 4 years and you can quit and go into the civilian market place.
My sister married an Air Force officer. Except for worrying herself sick during his tours in Korea and Vietnamm, she loved her life as a service wife. His last tour of duty was as a base commander. As such, they had very nice quarters and a lot of perks. My sister was able to live in Canada, England and Japan during her service life, opportunities she and her children probably would not have had under other circumstances.
Her opinion as to a military career for you and your husband is a very positive one.
tubagirl:
I spent 3 yrs in the AF and have to say that, along with a few others, I’d do it again. Mac is totally right in what he’s saying.
The main difference (as I’ve been told and seen) between branches is quality of life.
Go AirForce. It’s the youngest, and sometimes, the hippest of the branches. Go as an officer. Go to your college AFROTC and see about getting in. Pay is good, and you could go great places. I was stationed at Eglin (Ft. Walton Beach, FL), and my shop chief had been stationed there 11yrs if his 17 in. It’s not as nomadic as you’d think. we were the 33FW Nomads Operations Tempo is quite rapid these days, with all the reductions, but it’s not stressful. I don’t know what the officers go through in ‘basic’ training, but we did 6.5 weeks and it was all mental. Be sure to write him, because it is definitely nice to hear from loved ones.
My advice: Go ROTC. Do your 4-6yrs as an officer, get out, and follow your dreams. ROTC pays for a lot, and plus you get a bit more discipline from it. And if you’re thinking military isn’t for you, then think again. Do you have a job? then you’d be doing pretty much the same thing in the military. No matter where you go, you’ll have to wear some sort of uniform or nametag, you’ll have to listen to what the bosses say, and you’ll not be entirely happy. You will enjoy it tho, especially if you land in a place where it’s a family atmosphere and you wife doesn’t cheat on you while you’re overseas… oh, never mind…
Feel free to e-mail me if you want to know more. Trust me, all of us military wives are not Stepford brides.